Wednesday, December 29, 2010

The tree is down for another year......

I bought these stars back in the summer and had never put them anywhere, so when we took the tree down today I put them up where I had a home interior print for the past 12 years. I think I like them there, I used the 3M command hooks to hang them, so if I decide I don't like them there, I can move them!

In many ways I am glad Christmas is over. I love the holiday, I love what it means. But this was a sad Christmas. Last year was a sad Christmas because we feared it would be our last with Rick, and that came to pass. This year was sad because it was our first without him. He wasn't much for holidays but he did love Christmas because of what it represents. He also got a kick out of making me wait until we were at mom's to get what he had for me for Christmas. He never wanted anything except socks and underwear....really! He always got more but that was what he always asked for.

In 25 days it will be the one year anniversary of Rick's last trip to the hospital. One phone call to 911 for an ambulance to take him to the ER and with in minutes we had a house full of help! He never came back home after that. He wanted to. He tried so hard to be able to. He was just too weak. I will never forget March 4. That Thursday he was so awake, breathing better and told me he wanted to come home. Oh, how I wish I could have made that happen. But it wasn't meant to be. We did have a good day though, and I will always cherish that day for as long as I can remember it. And even right now as I write this, that still small voice keeps reminding me He knows what He is doing and His plans are not meant to harm us, and it says "trust Me!" And I continue to! I do, it is just that I am human, and humans forget so He has to remind me!

It is quickly approaching the end of 2010! I hope the year 2011 holds many, many blessings for all of you my dear friends and family.

I love you all!

To be continued.............

Tuesday, December 28, 2010

Christmas past is past........

So Christmas is over for another year. For the first time is several years it is December 28 and my tree is still up! I usually take it down the day after Christmas, this year, I left it up. I will most likely take it down tomorrow......

I did not get call Christmas day. No one did..... I went to work, had a busy day and came home to Nick. Val and the babies were with Brandon for the holiday then they got snowed in for a couple of days. Here they are opening some of their presents. They don't really understand what Christmas is yet. They got bored opening them. Maybe next year they will be more excited. Tobi was more into it than Bubba.

Today I was reacquainted with more old friends from my time at Baptist Hospital in Nashville, (I worked there from January 1991 until July 2004) the "other Myra" and Lisa. Myra and I were charge nurses in our units, then changes happened and our director made us more like critical care supervisors without the title, we made bed assignments for the units, made staffing adjustments for all the critical care areas and still had our respective charge duties in our own units. We carried wireless telephones with direct dial numbers and Rick would call and we answered "this is Myra" and he would have to listen to the voice to know if it was Myra or me!

Then more changes and I became manager of our units then others then changes again.....then I came "home" to Bowling Green. I don't like the management end of things. I prefer taking care of patients and working my shift and going home until the next time I am scheduled.

When a nurse is a manager, the manager is responsible 24/7 365 for every aspect of everything that happens. And you can not control other peoples actions no more than you can control a knot on a log. If some people don't take responsibility for their actions and/or in-actions and don't act in a professional manner, you can't make them and you can't really talk about it and if others notice the actions and behaviors of their co-workers (and believe me they do notice!) and wonder why "you don't do something about it" and you can't really discuss what you do with others because of confidentiality so you just have to let them talk then comes disgruntlement and sarcasm and I can do without all that! When you reprimand someone you can't just go out talking about it! And they shouldn't either! There are a lot of steps going in to letting someone go. It must be clearly documented and approved by HR and many others. It is a painful process for everyone concerned. I had my share! Going through the steps of "letting someone go" was very difficult. I want to see the good in everyone. Just sometimes you have to let go!

Enough of that!

I hope everyone had a wonderful Christmas and I hope your new year is the best yet!

I love y'all!

To be continued.........

Saturday, December 25, 2010

Merry Christmas! Remember the Reason for the Season!

This is the view from my kitchen window onto my back deck. I really do not like snow so much! It's pretty and all, but I have to be up and going to work in just a few hours. And because of the day, I really feel there won't be a lot of work on the road overnight! I also hear the knob is pretty slick! I dread going in tomorrow! Last year I was lucky enough to get call on Christmas eve. Hopefully, that will happen again tomorrow~ we shall see in 4 and a half hours!

We have at least 3 inches of snow in my part of Wingfield. We have had more snow this year and last year than in the previous several years combined! Enough is enough! It is very pretty to look at as long as no one gets hurt and we don't have to get out and drive in it!

Christmas eve I visited my parents and took their Christmas gifts. I am scheduled to work Christmas day. I am hoping for call! I was hoping to have my family here for Christmas eve supper, but I guess I am kind of glad I didn't do it because of the snow. It feels weird this year anyway. I feel alone even in a room full of friends and family. I wonder how long it will take to get past this. I don't know how I am supposed to feel. It is weird because everyone else has someone else and my someone is gone. It just makes me sad. Nick asked me why I was thinking about it. Well, it is hard to explain but there is not a day goes by that I don't think about it. You (or at least I) can't spend half your life with someone and not miss them when they are gone.

If you are in to collecting primitive country accessories, check out Deb's Doodle Designs on facebook. This was my Christmas present from me to me. I also got one for my mom too. I found the easel at Kirkland's. I love it. She did a great job with them! May have to see what else she has!

I hope each and everyone has a safe and very Merry Christmas!

I love y'all!

To be continued................

Friday, December 24, 2010

Christmas Eve!!

It is Christmas Eve! My favorite holiday is Christmas. I would like you to listen to the beautiful voices of Celtic Women as they perform O Holy Night. Their voices are beautiful! Like angels! And this song they sing tells of the night our Saviour was born. Oh, how God loved the world to give us such a wonderful gift! I love y'all!
To be continued...............
Remember He is the reason for the season!

Wednesday, December 22, 2010

Miss Tobi Rose is feeling much better and full of herself!

Tonight when I was on my way home after a dreadful day at work, Val calls me and tells me Tobi is still up and is so excited. She wants to scare gamma when I get home from work. I pull in and get out of the car. Next, as I am walking up to the house I hear squeals coming from inside. She can't wait for me to open the door. The excitement is so wonderful to hear!

I opened the door and went in. I hear Val telling her, "shhh, Gamma is in the house, she will hear you" - then I hear "giggles, squeals, more giggles!" As I go around the corner towards my bedroom, I hear "Boo!" and she runs up to me with those little arms out! I screamed like I had been frightened to death. She was laughing so hard. It was so wonderful. Just a few days ago, she wasn't running anywhere! I am so very glad she is feeling better. She will be on antibiotics for a total of 10 days from the day she came home, but it is worth it.

I can not believe Christmas is in 3 days, well actually in about forty minutes, it will only be 2 days! I love Christmas and was making it pretty well until today, I ran into an old friend who I see several times a month. She works in a different department and different schedule. I have known her since she was born. She asked me how I was doing with the holidays. Tears came automatically. I told her I am OK, and I am. I just miss him. I miss him so very much. Some people say where I can hear but kind of like I am not supposed to hear that it is no different from divorced couples. Well, I can't speak to the divorce aspect of it; but, I can speak to being a widow. In divorce at least the absent spouse is still alive. (Some may wish otherwise--but in reality if they were really actually to die, they would feel very guilty I would think!) I had another friend suggest that I date. She saw by the look on my face I guess that wasn't in my plans.

I hope each and everyone has a wonderful Christmas, and please remember the reason for the season!

I love y'all!

To be continued...............

Monday, December 20, 2010

Gamma's girl is home!!!!

This is my girl dressed and ready to go home! We were so excited to get to come home! See her "band aid" on her little hand. That is where the IV came out. She was so afraid when Ashley was taking out her IV. She thought she had to get another one. When we made it to the car she was all smiles! It took way over an hour at CVS getting her medication. She has to stay on antibiotics for another 10 days. We can certainly deal with that just to get her home! She has to go back to see her doctor on Wednesday.

Christmas is just 5 days away. I am glad to have my present early. Papaw would have been so sad that she was in the hospital. He loved her so very much and she loved him, she still does. She looks at his picture a lot and knows who he is.

Short post tonight. I love y'all. Please remember the reason for the season.

To be continued..............

Sunday, December 19, 2010

Gamma's Girl

Miss Tobi did not get to come home today AND she had to have her IV restarted today, the first one was not working well. She is such a brave girl! And so spoiled! She has a bed full of stuffed animals and dolls. She is still telling everyone who comes near her to "go away" and "I no like it" and of course "no." Her fever is much improved, but she is still not eating or drinking. Hopefully, tomorrow she will feel more like taking in food and liquids and can come home! That would be the best!

I was lucky enough to be able to have call today. I have no idea why I scheduled myself 4 days during the week before Christmas! Ouch! I asked for call today and they called me at 4:38 in the morning to tell me I could stay home. I was happy to have call, but I had only been asleep about 3 hours. I don't even get up before about 15 before 6 to 6 am on the days I work! I only dozed off and on after that. I am thankful though that I got it! I need to write a note on my phone number card that reminds them if I ask for call I don't want to be called before 6. If I ask for call, I won't turn it down! I went to mom's this morning for breakfast then to the hospital for the rest of the day. I decided to miss church today and stay with Tobi. I think God understands! (I hope He does anyway!!) I love my family!

We had our fire department Christmas dinner tonight. Nick and I went, we played dirty Santa. I got a snowman cookie jar. I love it! Have no idea who brought it, but I love it! I don't think the gift I took went over too well. Sorry about that! I liked it.

I hope you all have a very Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year!

I love y'all!

To be continued..........

Saturday, December 18, 2010

Poor baby did so well with surgery.....

Our little Miss Tobi has now done something some people my age have never done......been to surgery. During report this morning my phone rings, I answer it and it is Valarie, crying telling me Tobi has to go to surgery in just a few minutes! I guess I didn't realize that it might go forward but it did, and they took her back before I could get up there. I called the house supervisor who got someone (Misty is a lifesaver!) to come take my patients while I went to check on little miss. She came back to her room about an hour later fretting a little and very sleepy. By this evening, her voice was stronger and she was wanting to get out of bed and wander around. And that is exactly what we did. She and I took a long walk down the hall on both sides of her floor, down towards the opposite end, then down to the first floor from one end to the other, then I had to carry her back to her room while pushing her IV pole! WOW! She was making up for lost time! She had really been in bed or on the couch for 3 days without playing or anything in all that time and Tobi is a very active child. Her little legs were so wobbly she was walking like she had rubber for legs but she wanted to do it herself! That is the sweetest baby ever! I do miss her brother and her so much. Little man is at his great-grandmothers until Tobi is home. I am sure he has not a clue what is going on!

I would like to thank everyone for all their thoughts and prayers, comments on facebook, "likes" on facebook, anything you did to assist in any way and to the staff of 5C, Private Referral, CT, and surgery/recovery I also say thanks for taking such good care of my baby granddaughter!

I love y'all! So many good friends, don't know what we would do without you!

One more thing, please don't forget the Reason for the Season!

To be continued..............

Friday, December 17, 2010

It's too close to Christmas for Miss Tobi to be so sick!

Little Miss Tobi Rose is so sick. She is in the hospital tonight. I would much rather be there with her than here in my bed! But I must work tomorrow and her mommy is there with her. She is so sick that she just laid there while they poked and prodded her at the office and again at the hospital. She is barely talking her little throat hurts and her neck hurts so bad she won't turn her little head. How you see her is how she holds her head most of the time. She won't eat or drink anything. After the first dose of antibiotic in her little IV and some Tylenol, she is feeling a little better. She did tell her mommy to "cry about it" once when she was mad about something. She even was a good girl while they ran a CT scan on her little neck. She has a "peri-tonsillar abscess" which you can google if you are so minded. It will explain what it is for you. When we were at the Dr.'s office, they thought like we did that she had the flu although she had her flu shot in November. They also checked her for strep throat which was negative too. So the nurse practitioner had one of the doctors to come check her out instead of just giving us antibiotics for her and sending us home. Kudos to her. She was excellent and very thorough in her exam. The doctor came in and said Tobi needed to go to the hospital. One look at her and even non medical folks know she is sick! Even the receptionist said she didn't need to wait and had them call her right back. Hopefully, she will get to come home in a day or two. And hopefully she won't need surgery. Say a prayer for our little angel if she crosses your mind. If I could take her illness and let her be well, I would in a heartbeat! I love that baby girl (and her brother).

Perry Dale is at hes great grandmothers tonight. She is keeping him while Tobi is in the hospital--at least for the next couple of days, then if she has to stay longer, we might have to do something else. We will see.

I have a headache like I haven't had in a very long time, I suppose it is from the stress of the day today. WOW! What a day!

So, I hope everyone has a safe and happy weekend. Christmas will be here before we know it. Remember who we celebrate this season for........
St Luke Chapter 2
1And it came to pass in those days, that there went out a decree from Caesar Augustus that all the world should be taxed.

2(And this taxing was first made when Cyrenius was governor of Syria.)

3And all went to be taxed, every one into his own city.

4And Joseph also went up from Galilee, out of the city of Nazareth, into Judaea, unto the city of David, which is called Bethlehem; (because he was of the house and lineage of David:)

5To be taxed with Mary his espoused wife, being great with child.

6And so it was, that, while they were there, the days were accomplished that she should be delivered.

7And she brought forth her firstborn son, and wrapped him in swaddling clothes, and laid him in a manger; because there was no room for them in the inn.

8And there were in the same country shepherds abiding in the field, keeping watch over their flock by night.

9And, lo, the angel of the Lord came upon them, and the glory of the Lord shone round about them: and they were sore afraid.

10And the angel said unto them, Fear not: for, behold, I bring you good tidings of great joy, which shall be to all people.

11For unto you is born this day in the city of David a Saviour, which is Christ the Lord.

12And this shall be a sign unto you; Ye shall find the babe wrapped in swaddling clothes, lying in a manger.

13And suddenly there was with the angel a multitude of the heavenly host praising God, and saying,

14Glory to God in the highest, and on earth peace, good will toward men.

15And it came to pass, as the angels were gone away from them into heaven, the shepherds said one to another, Let us now go even unto Bethlehem, and see this thing which is come to pass, which the Lord hath made known unto us.

16And they came with haste, and found Mary, and Joseph, and the babe lying in a manger.

17And when they had seen it, they made known abroad the saying which was told them concerning this child.

18And all they that heard it wondered at those things which were told them by the shepherds.

19But Mary kept all these things, and pondered them in her heart.

20And the shepherds returned, glorifying and praising God for all the things that they had heard and seen, as it was told unto them.

When my children were small, I read these passages every year just before telling them "The Night Before Christmas" just before bedtime every Christmas eve. I still read it for myself. They think they have "outgrown" it! Maybe Tobi and Bubba will listen!

Love y'all!
To be continued..............

Wednesday, December 15, 2010

Friends who are like family.....where would we be without them!? (and our family?)

So today was one of the most difficult in the past 6 months or so. It was difficult for one reason because I went over across the river to be with a cousin for a few minutes. His wife died Sunday morning and her funeral was today. All I could do was tell him I knew how he felt. I couldn't stay. It was too hard. If you remember, Sandy has ESP or something because the whole time Rick was so sick she was right there just when I needed her. Don't misunderstand, many people were there for us the whole time but Sandy had a way of calling or showing up just when I needed a little bit extra help. Always. And today was no different. I posted on facebook that "That was hard" and she replied with '?' and then a message for me to stop by. I was driving after that and did not see the message. Nick called me to find out what was wrong. I told him about how I felt and he told me what Sandy posted. Just then she called me. I was back home and turning into her driveway before I knew it. She told me she had something for me. I opened the box and this ornament was in it along with a card with the following poem. We cried together. She has one from when her grandmother who raised her passed away. It is one of the most beautiful things I have ever seen.

Merry Christmas From Heaven

I still hear the songs,
I still see the lights
I still feel your love on cold wintry nights
I still share your hopes and all of your cares
I'll even remind you to please say your prayers
I just want to tell you, you still make me proud
You stand head and shoulders above all the crowd
Keep trying each moment, to stay in His grace
I came here before you to help set your place
You don't have to be perfect all of the time
He forgives you the slip, if you continue the climb
To my family and friends,
Please be thankful today
I'm still close beside you,
in a new special way
I love you all dearly,
now don't shed a tear
cause I'm spending my
Christmas with Jesus this year
--John Wm. Mooney, Jr

On a lighter note, Val had another ultrasound today and it looks like this baby will be a girl. I still hope she will name her Olivia. She has other ideas, so I guess that is out. Olivia Grace would be such a sweet name. I feel bad for Perry. He has it bad as a baby brother to Tobi, now he will be a middle child with sisters on either end. That will make him more special I think. Rick loved the babies, but he was especially fond of Tober. She was his girl. She still looks at his picture and remembers "papaw".

Please remember the reason for the season.

I love y'all

To be continued............

Sunday, December 12, 2010


Well, it has snowed most of the day. It is blowing and drifting. I think we have about 1.5 to 2 inches of actual snow, but with it blowing and drifting it is trying to block the roads in places. I have to work tomorrow. I really dread the drive in! Rick always drove me after I came back to work in BG. When I had to drive to Nashville, I never missed a shift due to the snow. I stayed there a few times, but mostly I drove it. I need to be home in my own bed. I am not really one to stay somewhere.

Yesterday was Christmas with Rick's Wilson family. We had a good time, I got a Christmas decoration, I always love those! It is a sign with snow men on it. There were a lot of those in different configurations there yesterday. I love them!

I was not smart enough to take pictures though. Ugh! I did get a couple of the babies playing, but none of the tree or the family there. I always take plenty, don't know what happened! Rick's absence was noticed yesterday. It was our first Christmas party of the season. And I always take food, but I messed up yesterday and the potato salad flopped. I would not even feed it to the dog.

There will be a party next Sunday afternoon, but I have to work. I got a call today about it being changed. Actually, I could have gone to the original date, but since they changed it, I can not go unless I get call at work, didn't know about it on either date until I got a call about the change. Oh, well! No big deal. She said, you mean no one has told you? I said nope! I am fine with it. Really. Rick always loved those 2 parties. He made a way to go to each of them. This year it is difficult to be there without him anyway. But I can not just stick my head in the sand (or snow) and forget to live. He would want me to go about my life. I just wish............

I think about selling the house and land and getting a small place in town. Tomorrow morning I may wish I had. I have ties to this place though. It is the place where Rick got saved. Church is here. This community was our home longer than any other place we lived. It was actually ours. (and the banks). But is was our first actual house. Those things are really what keep me here. We will see.

On another note, my cousin Sammy Dale lost his wife this morning in the early hours on this snowy Sunday. She suffered a severe stroke a few weeks ago and died from complications. She had made it to SKY rehab, but had to be readmitted with some kind of infection. I do know she was ready to go, heard her testify to that fact on more than one occasion. I just know how Sam is feeling right now. And the hard part is yet to come. If you are reading this, please remember him and their sons in your prayers. They've a long road ahead.

Remember the reason for the season!

I love y'all..........

To be continued...............

Monday, December 6, 2010

19 days until Christmas

Christmas will be here before we know it. Time is passing so quickly. October Rose now knows who Santa Claus is and likes to look at his picture. Santa is bringing both of them more than they need for sure. But they will be fun on Christmas morning. I have to work that day unless I am lucky enough to get call. Boy, that would be great! I love Christmas, I really do, but there is a sadness surrounding it this year. Rick loved what the Holiday stands for, he would have been fine leaving it at that. I haven't started signing my Christmas cards yet, I would have already sent them out in years past. I am having trouble figuring out how I am going to sign them without Rick. I started sending cards our first Christmas and have sent out many every year since signing them
"Merry Christmas, Love Rick, Myra, Val and Nick"
but this year will be different. I was thinking I was with him nearly half my life. It is still difficult trying to figure out how to be me without him. It has been a year now since the tumor was removed. It will be a year one day next week since Dr. Smith said 3 months would be a long time to survive. Those words were difficult to hear. People think since I am a nurse that things like that don't bother me. They do. I do have a "matter of fact" attitude in front of people sometimes, that is how I was trained. But things still bother me you just might never see it.

It will be 26 years ago this Christmas eve since I said "yes" when Rick asked me to be his wife. Don't know any more about being a wife after all these years than I did when I said 'I do.' But I tried. He loved me and I loved him. And one day we will be together again.

I went to Trees and Trends the other day and bought a headstone piece for Rick's grave for the winter. He would have said pfft don't be doing that. But I wanted to. I even got him his own little sprig of a tree. I checked on it Saturday. I hope nothing happens to it.

I love you all......

To be continued...........

Thursday, December 2, 2010

23 days will be Christmas Day

Christmas 1984 was the first Christmas I spent with Rick. Christmas Eve after I got off work at 11:30 PM he picked me up at the door and took me home from work. He came in with me for a while, but before he left he got on one knee and asked me to be his wife. I said yes. I had only known him since October, but I knew in October I would be his wife. I knew. He was back bright and early Christmas morning to pick me up to go to my mom's for Christmas with my family. After we had the presents and the food he asked my dad to go into the living room with him. He asked my dad for permission to marry me. I thought that was sweet. Mid afternoon, we left there and went to some of his sister's homes the I had to be at work at 3 PM. And so our tradition was born. I have a precious moments ornament from him for every year from 1984 through last year. This year I got one. I will continue to get one every year as long as I have the capability to do so.

Every year Rick's Wilson family has Christmas. One year we were blessed to host it in our home. I had a good time. I loved to host family dinners and get togethers. But most years this Christmas party is at his Aunt Bonita's home. I never knew my mother-in-law. She passed away long before I met Rick. I met his Aunt Erma and Aunt Bonita early in our relationship. They have always treated me like I was their niece rather than an in-law. This picture was from last years Christmas at Aunt Bonita's. We play "dirty Santa" by bring a "hers" and "his" gift and drawing numbers. You can keep or "steal" one that you like. It's pretty fun. And being with family is wonderful.

Christmas 2009 was our last Christmas. I think he knew that it would be. We spent it with his sisters and brother. He went on ahead to have some time with them. I believe he enjoyed that time. He loved his family. He loved everyone he met, and everyone who knew him loved him as well. Rick had a way about him that you liked him instantly. He was a friend to everyone he knew. He was able to meet and make friends so easily. Remember the 2 liter coke story? There are many more like those. Sometime I will get into our yearly ritual of going over to old friends of mine from childhood every Christmas. Some funny stories from then.

Christmas has always been a special time for me. I remember as a child the wonder and anxiety and anticipation I felt when I was waiting for Santa. When I was a child, my brothers and I all shared one room. Bruce and Greg were in one bed and I in another. Doug was in a baby bed in our parents room. We had a 6 room house, one electric plug per room and a wood stove for heat. We had a cistern on the enclosed back porch which served as a utility room. The mornings would be so cold until the fire got going. We had no running water. We were happy. The rent in that house was $15.00 a month for most of my life. When they moved out it was $45.00 a month. We paid the electric. There was no such thing as air conditioners in the summer, and the TV was a black and white TV with an outside antenna which received channel 5, 8, and 13. Sometimes we could get channel 4.

Getting the Christmas tree was a job Greg and I had when we became old enough. We would go walking out in the woods looking for the perfect cedar tree. Now, if you have ever done that, you know that that is an oxymoron. You can not find a perfect cedar tree. It will be one sided, too big or too little, or half dead on one side. But that would be our task. Sometimes we would walk for a half mile for what looked like the perfect tree to find it was perfect until we looked at the back. We would finally come up with a good tree and take it home. Mom would look it over and either keep it or send us back out for a different tree. You can not remove part of the top, and sometimes you can not shorten one either. It changes the way it looks. Then she would place it in the stand and we would help her carry it into her bedroom. We would place it in front of the double window facing the road. She would put the lights on it then we would all decorate it with Christmas music playing on the stereo. The reason the tree was in their bedroom was it was farther from the fire. Real cedar trees dry out. The tree was never up more than 1o days, and we had to water it every day. I also remember when my dad brought home the first "mini" light strings. He was so excited that they would blink. To this day their tree has to have blinking color mini lights. Can't be clear lights. And they have to blink wildly!

During this Christmas Season I hope you all take a moment and reflect on the true meaning behind the Christmas Season. It is really about the Birth of the One who came to save us. Please keep that in your heart as you practice your traditions. I started one tradition when my children were small. I read from the Bible the passages that reflect on the birth of Jesus. And though my children are grown, I still read it. They sometime chose to go about their business, but I read it anyway. I love the Lord and want to honor Him in everything I do.

I love you all.......

The Gospel according to
St. Luke

The Birth of Jesus
Mt. 1.18-25
1 And it came to pass in those days, that there went out a decree from Caesar Augustus, that all the world should be taxed.
2 (And this taxing was first made when Cyre'ni-us was governor of Syria.)
3 And all went to be taxed, every one into his own city.
4 And Joseph also went up from Galilee, out of the city of Nazareth, into Judea, unto the city of David, which is called Bethlehem, (because he was of the house and lineage of David,)
5 to be taxed with Mary his espoused wife, being great with child.
6 And so it was, that, while they were there, the days were accomplished that she should be delivered.
7 And she brought forth her firstborn son, and wrapped him in swaddling clothes, and laid him in a manger; because there was no room for them in the inn.

The Shepherds and the Angels
8 ¶ And there were in the same country shepherds abiding in the field, keeping watch over their flock by night.
9 And, lo, the angel of the Lord came upon them, and the glory of the Lord shone round about them; and they were sore afraid.
10 And the angel said unto them, Fear not: for, behold, I bring you good tidings of great joy, which shall be to all people.
11 For unto you is born this day in the city of David a Saviour, which is Christ the Lord.
12 And this shall be a sign unto you; Ye shall find the babe wrapped in swaddling clothes, lying in a manger.
13 And suddenly there was with the angel a multitude of the heavenly host praising God, and saying,
14 Glory to God in the highest,

and on earth peace,
good will toward men.
15 ¶ And it came to pass, as the angels were gone away from them into heaven, the shepherds said one to another, Let us now go even unto Bethlehem, and see this thing which is come to pass, which the Lord hath made known unto us.
16 And they came with haste, and found Mary and Joseph, and the babe lying in a manger.
17 And when they had seen it, they made known abroad the saying which was told them concerning this child.
18 And all they that heard it wondered at those things which were told them by the shepherds.
19 But Mary kept all these things, and pondered them in her heart.
20 And the shepherds returned, glorifying and praising God for all the things that they had heard and seen, as it was told unto them.

To be continued...........

Wednesday, December 1, 2010

December first

So we made it through today by the grace and with the help of God. It was a very difficult day. I worked today to help, and it was a busy one. I did get to see family occasionally and that was a good thing. There were tears with co-workers. There were tears with others. We all made it through. And we will keep making it through because we have help from the One above. I thank Him every day for my family and friends. I thank Him for you. I don't know what we would have done and how we would have made it without your help.

I love you all.

Psalm 71:20-21

Though you have made me see troubles, many and bitter, you will restore my life again; from the depths of the earth you will again bring me up. You will increase my honor and comfort me once again.
I love the songs of King David, the Psalms (Rick was reading the Psalms when he became ill....)

To be continued..............

Tuesday, November 30, 2010


Tomorrow marks the anniversary of Rick's surgery. I have some anxious feelings going on right now. I have memories of last year all those hours of waiting and good friends and Rick's family around. I don't know how we could have made it without them. There were other families there, I have no idea what they were there for, and I am sure they had no idea what we were there for. I am very thankful for all our friends. We are truly blessed. I thank God that each and every one who was with us in body and in thoughts and prayers were with us that day and all the days since. We knew our friends and family were praying, we could feel the strength from those prayers. Rick always said since the tumor was discovered whichever way it went was alright with him. He was a winner either way. That is why that song is so special to us. He sang it several times a day up until he could no longer sing. And I am sure he sang it in his heart up until the last breath left his body. And Noots sang it for him that night he left us. And Noots sang it for him the day we laid him to rest. Noots sang it the last time I was at church. I cried. I cried because I know he was right. He was truly a winner. And as you can see from the smile on his face, he was not afraid. Not from the first day. His spot in the garden was his assurance that he would have a place in Heaven when this life was over. And that still small voice keeps reassuring me to "trust Me" on a regular basis. I know that I have to trust Him. I know that He didn't take Rick to harm me, He has plans that we don't know about (see Jeremiah 29:11). And we have to have the faith of Daniel in the lion's den (see Daniel 6th chapter) and the faith of the 3 men in the fire and trust God with our very existence (see the book of Daniel, chapter 3). He will provide.

I love you all.
This post is not intended to make anyone cry or solicit sympathy, remember this blog is intended for me to have a place to write about my feelings concerning the illness and death of my husband. I know I ramble on with many other posts, but today I am back to the intention of the blog because of the time of the year.

To be continued............

Sunday, November 28, 2010

Christmas 2010 is coming!!

We started decorating for Christmas today. I love the Christmas season. I always have. I can remember as a child lying awake waiting for Santa, trying to catch a glimpse and figure out how Santa could climb down our chimney and get out of the stove without getting burned. Oh, the anticipation! Never have figured that out to this day LOL! ;D

I love putting up the tree, finding all the ornaments and remembering what each one if for. I have one tree that I leave up all year, usually decorated with primitive ornaments that are good all year but during this season, I remove them and place my Hallmark collection of Mary's Angels on the tree. The first I think was either 1987 or 1988. We were living in Massachusetts when I first started collecting them. One year I had to drive to Glasgow to get it and one year I had to go to Rivergate to get one. But I have them all! I usually get one for my friend Norma too. She has several of them. They are the cutest things.

My "main" tree has all my Precious Moments ornaments and ornaments that friends and family have given me over the years as well as ornaments marking the kids first five Christmases. Now I also have ornaments marking my grandbabies Christmas milestones. I use clear lights on my tree. I used to use only blue, then one year I used only red, a couple of years I used multicolor lights, but I have to say clear is my favorite. I also love my tree, it is a pine tree I bought at Kerr's years ago. I bought that tree even before I started liking the 'primitive' look and it is that for sure! I get made fun of by Val, she does not think it looks like a real tree. I told her she could have her own tree the way she wants it, and I will have mine my way.

In my kitchen I have an old hoosier cabinet. I have always decorated it with gingerbread ornaments. This year, I found a small 'primitive' tree and placed a small strand of clear lights on it and a couple of gingerbread ornaments on it. I also have some other Christmas decorations on it. I really like it. I also have Christmas themed kitchen towels, table cloths, plates and cups that I like to use during this season. I have some with snowmen, Santas, and others with a primitive theme that are still for this season. I used to wait until the first day of December to put up my tree, Rick always dreaded when I put up the tree and always wanted it up and down as quickly as possible. I just love sitting in the living room with the lights out just looking at the tree in its splendor.

This year however we will be missing one. This is our first Christmas without Rick. I am not sure how we will actually deal with it, but we have done OK through Thanksgiving and his birthday. Though it is difficult to see, Hallmark has done it again, they have an ornament to commemorate the loss of someone special during the year. I got one for me and both kids, it has a pearl in an oyster shell and has the date and says "Every life leaves something behind" and if you are reading this and you knew Rick, you knew he did leave something behind. And I don't have to tell you what it was, and if you didn't know him and you have been reading this blog, you will already know what he left behind. I love y'all. I hope each and everyone has a blessed week ahead. I have placed the Christmas story from the Gospel of St. Luke. Please remember the reason for the season!
St Luke Chapter 2
1And it came to pass in those days, that there went out a decree from Caesar Augustus that all the world should be taxed.

2(And this taxing was first made when Cyrenius was governor of Syria.)

3And all went to be taxed, every one into his own city.

4And Joseph also went up from Galilee, out of the city of Nazareth, into Judaea, unto the city of David, which is called Bethlehem; (because he was of the house and lineage of David:)

5To be taxed with Mary his espoused wife, being great with child.

6And so it was, that, while they were there, the days were accomplished that she should be delivered.

7And she brought forth her firstborn son, and wrapped him in swaddling clothes, and laid him in a manger; because there was no room for them in the inn.

8And there were in the same country shepherds abiding in the field, keeping watch over their flock by night.

9And, lo, the angel of the Lord came upon them, and the glory of the Lord shone round about them: and they were sore afraid.

10And the angel said unto them, Fear not: for, behold, I bring you good tidings of great joy, which shall be to all people.

11For unto you is born this day in the city of David a Saviour, which is Christ the Lord.

12And this shall be a sign unto you; Ye shall find the babe wrapped in swaddling clothes, lying in a manger.

13And suddenly there was with the angel a multitude of the heavenly host praising God, and saying,

14Glory to God in the highest, and on earth peace, good will toward men.

15And it came to pass, as the angels were gone away from them into heaven, the shepherds said one to another, Let us now go even unto Bethlehem, and see this thing which is come to pass, which the Lord hath made known unto us.

16And they came with haste, and found Mary, and Joseph, and the babe lying in a manger.

17And when they had seen it, they made known abroad the saying which was told them concerning this child.

18And all they that heard it wondered at those things which were told them by the shepherds.

19But Mary kept all these things, and pondered them in her heart.

20And the shepherds returned, glorifying and praising God for all the things that they had heard and seen, as it was told unto them.

I love y'all
To be continued..................

Saturday, November 27, 2010

It is November 27!

So last night at my mom's house Perry touched the heating stove. He burned his little hand, has a big blister that developed over an hour after they got home. We decided maybe we should take him to the ER because of the size of the blister. Just wanted to be sure he would be OK. They felt like it would heal well. We tried to make it to Urgent Care, but they were already closed. We decided to go to Greenview because they had way fewer cars in the parking lot than the Medical Center ER did, so we went there. We had never taken the babies there, so we didn't know for sure if they took their insurance or not, so Valarie went in to ask. They would not tell her. She came back to the car crying. They would not tell her if they took it or not. Now, that aggravated me, so I went in. I asked the same question, and they told me due to EMTALA Laws they could not tell me whether or not they took her insurance. I told her she needed to just say yes, or no. She refused. Now, I asked to speak to her supervisor. She called her. The supervisor told me the same thing. I said, now I am a nurse. I don't know every law, but I don't believe you. She told me she could not tell me.....but "nurse to nurse we do take it" -- I told her thanks that was all we were asking. She explained that they couldn't do anything to "deter treatment" -- I told her we weren't going to go back home, we would just go to the other ER if they didn't want us. We stayed, got right in and were on the way home in about an hour! That was a good thing. Bless his heart, he cried for over an hour. That big blister did not develop right away. But, as you can see from the picture in the ER, he became his usual happy baby after the initial pain eased. He is doing well today. I looked up the EMTALA Law, it says to me that they can't refuse treatment based on the patients ability to pay in a true life threatening emergency. It says nowhere that I could find that they could not tell us whether or not they could take his insurance.

Today was Rick's birthday. He would have been 63 today, an old man! I used to tease him about his age. He would tease me right back. I am doing OK.

We had my side of the family (everyone who could be here anyway) here for breakfast this morning. My brother Doug and most of his family were here. Josh and his wife and new baby are in Florida, that is where they live. Their new baby girl is precious. Heather and Jonas came for a little while and cousins Donna and Debbie Smith (Donna is a Hyatt now actually) and their mom came. We have always invited them to things before but they had not been able to make it here before, but today they made it. We had a great time I think. If they left hungry it was their own fault. We had biscuits and gravy, chocolate gravy, ham, bacon, sausage, eggs, fried taters, and jelly if they wanted it. I thought it was quite tasty! We went through about 6 pots of coffee, a container of OJ, almost a half gallon of minute maid fruit punch and chocolate milk. We have enough left over to feed another army. Nick's girlfriend Brooke was here by 6:30 to help and I put her to work! She fried all the bacon and sausage and some of the ham. I made about sixty biscuits, and have some left over! It was good! At least I think so, they all told me it was good.

I told Jake to look at me, he did and this is how he looked at me. I have gotten in trouble so many times for that "look" that we don't even know we are giving.......just saying!

I hope you all have a great day.

I love y'all.

To be continued...............

John 3:16 (King James Version)

16For God so loved the world, that he gave his only begotten Son, that whosoever believeth in him should not perish, but have everlasting life.

Thursday, November 25, 2010

It has been a good day, except missing one.......

So today was Thanksgiving Day. It was a very good day except I miss Rick. I guess I always will, especially this time of year. We met in the fall. We fell in love in the fall on a rainy night much like this one, except it was warm enough for us to take a long walk in the rain. You might think that is crazy, but that is what we did. Anyway, today was a good day filled with family. I was the first to arrive at my parents house. Then Jeffrey Ashley and Thomas came then the others filed in a few at a time. Pictured to the left is my niece Brittany and niece-in-law Ashley. They were watching mom and Thomas. He is so cute. Ashley has been around for I don't really know six or seven years counting when they were dating. They have been married maybe four or five years now. Ashley's mom and I went to high school together. We had several of the same classes all four years but especially the first two years. Marie's husband Gary (Ashley's dad) passed away about eighteen months ago from cancer. Little did we know Rick would be right behind him. The next picture is of Ashely and my nephew Jeffrey. I still remember when he was born. My first nephew. He had an imaginary friend when he was about three or four. Guess his name? Rick! Just after Rick met everyone on Thanksgiving of 1984, Jeffrey decided to claim him as his friend. It was so cute. Jeffrey was one of Rick's Pall Bearers.

Mom had all the usual Thanksgiving fixings today, turkey and dressing with gravy, ham, sweet potatoes, green beans, mashed potatoes, mac and cheese, fried potatoes, baked beans, rolls, and numerous desserts. If anyone left hungry it was their own fault.

The cabinet was a find of Rick's. He found it at a sale back in the early 90's. His aunt Bonita used it in her kitchen for many years. She sent it home a couple of years ago. We made a place for it. I use the cubby for my cookbooks. I also keep a bowl of cooking implements sitting on the counter. I like it. I found the primitive tree at Kerr's this week, put a small string of clear lights on it and set it on the counter. I love it. It does not really have Christmas ornaments on it so I might leave it sitting there all year. I also placed the 2 white churches on top that we received when Rick passed away.

I hope each and everyone had a wonderful Thanksgiving and that each one of us stops every day to offer thanks to the One above who makes each day possible. If I could list everything I was thankful for each day, I would never be able to stop writing.

1 Chronicles 29:11-11Ch 29:11 Thine, O LORD, is the greatness, and the power, and the glory, and the victory, and the majesty: for all that is in the heaven and in the earth is thine; thine is the kingdom, O LORD, and thou art exalted as head above all. 12 Both riches and honour come of thee, and thou reignest over all; and in thine hand is power and might; and in thine hand it is to make great, and to give strength unto all. 13 Now therefore, our God, we thank thee, and praise thy glorious name.
1 Thessalonians 5:18
In every thing give thanks: for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus concerning you.
I love you all.

To be continued.............

Wednesday, November 24, 2010

Thanksgiving 2010 will be here in just under 2 hours

There is so much to be thankful for. If I could list all the things I am thankful for you would be reading for a while. Tonight at prayer meeting they sang a song "So Much to Thank Him For" and boy can I identify with that! I am thankful for God, salvation, that I have a better place to go when this life is over, that I know without a shadow of a doubt that Rick is there waiting for us, our little church and all the friends we have there, when we started going there about 8 or 9 years ago they took us in and treated us like family. And when the events of the past year started, they were right there. I am so blessed beyond words for my friends and family, friends that are just like family, my spot at Stockholm and all the memories I have of my time there, for Roy Page who stayed by my side until I made it through (even though I didn't admit it for almost a year), and all the family and friends I have there, that they were the ones to help my kids when they were lost--both of my children were saved there too, for the years I had with Rick and all the memories we shared--both good and not so good, that I was able to be there with him the entire last six weeks of his life, that he didn't have much pain with everything he went through, that I have a warm house to come home to, a decent vehicle to drive, a job, work friends, food on my table, health, I could go on and on. 2 or 3 weeks ago some of us on facebook started posting what we were thankful for every day, was just supposed to be until Thanksgiving. I may try to continue it a little further. We shall see.

So Much To Thank Him For

1) When I look around and see all the good things He's done for me

I know I'm unworthy of them all

For His blessings He freely gives, I owe my life to Him

I've got so much to thank Him for


And I've got so much to thank Him for, so much to praise Him for,

You see, He has been so good to me

And when I think of what He's done, and where He's brought me from

I've got so much to thank Him for

2) And sometimes, while on this Way, I stop to kneel and say,

"Thank you" for all He's done for me

And when I reach sweet Heaven's shore only just let me kneel once more

I've got so much to thank Him for

Chorus-- 2x

And when I think of what He's done, and where He's brought me from

I've got so much to thank Him for

I love y'all......
To be continued............

I made it through the first one........

Well, it is technically November 24 now, I made it through the first "anniversary of" with just a few tears. I thought about him all day today. At about one thirty I was thinking about our drive to the ER, as the sky darkened with the fall of night, I was thinking about that long drive I made alone to Nashville about 20 minutes behind the ambulance. But I really wasn't alone. God went with me and that still small voice kept repeating trust me to my heart, and still does today, and I talked to Brother Stephen for over half the trip. He and Brother David among many others were rocks to us during the illness. Sandy and Kathy, the Spencers, Bobby Joe, Keith, the Woosleys and Bullocks along with Nick and Becca, and 3 of Rick's sisters were all there on the day of surgery. They didn't leave us alone down there that day. We had our dear friends with us the day of surgery, we always had them with us even if they didn't make the trip. And there were many others as well who were always with us in spirit even though they couldn't be with us in body. Rick didn't want to put anyone out by having them there. I didn't want that either. But I am so grateful they were there.

November 23 had other meanings too. April Cline would have been 21 today. Brandon is here spending time with Nick. He misses his sister. You can see it in his eyes. But I think spending time with Nick has helped him.

November 23 had a good thing today, I have a new great niece....again! Twice in just a couple of months. This time it is my nephew Josh's new baby daughter. Adriana Elizabeth. Will have to wait to see who she looks like. She is tiny. 7 pounds 2 ounces. Babies everywhere!!!

Short post tonight.

I love y'all.

To be continued............

Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding;
in all your ways acknowledge Him, and He will make your paths straight
(Proverbs 3:5-6)

Monday, November 22, 2010

The wind has me anxious

Just watched the weather report. It may storm tonight. I don't like storms any more right now than I did this past summer. Boo. The wind is howling. I had to take down my star from the front porch, I was afraid it would blow away or worse, break the siding. The wind is strong! And we may have some snow?!? That is right, Thursday night the rain may end as snow. WOW! I guess it really is near the end of November.

One year ago tonight I had a bad feeling. I thought something was wrong with my husband. He said it was just tired. I let it go. Even if I had made him go that night, nothing would have changed. It was too late. Cancer was already invading his body. One thing of many to be thankful for was that in everything he went through, he really did not have very much pain. I am so grateful for that. One thing I would have loved to have changed was the way the steroids affected him. That was very difficult for him. He went for days not sleeping because of those. He rearranged my kitchen 2 or 3 times in the 4 or 5 weeks he was on the steroids. I am still finding infrequently used items in strange places. He was trying to help. I miss him. I miss him so much more than you could ever imagine.

I ask you all to remember in prayer all the families who have had tragedy's this past weekend and those who suffer serious illness. There are the 2 who were run down and killed trying to cross the road near the "new" walmart, there is the small child who strangled herself with a cord to the blinds this weekend, my cousin's wife who suffered a severe stroke and the family is being told she most likely will not survive, the man who wrecked on the Brownsville bridge today, Jennifer and her family, Stacey and her family and countless others who are seriously ill. Prayer is the answer to so many questions. Sometimes we do not know the question, sometimes we do not know how to or what to pray for, God knows. Just put forth the effort and He is right there to hear and answer in His way, in His time. I still hear Him say "trust me" to my heart on a daily basis just like He told me when I was knelt in that bathroom floor in the waiting room at Baptist December 1, 2009 when Dr. Hampf was operating on Rick. He will answer, just sometimes we don't want to listen to the answer He gives. We still have to trust Him.

Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding;
in all your ways acknowledge Him, and He will make your paths straight (Proverbs 3:5-6)
I love y'all, goodnight.
To be continued............

Sunday, November 21, 2010

I am not sure how to deal with this

As we get closer to 11/23/10, I find myself distracted, thinking about Rick and wondering what could have been had we discovered the tumor much earlier. I know, it happened exactly the way it was supposed to. But I can not help but wonder. God knows what He is doing every second of every minute of every hour of every day. He does not make mistakes. I know Rick is a winner. He testified to that very fact on Wednesday night the day he came home from the hospital after the tumor was found. It was Thanksgiving eve. It was also November 25, 2009. Tomorrow is the first anniversary of his difficulty ordering food that led us to investigate further on November 23. I will be working tomorrow, and home Tuesday. I hope to be distracted by my work that I won't dwell on what the date is.

And actually, I am sure how to deal with this. I must turn it over to Him. He is the One who will take this from me, help me deal with it and help me to move on. I will never forget Rick. I am not supposed to forget him. He was my world for almost 25 years.

Early this morning, my cousin's wife was flown by helicopter to a Louisville Hospital with a massive stroke. She is not doing well at all. Please pray for Linda and her family. If you are reading this, if you know "Sandy Buck" that used to work at the Minit Mart at Brownsville, it is her sister in law. If you are reading this and you work at the Medical Center, she is Tammy Childress' sister in law. Her name is Linda Childress. She and Sammy Dale have 2 sons (grown). They live in the Gap Hill community of Edmonson County. My heart goes out to them. I know the uncertainty they are facing.

I ask you to pray if you know the worth of prayer. I ask you to pray for Sam and Linda and their family, for Jennifer and Chad and their family, for Stacey and her husband and family and all the others who are suffering with serious illness and loss at this precious time of the year.

Matthew 7
7 Ask, and it shall be given you; seek, and ye shall find; knock, and it shall be opened unto you:
8 For every one that asketh receiveth; and he that seeketh findeth; and to him that knocketh it shall be opened.
9 Or what man is there of you, whom if his son ask bread, will he give him a stone?
10 Or if he ask a fish, will he give him a serpent?
11 If ye then, being evil, know how to give good gifts unto your children, how much more shall your Father which is in heaven give good things to them that ask him?
I love you all.

To be continued........

Thursday, November 18, 2010

I know I am not supposed to ask why

Today I found out that a friend of mine from work has a brain tumor. She is in the hospital in Nashville, had a preliminary surgery because the tumor is very vascular (it has a big blood supply). They were unable to block all the blood supply, but they were able to block most of it. It is the hope of the surgeons that it is a meningioma which is common and usually benign.

I pray that it is benign. She has a small child at home. She is the sweetest person you could ever want to meet. I felt like they didn't want to tell me about her, I found out because they were having a fundraiser for her and someone called the unit to remind us. Everyone I asked about it knew already.

If you are reading this and you know the worth of prayer, I ask you to whisper a prayer for my friend and her family. She is someone I love. I also ask you to remember another friend who is seriously ill in another way. She, too has a small daughter. She is someone I love. Both these girls could be my children. I am that old or they are that young...anyway. Please ask God to help them both.

I love y'all.

To be continued........

Wednesday, November 17, 2010

Old pictures... fond memories...

This is a picture of Rick and me from probably 1987--the year we moved to Massachusetts. It was taken at one of his sisters houses during a visit home. I think it was after he went there but before I went. He made 2 trips home during that period from March to July. He really worked hard when we moved to Massachusetts. His job with GM lasted the longest of any he had during our time together. During his last ten or so years he was retired from GM, and mostly gardened, fished, and cut wood, the chore he was doing when the tumor was found. Don't get me wrong--HE WORKED! When I say he gardened, I don't mean a few rows in the front yard, I mean acres and acres of beans, corn, tomatoes, potatoes, peppers, cabbage, and many other things. And he would double and sometimes triple crop some of the rows. We sold vegetables from May until October every year. Then firewood season came in and he sold hundreds of loads of wood. He didn't cut wood for a leisure activity, it was a fall money maker just like vegetables all spring, summer and early fall. Even his fishing wasn't leisure. It involved all 4 of us to get ready, then he and Norman would go set their lines, fish for bait, bait their lines and then run them in the early mornings. Then they would spend all day cleaning and putting up their catch. THEN we would have a big fry with fifty or sixty people here. He enjoyed that so much and we would have fry's 3 or 4 times a year every year. He wanted to have a fry before he passed away. He just got so sick and had to go to the hospital before that could happen. The picture of the garden was from May of 2009 and was only one section of many. What is represented in the photo is less than only about 1/4 of his garden and the pans you see here are from one days catch with Norman and his brother. They cleaned fish for about 4 hours that day. These fish then had to go into quart size freezer bags after soaking in salt water over night. You would not believe how many bags his portion of this bounty was. We still have about 10 or 15 bags left. I don't eat fish, so I probably need to get them out and give them to Norman. In 6 days it will be the one year anniversary of finding the tumor. I miss him. I wish I would wake and find out that this has just been a nightmare. I know that won't happen, but I can wish. I smelled his cologne yesterday while I was driving. I do that sometimes. I look at the babies and wish they could have known what a good man their papaw was. And how much he loved them. I love you all.

To be continued........

Saturday, November 13, 2010

Just 10 days from the one year mark........

This picture was made last Thanksgiving at my Mom's house. It was November 26, just 3 days after the tumor was found. We knew at this point what the tumor most likely was and that we would have a difficult battle. What we did not know was just how little time we would have and that that Thanksgiving would be our last as a family the way it was. Now we are a family with one missing in body, ever present in our memory however. He looks healthy in this picture. By looking at this you would never know that in 14 weeks and 2 days he would be gone. He had a fighting spirit about him. He wanted to try whatever was recommended to try to survive the cancer. It just turned out that God had other plans.....plans which we do not understand. We are not meant to understand, just know that He knows what He is doing and we must remember that. And we must remember this scripture:

Jeremiah 29:11

"For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future."

I know I believe it, I really do. I just don't understand and part of me wants to now, not later. I think that is the human part of the equation. It is not meant for us to understand. My head knows that, but my heart has turned a deaf ear. As we get closer to the one year anniversary, I find myself wondering why a little more. I ask and still get the answer I got on the drive to Nashville November 23, 2009 "trust Me" ~ maybe He is testing my faith, I don't know. I am trying my best to maintain it. Dear friends and family, you have stood by us through out all of this. I ask that you continue to remember us in prayer when we cross your mind. I know I am not the first woman to lose a husband. But this is a first for me. There is an ever present learning curve to this. It was Rick and Myra for so very long (since October 2004~approximately a little over half my life) and it is so very difficult to be Myra without him. I hope you never have to experience this for yourself. It hurts every second of every day. And they say it gets easier as time goes by. I wonder when it will start.

I am not posting this to make anyone feel sorry for me. The whole point of this blog from day one was for me to have a place to vent how I feel, maybe help someone else and try to maintain some kind of sense of understanding by expressing how I feel.

I love you all.

To be continued..........

Monday, November 8, 2010

November good and bad

November has many good things about it. Thanksgiving comes in November. Thanksgiving has always been a very much celebrated holiday around my family. My papaw James loved "turkey day" and always wanted to buy the turkey that my mom would cook and sometimes mammaw would cook so we would go there. He always bought twice as much turkey as we needed but that was papaw. He was a James and you just don't argue with a James! I remember so many times going to their house, climbing up in his lap while he peeled a yellow delicious apple for me with his pocket knife and let me throw the peeling on the fire burning in the fireplace. The coal would crackle, the apple peeling would scent up the room. Such sweet memories!

So, other good things in November my baby brother Douglas Lee was born November 2, as was Uncle Lelan and his daughter Pauletta; my great nephew Jonas was born in November. Rick was born in November too. He would have been 63 this year. On his birthday this year, my family will come here for breakfast. Doug and his family will still be here from Thanksgiving. My friend Sandy has a birthday November 18. My cousin Donna has a birthday November 12. My sister in law Janice has a birthday November 26.

November has sad memories for me too. Monday November 9, 1981 my Papaw James died from complications from bleeding ulcers. November 22, 1984 (Thanksgiving night that year) my Aunt Val (who my daughter is named for) died from heart problems. Thursday November 17, 1994 my mammaw James died from complications from a ruptured abdominal aortic aneurysm. Monday November 23, 2009 Rick was diagnosed with a "mass" in his brain. You know the rest of that story.

I love the Thanksgiving through Christmas season, I love to remember what the holidays stand for. I love this time of year. But it is always bittersweet. This year it will begin a new anniversary for us. It will add a new chapter to our lives. It begins marking the annual "anniversary of's" that will always be a part of us forevermore.

The other day I thought maybe I had grown some by the grace of God. A few days later I learned I had a lot more growing to do! I hope I can continue to grow, a little at a time and keep moving forward without taking too many steps back! I ask y'all to remember me and my family when you pray that we may continue to grow in His grace, that we may continue to remember Rick with love, miss him and never, ever forget what he stood for. We will try our best to remember you our friends and family who have stood by us through all of this. We love you all.

To be continued.......

Saturday, November 6, 2010

The day is almost over and so far I made it......

Today marks the 8 month anniversary of Rick's death. I have been very busy at work today, the best thing I think. We were soooo busy today! But, today is behind us! I have made it to now without crying much. I still miss him like it was yesterday but I would not bring him back to suffer for anything in this world. He is at peace and one day we will be together again.

A few days ago a friend of mine challenged us to post as our status something we are thankful for every day until Thanksgiving. I am taking that to heart, at least for now. I have tried a gratitude journal once, it lasted a week or two, I missed one day and that did it. I plan to keep this up until Thanksgiving. We shall see. If you are reading this, I challenge you to go to my profile page and find that post, copy and paste it as your status then with the next post begin your gratitude postings. You will find it makes you stop and thing and Marsha was right, the farther you get into it, the more challenging it becomes.

3. I know the day is almost over but I am thankful for my job--it keeps a roof over my head, shoes on my feet, and food on my table. I always remain thankful for the One who died on the cross that I (and you if you want it) have an everlasting home when this life is over. ♥

2. Today I am thankful for my friends and family

1. Today I am thankful for my salvation...
The above one two and three are the things I have posted so far. We will see if I can continue it.

Now a few passages from one of my favorite books in the Bible. Know that Rick was reading this particular book when he became ill. He loved the songs of King David. I had not realized a lot about this man until I got into reading from the Psalms as well. King David was tested and tried, made mistakes, suffered the path of humble repentance on more than one occasion just as we all have. He found favor with God. We can all do that if we humble ourselves before Him and obey His will in our life. A very challenging project that I keep trying to reach for.

Psalm 46:10
Be still and know that I am God

Psalm 103: 8-17

There is a time for everything,
And a season for every activity under heaven:
A time to be born and a time to die
A time to plant and a time to uproot,
A time to kill and a time to heal,
A time to tear down and a time to build,
A time to weep and a time to laugh,
A time to mourn and a time to dance,
A time to scatter stones and a time to gather them,
A time to embrace and a time to refrain,
A time to search and a time to give up,
A time to keep and a time to throw away,
A time to tear and a time to mend,
A time to be silent and a time to speak,
A time to love and a time to hate,
A time for war and a time for peace

This is all for tonight. Please consider the gratitude list. At least if you don't want to post it, keep it in your heart. I chose to post to help me keep my commitment. And one last thing if anyone knows how to turn off the nose faucet, please message me and let me know!!

I love you all. Good night.

To be continued.............