Wednesday, September 24, 2014

It's been a while!

I haven't posted anything in quite some time. I don't have internet at home anymore and posting from my phone is not fun. So.

Yesterday we found 2 baby kittens. Our momma cat surprised me this time. I didn't know she was gonna do that. I heard "mew, mew, mew" at 2am yesterday. Around 2pm she brought them to the porch. Poor Bruno. He just wanted to look and sniff. Momma had a fit. She put him on the trail.

Not having a very good time right now. Seems like I am waiting for the other shoe to drop. I don't know what is going to happen next. Seems everywhere I turn, something new happens. I went to Dr Lin last week, he said he would see me in 6 months if he doesn't see me in ER first. What's that supposed to mean? He asked about the cholesterol med- I can not take it. I have tried several different ones. They hurt me so bad. And my cholesterol numbers were near perfect. And the last heart cath I had said no blockages. He said that didn't mean a whole lot. Plaques - even small ones - can rupture and can cause a heart attack. The cholesterol medication is supposed to help prevent that. So, he said try it once a week at least. So I will. We will see.

I am still having trouble feeling like I want to go back to my church. No one there did anything to me or said anything out of the way. It is all me. The last time I was there, there was no bass singer. The song was going along and then silence. A bass part. That was Rick's part. I couldn't handle it. I left and haven't been back. The past couple of meetings have been on my weekend to work. It will change back in December, but I don't know if I will be able to go. I need to go somewhere. And that is home. But it is so hard to be there. I would think after well over 4 years since he died that I could move on. Obviously I can't yet. I hope no one reading this ever has to know the heart ache that comes with that loss. But, many will. It is part of life. I just can't handle it right now. Maybe it is time to sell out and move. I have lived in Wingfield longer than I have ever lived anywhere. I love where I live.  I don't want to move, but I can't keep on going like this. Say a prayer for me.

I love all y'all.
To be continued......