Sunday, April 28, 2013

It's been a strange day

For the past couple of weeks I have been having what I believe are esophageal spasms again. It was about this time last year when I had a similar feeling. Can't believe it's been a year already but it has. The spasm is so intense it causes chest tightness with jaw and arm aching. I had a left heart cath (heart artery dye test) last April that didn't show any blockages. I had the cath because of an abnormal EKG and these same symptoms. I am pretty well worn out quite easily and pretty short of breath at rest tonight. Having a hard time understanding this. Heart arteries don't block in one year especially in non diabetics. I'm faithful taking my meds and use my CPAP every night. A short time ago I was in the living room with Nick & Austin. I felt like I was gonna faint. I could hear Nick but really didn't know if I was answering him or not. It happened when I was about to stand up. I'm ok from that now but really didn't like how it made me feel. I am not considering going to the ER at this point. Right this second the only thing I feel is very very winded. I know I have a form if congestive heart failure called diastolic dysfunction which means my heart pumps the right amount if blood with each heartbeat but it beats faster and works harder than it should to do that. Under active thyroid is one cause. I take a synthroid pill every morning without fail.

I'm supposed to work Monday and Tuesday. At this point tonight, I don't know if I can go in tomorrow. I can't if I don't get to feeling better! Friday was very rough. I had a lot of shortness of breath and I found myself leaning on bed rails and walls to catch my breath. I kept up with my work and would have asked for help if I couldn't.

I will be ok. I will tell Dr Lin and Dr Avula about this and see what they think. Probably should have done that already.

The picture is my snowball bush. It was on the place when we bought it 22 years ago. Those now green balls of blooms will soon turn white. I can't wait!

Saturday, April 27, 2013

Still Waiting

Although I felt the interview went well, I am still waiting to hear. Apparently there are several nurses who are interested in the job. I don't have a clue who and it is my hope that the best person for the job is the one placed in it. I'm still hoping that will be me. It's also my understanding that after all the candidates are interviewed, it will be narrowed down and the final candidates will be interviewed a second time with some of the potential coworkers. Their opinion will count towards who in chosen. I am not discouraged. I still believe its going to be me. No one has told me that- its just my faith in answered prayers for a less physically stressful job and to have the ability to go to church every weekend. I miss that! I will update when I know more.

My babies have been saying some very cute things. Val asked Bubba about going outside. He told her "you can't go outside because you might get hit by a car and killed" and he's so very country when he says it. He also can't go outside because a stranger might beat you up. You have to say "you can't go with me understand?!" He's so precious. And Tobi said Gamma doesn't feed the birds and Gamma don't have birdhouses. And she's very serious. Oh, the blessings of iPhones, video, texting and instant communication!!

There is so much to pray for friends! There has been so much loss and sickness and trouble everywhere you turn along with heartache and loneliness. Please pray for your neighbors. God knows all about all of it! Please remember Jeff and Vonnie Priddy. They are still so hurt and sad and many, many feelings I could never begin to comprehend over their sons senseless murder! Please ask God to comfort their hearts and to please trouble the killer(s) heart(s) to the point that they are found - whoever they are!!

I love all y'all!❤
To be continued....

Thursday, April 18, 2013

A little update

The interview went very well. The job I actually placed the job interest form for will likely be filled 'internally' from within the department. However, a different job came open on Monday in the same department that would be a bit better suited to me. It's called Case Manager. It's reviewing information and keeping insurance updated on progress as well as many other responsibilities. And it's in CCU (but under another department- not CCU if that makes sense). I would actually rather have that job; and interviewed for it yesterday. It would be on the job training. It takes a while to learn, but I'm certain I could. And it's no weekends no holidays Monday through Friday. The director had me go over to human resources to discuss what the pay would be and if the job is offered, I will take it. I am certainly making it working 12's now but it's getting more stressful on me physically. I'm exhausted and spent on my days off. I think it will be a good move for many reasons and the last 15-20 years of my work can be at a different pace. All but 3 or 4 years of almost 35 years had been at the bedside. Many many people retire with less time. I'm not old enough. And too poor! (Can't even consider drawing retirement for about 15 more years). So the gist is if they will have me I'm leaving bedside nursing. It's bitter-sweet. I have tears, fears, even guilt for thinking if leaving. But I have to put my health first. And I've been praying for something and here it is. How can I turn it away when it's so obviously an answered prayer.

Matthew 7:7
Ask, and it shall be given you; seek, and ye shall find; knock, and it shall be opened unto you: (Matthew 7:7 KJV)

I love all y'all❤
To be continued....

Tuesday, April 16, 2013

I heard a rumor!

Today I heard a rumor Sandy saw her first hummer today!! I'm excited!! I hope to see one in the morning!!! Fingers crossed!!

Another rumor? No, fact. I interview tomorrow for a different job at 1pm. I really don't want to leave CCU; but, I need something less stressful for a while. I've been back almost 9 years. Wow. Doesn't seem like that long ago but it was! Nine years ago gas was under $1.50/ gallon. Getting over that price in May is what prompted me to return to Bowling Green. Now look at it! Yesterday it was 3.22 and this morning it was 3.50. Shouldn't be over 1.50. Don't get me started.

I still have friends in Massachusetts. I haven't heard from them today and pray they are safe! Today I posted on Facebook the song Willie Nelson and Toby Keith put out a few years ago: 'Whiskey for My Men, Beer for My Horses". Now, everyone who knows me knows I don't drink and don't condone getting drunk. But, the other words to this song say a lot. Pretty much it's talking about justice for the victim - people taking (or being forced to take) responsibility for their actions. I'm thinking its also talking about protecting the public not the criminal. I agree!

Here's the song copied from the Internet:

Well a man, come on
Six o'clock news
Says somebody been shot
Somebody's been abused
Somebody blew up a building
Somebody stole their car
Somebody got away
Somebody didn't get too far, yeah
They didn't get too far

Grandpappy told my pappy
Back in my day, son
A man had to answer
For the wicked thing he done
Take all the rope in Texas
Find a tall oak tree
Round up all of them bad boys
And hang 'em high in the street
For all the people to see

And justice is the one thing
You should always find
You gotta saddle up your boys
You gotta draw a hard line
When the gun smoke settles
We'll sing a victory tune
And we'll all meet back
At the local saloon

We'll raises up our glasses
Against evil forces
Singing, Whiskey for my men, beer for my horses!

We got too many gangsters
Doing dirty deeds
Too much corruption
And crime in the streets
It's time the long arm of the law
Put a few more in the ground
Send them all to their Maker
And he'll set them on down
You can bet, He'll set 'em down

Cause justice is the one thing
You should always find
You gotta saddle up your boys
You gotta draw a hard line
When the gunsmoke settles
We'll sing a victory tune
And we'll all meet back
At the local saloon

And we'll raise up our glasses
Against evil forces
Singing, ;Whiskey for my men, beer for my horses!
Whiskey for my men, beer for my horses!

You know justice is the one thing
You should always find
You gotta saddle up your boys
You gotta draw a hard line
When the gunsmoke settles
We'll sing a victory tune
And we'll all met back
At the local saloon

We'll raise up our glasses
Against evil forces
Singing, ;Whiskey for my men, beer for my horses!
Singing ;Whiskey for my men, beer for my horses!'

That song says volumes!! It really does!!!

I love all y'all! ❤
To be continued......

Please pray for our country that our great nation might return to the old paths and make our way straight! Wake up America before its too late!!

Please pray for your friends and neighbors. Especially the local friends who have been affected by violence and that they receive as much justice as possible!

Saturday, April 13, 2013

Redbuds are blooming!

Looking out the kitchen window this morning I saw new redbud trees in bloom and several bluejays playing around them. The sun was just beginning to shine that direction. It was beautiful! The dogwoods have really big buds on them so they will be blooming soon. Hopefully it will warm back up this coming week too.

A new job had become available at work. I have agonized and prayed about it and Thursday I applied a job interest request for it. I don't really want to leave CCU but I really don't want to work 12 hour shifts anymore. I've been doing this 35 years this year. I think I've earned weekends and holidays off by now. I've missed birthdays. I've missed Christmas Days and Christmas Eves and Easters and in 35 years how many church services do you think I've missed?! I knew going in about all that so it was absolutely my choice. All I ever really wanted to do was be a nurse. Now, it's time to consider a new role. I an still torn a little. I can't really afford a pay cut which I've been told might happen if I make the move and I would so very much miss my patients! So, we shall see what the numbers are and the position hasn't even been formally offered so we shall see!

Aspartame free update: I've lost count how long it's been (? 10 weeks) but it's going very well. I get nauseous even thinking about drinking a coke zero. Symptom relief has leveled off and I do feel much much better!

Y'all get out and enjoy this beautiful day!

I love all y'all! ❤
To be continued....

Wednesday, April 10, 2013

So glad it's spring

I've been front porching it again today. I ❤ this weather! The redbud trees are about ready to bloom and the dogwoods are full of buds as well. Monday my snowball bush was full of buds. Today those have tripled in size. Ah, spring! The weather forecast is a bit tricky though. They are calling for storms sometime in the next 16-24 hrs. Then a cool down. Don't fret though, the cool down is dogwood winter I'm pretty sure- from the looks of the trees anyway. We still have a couple more cool spells before summer gets here. And it will. And then we will be complaining about the heat. No happy medium I guess!

I am feeling better. Less guilt. It will be fine.

I love all y'all!❤
To be continued....

The tree is a dogwood out my back door.

Tuesday, April 9, 2013

Beautiful Day

As I sit on my front porch this mid-day, I find I'm becoming distracted by the wind- which is quite brisk at times; but, it's a warm wind. There are many varieties of birds singing. A mockingbird serenaded me a few minutes ago then flew on to other perches tho I can still hear the song in the distance. And there are passing clouds. Sometimes they appear like they will drop a little rain, then they move on.

My heart is heavy for a friend who lost her grandmother. I had no clue about this until last night. The funeral was a few days ago and I didn't know. I worked Friday through Sunday and had no clue. I sent her a Facebook message/apology as soon as I heard. Actually, I didn't hear about it. No one told me. I saw where she posted her grandmas video on FB. I made my apology to her. She was very understanding, knowing the job I have and all. I guess one thing that hurts is when Rick was so sick, they were there for us. I was unable to return the favor. She knows now it wasn't that I didn't care but rather that I didn't know. My heart isn't as understanding as she was. My heart has guilt that I didn't even pray for comfort for them because I didn't know they were in need. Someone would have come in a little early to work for me to have been able to visit with them a few minutes. She forgave me. I guess I need to work on forgiving myself. And in a way it makes me wonder why no one told me. There have been so many things happening around that I had no clue about. This is just another on the list. It's OK though. God knows my heart and its all OK.

One more day off then back to work. I love being a nurse. I get to help people through some of the worst times in their life. Just like people helped me. I believe it was what I was born to do. Come summer, I will be doing this job 35 years. Sometimes that just doesn't seem possible then I do the math. It is.

I love all y'all.❤
To be continued......

The photo is of the building where it all began in August 1977. Glasgow School for Practical Nurses. It has changed over the past 35 years. One of my fellow graduates is the director over BGTC Nursing Program and his daughter is one of the instructors. My niece, Ashley James, is a nursing student there. Full circle? Yep, I think so.

Monday, April 8, 2013

Busy weekend

Just worked a 3 day weekend, pretty tired after 2. Was hoping for a 'peaceful' Sunday. That was a useless hope. It wasn't overwhelmingly busy yesterday. Just busy enough to keep us hopping. I am tired today. Been awake since 5am.

I've had 3 monster cups of coffee this morning. They were so tasty. Love my Keurig! Sitting on the front porch now, enjoying the morning- listening to the birds chirp and watching Miss Luna rest.

Miss Luna was way down in the woods Saturday. She was hurt by something, but she's walking, talking, eating and drinking so hopefully she will be ok! We love Miss Luna. And yes, kitty's do talk to their humans. Don't believe me? Ask someone else who loves their cat!

Y'all have a glorious blessed day!
Love all yall!❤
To be continued.....

Saturday, April 6, 2013

Glad for the warmer weather!

Although I worked yesterday and today, we finally have a taste of spring! I understand tomorrow will be good too, I just won't see it either but I can dream about it and look out the window; and, when Monday comes, I can enjoy it! YAY! Spring!

The past few days I have been trying to get past some things. I'm still working on it. There are some tough decisions I must make; unsure what to do still but I have faith my answers will come and I will know what I need to do.

I love all y'all!❤
To be continued.....

Gamma's boy!

Wednesday, April 3, 2013

A better day

Today was quite a bit better than last night. I really feel guilt (my Irish/English heritage-) for even complaining about it. I have so very much to be thankful for. All I have to do is look around and see there is so much bad stuff happening around me that my puny complaints should be nothing. Friends suffering with cancer. Long time almost family dying yesterday from cancer. High school friend lost her husband. Another long time friend lost a daughter in law to be. I should be thanking God that all is as well as it is instead of complaining about things I have no control over. Forgive me for that.

Please keep Lisa and her family in your prayers. And Geneva's family. And the young man who lost his fiancé. He had just worked on Pap's car the day of or the day before she died. Also please remember others who have list lived ones in the past several months and those who are starting over from other reasons. Loss is so difficult. You might say what good can one person do? PRAY! That's what you can do. And if others pray, those prayers be it one or one hundred help give strength to those who are in need. Trust me on that. And if you are a neighbor, when your time if need comes, God will provide a neighbor to pray for you. He will. Rest assured!

I love all y'all.❤
To be continued....

I ❤ my babies!

Tuesday, April 2, 2013

Random Thoughts in April

It's April already and it feels like January! Just once I'd like to have a division of the four seasons. Once before I die.... I don't believe that's too much to ask! I'm afraid we will go straight into summer. We do still have a few cold spells to get through. Dogwoods and redbuds still have to bloom as well as blackberries.

There is so much I want to say tonight. For various reasons, I can't. I would cry but that messes with my CPAP. I know this is my blog and I usually write whats truly bothering me but I can't with this. I just don't know what to do except pray for answers and clarity. Pray that what I need is made clear to me. It's for sure God is very aware of what I mean by this.

Please remember my Aunt Chris in your prayers. (Uncle Floyd's wife). Her sister passed away today after a difficult battle with cancer. She was a precious woman.

I love all y'all!❤
To be continued....

(Stock photo from the Internet- not my photo)

Come on Spring! We are waiting!