Wednesday, December 29, 2010
In many ways I am glad Christmas is over. I love the holiday, I love what it means. But this was a sad Christmas. Last year was a sad Christmas because we feared it would be our last with Rick, and that came to pass. This year was sad because it was our first without him. He wasn't much for holidays but he did love Christmas because of what it represents. He also got a kick out of making me wait until we were at mom's to get what he had for me for Christmas. He never wanted anything except socks and underwear....really! He always got more but that was what he always asked for.
In 25 days it will be the one year anniversary of Rick's last trip to the hospital. One phone call to 911 for an ambulance to take him to the ER and with in minutes we had a house full of help! He never came back home after that. He wanted to. He tried so hard to be able to. He was just too weak. I will never forget March 4. That Thursday he was so awake, breathing better and told me he wanted to come home. Oh, how I wish I could have made that happen. But it wasn't meant to be. We did have a good day though, and I will always cherish that day for as long as I can remember it. And even right now as I write this, that still small voice keeps reminding me He knows what He is doing and His plans are not meant to harm us, and it says "trust Me!" And I continue to! I do, it is just that I am human, and humans forget so He has to remind me!
It is quickly approaching the end of 2010! I hope the year 2011 holds many, many blessings for all of you my dear friends and family.
I love you all!
To be continued.............
Tuesday, December 28, 2010
I did not get call Christmas day. No one did..... I went to work, had a busy day and came home to Nick. Val and the babies were with Brandon for the holiday then they got snowed in for a couple of days. Here they are opening some of their presents. They don't really understand what Christmas is yet. They got bored opening them. Maybe next year they will be more excited. Tobi was more into it than Bubba.
Today I was reacquainted with more old friends from my time at Baptist Hospital in Nashville, (I worked there from January 1991 until July 2004) the "other Myra" and Lisa. Myra and I were charge nurses in our units, then changes happened and our director made us more like critical care supervisors without the title, we made bed assignments for the units, made staffing adjustments for all the critical care areas and still had our respective charge duties in our own units. We carried wireless telephones with direct dial numbers and Rick would call and we answered "this is Myra" and he would have to listen to the voice to know if it was Myra or me!
Then more changes and I became manager of our units then others then changes again.....then I came "home" to Bowling Green. I don't like the management end of things. I prefer taking care of patients and working my shift and going home until the next time I am scheduled.
When a nurse is a manager, the manager is responsible 24/7 365 for every aspect of everything that happens. And you can not control other peoples actions no more than you can control a knot on a log. If some people don't take responsibility for their actions and/or in-actions and don't act in a professional manner, you can't make them and you can't really talk about it and if others notice the actions and behaviors of their co-workers (and believe me they do notice!) and wonder why "you don't do something about it" and you can't really discuss what you do with others because of confidentiality so you just have to let them talk then comes disgruntlement and sarcasm and I can do without all that! When you reprimand someone you can't just go out talking about it! And they shouldn't either! There are a lot of steps going in to letting someone go. It must be clearly documented and approved by HR and many others. It is a painful process for everyone concerned. I had my share! Going through the steps of "letting someone go" was very difficult. I want to see the good in everyone. Just sometimes you have to let go!
Enough of that!
I hope everyone had a wonderful Christmas and I hope your new year is the best yet!
I love y'all!
To be continued.........
Saturday, December 25, 2010
We have at least 3 inches of snow in my part of Wingfield. We have had more snow this year and last year than in the previous several years combined! Enough is enough! It is very pretty to look at as long as no one gets hurt and we don't have to get out and drive in it!
Christmas eve I visited my parents and took their Christmas gifts. I am scheduled to work Christmas day. I am hoping for call! I was hoping to have my family here for Christmas eve supper, but I guess I am kind of glad I didn't do it because of the snow. It feels weird this year anyway. I feel alone even in a room full of friends and family. I wonder how long it will take to get past this. I don't know how I am supposed to feel. It is weird because everyone else has someone else and my someone is gone. It just makes me sad. Nick asked me why I was thinking about it. Well, it is hard to explain but there is not a day goes by that I don't think about it. You (or at least I) can't spend half your life with someone and not miss them when they are gone.
If you are in to collecting primitive country accessories, check out Deb's Doodle Designs on facebook. This was my Christmas present from me to me. I also got one for my mom too. I found the easel at Kirkland's. I love it. She did a great job with them! May have to see what else she has!
I hope each and everyone has a safe and very Merry Christmas!
I love y'all!
To be continued................
Friday, December 24, 2010
To be continued...............
Remember He is the reason for the season!
Wednesday, December 22, 2010
I opened the door and went in. I hear Val telling her, "shhh, Gamma is in the house, she will hear you" - then I hear "giggles, squeals, more giggles!" As I go around the corner towards my bedroom, I hear "Boo!" and she runs up to me with those little arms out! I screamed like I had been frightened to death. She was laughing so hard. It was so wonderful. Just a few days ago, she wasn't running anywhere! I am so very glad she is feeling better. She will be on antibiotics for a total of 10 days from the day she came home, but it is worth it.
I can not believe Christmas is in 3 days, well actually in about forty minutes, it will only be 2 days! I love Christmas and was making it pretty well until today, I ran into an old friend who I see several times a month. She works in a different department and different schedule. I have known her since she was born. She asked me how I was doing with the holidays. Tears came automatically. I told her I am OK, and I am. I just miss him. I miss him so very much. Some people say where I can hear but kind of like I am not supposed to hear that it is no different from divorced couples. Well, I can't speak to the divorce aspect of it; but, I can speak to being a widow. In divorce at least the absent spouse is still alive. (Some may wish otherwise--but in reality if they were really actually to die, they would feel very guilty I would think!) I had another friend suggest that I date. She saw by the look on my face I guess that wasn't in my plans.
I hope each and everyone has a wonderful Christmas, and please remember the reason for the season!
I love y'all!
To be continued...............
Monday, December 20, 2010
Christmas is just 5 days away. I am glad to have my present early. Papaw would have been so sad that she was in the hospital. He loved her so very much and she loved him, she still does. She looks at his picture a lot and knows who he is.
Short post tonight. I love y'all. Please remember the reason for the season.
To be continued..............
Sunday, December 19, 2010
I was lucky enough to be able to have call today. I have no idea why I scheduled myself 4 days during the week before Christmas! Ouch! I asked for call today and they called me at 4:38 in the morning to tell me I could stay home. I was happy to have call, but I had only been asleep about 3 hours. I don't even get up before about 15 before 6 to 6 am on the days I work! I only dozed off and on after that. I am thankful though that I got it! I need to write a note on my phone number card that reminds them if I ask for call I don't want to be called before 6. If I ask for call, I won't turn it down! I went to mom's this morning for breakfast then to the hospital for the rest of the day. I decided to miss church today and stay with Tobi. I think God understands! (I hope He does anyway!!) I love my family!
We had our fire department Christmas dinner tonight. Nick and I went, we played dirty Santa. I got a snowman cookie jar. I love it! Have no idea who brought it, but I love it! I don't think the gift I took went over too well. Sorry about that! I liked it.
I hope you all have a very Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year!
I love y'all!
To be continued..........
Saturday, December 18, 2010
I would like to thank everyone for all their thoughts and prayers, comments on facebook, "likes" on facebook, anything you did to assist in any way and to the staff of 5C, Private Referral, CT, and surgery/recovery I also say thanks for taking such good care of my baby granddaughter!
I love y'all! So many good friends, don't know what we would do without you!
One more thing, please don't forget the Reason for the Season!
To be continued..............
Friday, December 17, 2010
Perry Dale is at hes great grandmothers tonight. She is keeping him while Tobi is in the hospital--at least for the next couple of days, then if she has to stay longer, we might have to do something else. We will see.
I have a headache like I haven't had in a very long time, I suppose it is from the stress of the day today. WOW! What a day!
So, I hope everyone has a safe and happy weekend. Christmas will be here before we know it. Remember who we celebrate this season for........
St Luke Chapter 21And it came to pass in those days, that there went out a decree from Caesar Augustus that all the world should be taxed.
2(And this taxing was first made when Cyrenius was governor of Syria.)
3And all went to be taxed, every one into his own city.
4And Joseph also went up from Galilee, out of the city of Nazareth, into Judaea, unto the city of David, which is called Bethlehem; (because he was of the house and lineage of David:)
5To be taxed with Mary his espoused wife, being great with child.
6And so it was, that, while they were there, the days were accomplished that she should be delivered.
7And she brought forth her firstborn son, and wrapped him in swaddling clothes, and laid him in a manger; because there was no room for them in the inn.
8And there were in the same country shepherds abiding in the field, keeping watch over their flock by night.
9And, lo, the angel of the Lord came upon them, and the glory of the Lord shone round about them: and they were sore afraid.
10And the angel said unto them, Fear not: for, behold, I bring you good tidings of great joy, which shall be to all people.
11For unto you is born this day in the city of David a Saviour, which is Christ the Lord.
12And this shall be a sign unto you; Ye shall find the babe wrapped in swaddling clothes, lying in a manger.
13And suddenly there was with the angel a multitude of the heavenly host praising God, and saying,
14Glory to God in the highest, and on earth peace, good will toward men.
15And it came to pass, as the angels were gone away from them into heaven, the shepherds said one to another, Let us now go even unto Bethlehem, and see this thing which is come to pass, which the Lord hath made known unto us.
16And they came with haste, and found Mary, and Joseph, and the babe lying in a manger.
17And when they had seen it, they made known abroad the saying which was told them concerning this child.
18And all they that heard it wondered at those things which were told them by the shepherds.
19But Mary kept all these things, and pondered them in her heart.
20And the shepherds returned, glorifying and praising God for all the things that they had heard and seen, as it was told unto them.
When my children were small, I read these passages every year just before telling them "The Night Before Christmas" just before bedtime every Christmas eve. I still read it for myself. They think they have "outgrown" it! Maybe Tobi and Bubba will listen!
To be continued..............
Wednesday, December 15, 2010
So today was one of the most difficult in the past 6 months or so. It was difficult for one reason because I went over across the river to be with a cousin for a few minutes. His wife died Sunday morning and her funeral was today. All I could do was tell him I knew how he felt. I couldn't stay. It was too hard. If you remember, Sandy has ESP or something because the whole time Rick was so sick she was right there just when I needed her. Don't misunderstand, many people were there for us the whole time but Sandy had a way of calling or showing up just when I needed a little bit extra help. Always. And today was no different. I posted on facebook that "That was hard" and she replied with '?' and then a message for me to stop by. I was driving after that and did not see the message. Nick called me to find out what was wrong. I told him about how I felt and he told me what Sandy posted. Just then she called me. I was back home and turning into her driveway before I knew it. She told me she had something for me. I opened the box and this ornament was in it along with a card with the following poem. We cried together. She has one from when her grandmother who raised her passed away. It is one of the most beautiful things I have ever seen.
Merry Christmas From Heaven
I still hear the songs,
I still see the lights
I still feel your love on cold wintry nights
I still share your hopes and all of your cares
I'll even remind you to please say your prayers
I just want to tell you, you still make me proud
You stand head and shoulders above all the crowd
Keep trying each moment, to stay in His grace
I came here before you to help set your place
You don't have to be perfect all of the time
He forgives you the slip, if you continue the climb
To my family and friends,
Please be thankful today
I'm still close beside you,
in a new special way
I love you all dearly,
now don't shed a tear
cause I'm spending my
Christmas with Jesus this year
--John Wm. Mooney, Jr
Please remember the reason for the season.
I love y'all
To be continued............
Sunday, December 12, 2010
Yesterday was Christmas with Rick's Wilson family. We had a good time, I got a Christmas decoration, I always love those! It is a sign with snow men on it. There were a lot of those in different configurations there yesterday. I love them!
I was not smart enough to take pictures though. Ugh! I did get a couple of the babies playing, but none of the tree or the family there. I always take plenty, don't know what happened! Rick's absence was noticed yesterday. It was our first Christmas party of the season. And I always take food, but I messed up yesterday and the potato salad flopped. I would not even feed it to the dog.
There will be a party next Sunday afternoon, but I have to work. I got a call today about it being changed. Actually, I could have gone to the original date, but since they changed it, I can not go unless I get call at work, didn't know about it on either date until I got a call about the change. Oh, well! No big deal. She said, you mean no one has told you? I said nope! I am fine with it. Really. Rick always loved those 2 parties. He made a way to go to each of them. This year it is difficult to be there without him anyway. But I can not just stick my head in the sand (or snow) and forget to live. He would want me to go about my life. I just wish............
I think about selling the house and land and getting a small place in town. Tomorrow morning I may wish I had. I have ties to this place though. It is the place where Rick got saved. Church is here. This community was our home longer than any other place we lived. It was actually ours. (and the banks). But is was our first actual house. Those things are really what keep me here. We will see.
On another note, my cousin Sammy Dale lost his wife this morning in the early hours on this snowy Sunday. She suffered a severe stroke a few weeks ago and died from complications. She had made it to SKY rehab, but had to be readmitted with some kind of infection. I do know she was ready to go, heard her testify to that fact on more than one occasion. I just know how Sam is feeling right now. And the hard part is yet to come. If you are reading this, please remember him and their sons in your prayers. They've a long road ahead.
Remember the reason for the season!
I love y'all..........
To be continued...............
Monday, December 6, 2010
"Merry Christmas, Love Rick, Myra, Val and Nick"but this year will be different. I was thinking I was with him nearly half my life. It is still difficult trying to figure out how to be me without him. It has been a year now since the tumor was removed. It will be a year one day next week since Dr. Smith said 3 months would be a long time to survive. Those words were difficult to hear. People think since I am a nurse that things like that don't bother me. They do. I do have a "matter of fact" attitude in front of people sometimes, that is how I was trained. But things still bother me you just might never see it.
It will be 26 years ago this Christmas eve since I said "yes" when Rick asked me to be his wife. Don't know any more about being a wife after all these years than I did when I said 'I do.' But I tried. He loved me and I loved him. And one day we will be together again.
I went to Trees and Trends the other day and bought a headstone piece for Rick's grave for the winter. He would have said pfft don't be doing that. But I wanted to. I even got him his own little sprig of a tree. I checked on it Saturday. I hope nothing happens to it.
I love you all......
To be continued...........
Thursday, December 2, 2010
Every year Rick's Wilson family has Christmas. One year we were blessed to host it in our home. I had a good time. I loved to host family dinners and get togethers. But most years this Christmas party is at his Aunt Bonita's home. I never knew my mother-in-law. She passed away long before I met Rick. I met his Aunt Erma and Aunt Bonita early in our relationship. They have always treated me like I was their niece rather than an in-law. This picture was from last years Christmas at Aunt Bonita's. We play "dirty Santa" by bring a "hers" and "his" gift and drawing numbers. You can keep or "steal" one that you like. It's pretty fun. And being with family is wonderful.
Christmas 2009 was our last Christmas. I think he knew that it would be. We spent it with his sisters and brother. He went on ahead to have some time with them. I believe he enjoyed that time. He loved his family. He loved everyone he met, and everyone who knew him loved him as well. Rick had a way about him that you liked him instantly. He was a friend to everyone he knew. He was able to meet and make friends so easily. Remember the 2 liter coke story? There are many more like those. Sometime I will get into our yearly ritual of going over to old friends of mine from childhood every Christmas. Some funny stories from then.
Christmas has always been a special time for me. I remember as a child the wonder and anxiety and anticipation I felt when I was waiting for Santa. When I was a child, my brothers and I all shared one room. Bruce and Greg were in one bed and I in another. Doug was in a baby bed in our parents room. We had a 6 room house, one electric plug per room and a wood stove for heat. We had a cistern on the enclosed back porch which served as a utility room. The mornings would be so cold until the fire got going. We had no running water. We were happy. The rent in that house was $15.00 a month for most of my life. When they moved out it was $45.00 a month. We paid the electric. There was no such thing as air conditioners in the summer, and the TV was a black and white TV with an outside antenna which received channel 5, 8, and 13. Sometimes we could get channel 4.
Getting the Christmas tree was a job Greg and I had when we became old enough. We would go walking out in the woods looking for the perfect cedar tree. Now, if you have ever done that, you know that that is an oxymoron. You can not find a perfect cedar tree. It will be one sided, too big or too little, or half dead on one side. But that would be our task. Sometimes we would walk for a half mile for what looked like the perfect tree to find it was perfect until we looked at the back. We would finally come up with a good tree and take it home. Mom would look it over and either keep it or send us back out for a different tree. You can not remove part of the top, and sometimes you can not shorten one either. It changes the way it looks. Then she would place it in the stand and we would help her carry it into her bedroom. We would place it in front of the double window facing the road. She would put the lights on it then we would all decorate it with Christmas music playing on the stereo. The reason the tree was in their bedroom was it was farther from the fire. Real cedar trees dry out. The tree was never up more than 1o days, and we had to water it every day. I also remember when my dad brought home the first "mini" light strings. He was so excited that they would blink. To this day their tree has to have blinking color mini lights. Can't be clear lights. And they have to blink wildly!
During this Christmas Season I hope you all take a moment and reflect on the true meaning behind the Christmas Season. It is really about the Birth of the One who came to save us. Please keep that in your heart as you practice your traditions. I started one tradition when my children were small. I read from the Bible the passages that reflect on the birth of Jesus. And though my children are grown, I still read it. They sometime chose to go about their business, but I read it anyway. I love the Lord and want to honor Him in everything I do.
I love you all.......
To be continued...........
The Gospel according to St. Luke 2
The Birth of Jesus
Mt. 1.18-25 1 And it came to pass in those days, that there went out a decree from Caesar Augustus, that all the world should be taxed. 2 (And this taxing was first made when Cyre'ni-us was governor of Syria.) 3 And all went to be taxed, every one into his own city. 4 And Joseph also went up from Galilee, out of the city of Nazareth, into Judea, unto the city of David, which is called Bethlehem, (because he was of the house and lineage of David,) 5 to be taxed with Mary his espoused wife, being great with child. 6 And so it was, that, while they were there, the days were accomplished that she should be delivered. 7 And she brought forth her firstborn son, and wrapped him in swaddling clothes, and laid him in a manger; because there was no room for them in the inn.
The Shepherds and the Angels
8 ¶ And there were in the same country shepherds abiding in the field, keeping watch over their flock by night. 9 And, lo, the angel of the Lord came upon them, and the glory of the Lord shone round about them; and they were sore afraid. 10 And the angel said unto them, Fear not: for, behold, I bring you good tidings of great joy, which shall be to all people. 11 For unto you is born this day in the city of David a Saviour, which is Christ the Lord. 12 And this shall be a sign unto you; Ye shall find the babe wrapped in swaddling clothes, lying in a manger. 13 And suddenly there was with the angel a multitude of the heavenly host praising God, and saying, 14 Glory to God in the highest,
and on earth peace, good will toward men. 15 ¶ And it came to pass, as the angels were gone away from them into heaven, the shepherds said one to another, Let us now go even unto Bethlehem, and see this thing which is come to pass, which the Lord hath made known unto us. 16 And they came with haste, and found Mary and Joseph, and the babe lying in a manger. 17 And when they had seen it, they made known abroad the saying which was told them concerning this child. 18 And all they that heard it wondered at those things which were told them by the shepherds. 19 But Mary kept all these things, and pondered them in her heart. 20 And the shepherds returned, glorifying and praising God for all the things that they had heard and seen, as it was told unto them.
Wednesday, December 1, 2010
I love you all.
Though you have made me see troubles, many and bitter, you will restore my life again; from the depths of the earth you will again bring me up. You will increase my honor and comfort me once again.I love the songs of King David, the Psalms (Rick was reading the Psalms when he became ill....)
To be continued..............