Friday, November 16, 2012

Day 16: Missing Rick today

Day 16: Today I am Thankful For the fact that I didn't get dressed yet when the phone rang to tell me I was being put on call. Now, normally I don't mind call, but I was kinda looking forward to a bit of overtime for the next pay day. Oh, well. It really isn't a big deal. I get tired anyway, so it is a blessing in disguise.

It is seven days until the third anniversary of Rick's tumor discovery. I am sad by the memories of that dreadful day. It brings back thoughts of "what if" and "why didn't I see" but in all honesty, the few vague symptoms he did present up until that very day were so vague. The Dr's all reassured us that there was no way to know. He had no symptoms to warrant a CT scan that might have found it sooner. It wasn't like he never went to the Dr. He did, often actually. He had just been treated for anemia by a hematologist who was also his oncologist after the tumor. He was actually the only one who was honest with us in the timeline of the progression of his disease. But then another question is raised. Even if he had a CT scan earlier, how early would have been early enough to see the tumor but not too late to fix it. We will never know. I just know I am grateful and thankful that in October 1984 I was lucky enough one Saturday night to be introduced to the man who I knew that night I would marry. And we had 24 years together. We had ups and downs. Good times and bad. But through it all, we survived. We vowed "for better or for worse" July 3, 1985. I meant it. He did too. And we were blessed beyond measure much more than we deserved. One of our biggest blessings happened in May 2002 while I was in Atlanta for a conference. That is when God reached down and saved his soul out in his garden. He told it several times, and, each time he told it, you could feel the spirit in it. If you knew him before that day, you knew a different man after that day.

I am thankful for all the years we had together. I am even more thankful for our last six weeks together. Though it was all in the hospital, it was us together with family and friends. And how thankful I am for that day in May 2002 when he found the Lord. The knowledge and witness to that made March 6, 2010 a little more bearable. I will see him again.

The above scripture speaks realms to me. It reminds me to have faith in Him. The three men who refused to bow to the idols had faith in God that however it ended, His will would be. God tried to tell me that so many times. Trust Him. His will will be. 

I love all y'all!
To be continued.............
This post is not designed to elicit sympathy. This blog is a place to write how I feel. Period. Today, I miss my husband. This blog is my solace. It is my sanity~ however much of that I actually have.... who knows. 

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