Friday, June 27, 2014

2014 is almost half over

This year is almost half over. 3 more days and June will be behind us. Unsettling time of year for me now.  In six days would have been our 29th anniversary.  This time of year is difficult  for many reasons. That is just one reason. I think sometimes I don't understand why we have the emotion of love when it hurts so bad when our loved ones leave us. I realize much of the time they are in a better place, way better than we have it here. 

In a week our country celebrates another year of freedom. It is Independence Day. This day has great memories of good times with friends and especially one in particular.  It was a couple years before Rick's tumor was found.  Rick and I were at friends' celebrating the fourth (annual tradition for YEARS) when we sat down to eat, Rick picked up a coke bottle - 2 liter - and the plastic was thin and his big ole hands squeezed that bottle and up and out of the bottle came the coke. Then he dropped it. It went all over the place. He was embarrassed. Very embarrassed. Then, of course, I laughed. He said gruffly: "its not funny!!" - He grabbed a towel to clean up the mess - it was a cute decorative towel (strawberries you know) - Sandy said "not with that" I said it at the same time. He looked at me so seriously "give me something then!" I was cracking up. Everyone else was afraid to laugh at him at first. Finally, he laughed and everyone else did too. It was so funny - coke was everywhere. But it was still funny! We never let him forget that. I plan on spending my fourth there this year as well. Annual tradition. We will have a cookout and talk and play and remember that year Rick spilled the coke as we do every year and after dark we will shoot fireworks and I will yell "more, more" and Tonya Lynn will yell "faster, faster" and Sandy will yell "again, again! then we will clean it all up and go home. Good times with friends who are like family.  

In case you were wondering it is getting closer to my favorite times of year! I love the fall, I love fall decorating with shock fodder, straw bales and scarecrows, witches and pumpkins! I love Thanksgiving because it was my Papaw James' favorite time of year! I love Christmas because of what it means! so.....

In case you were wondering how long it is until those holidays:

180 days until Christmas!
153 days until Thanksgiving!
125 days until Halloween!
I love all y'all!❤️
To be continued......

Tuesday, June 24, 2014

Randomness again

It has been a long time since my last post. So much and yet so little has gone on. It seems some days I am just hanging on and some days I am great. The last day I worked about got the best of me at the beginning of the shift, but I made it and the rest of the day was great. I was even able to lend a hand.

There is so much I would like to say, but can't. Even though this is MY blog and my place to vent, I will just keep a few things to myself.

I am trying to move forward. I have a few guilt feelings from time to time just thinking about moving forward so it seems I let that guilt keep me in the same place, just inching instead of making great progress. 

I went to church Saturday night. I didn't stay long. It was so humid out, and I didn't feel good, so I left. Breathing was short. Sunday was homecoming. I just couldn't go. Besides the humidity getting the best of me, it is still so very difficult to be there. I look at Rick's empty corner and the emotion just rolls in. I have tears welling up, trying not to cry right now. Maybe I should find a new place to go. But we went to so many places together. Would that also be difficult? It has been well over four years since he died. My head says it is long enough. Get over it. My heart says differently. 

Maybe part of what is wrong today is I went to get new tires this morning. I passed that old familiar spot in Brownsville where I spent my summer Tuesdays, Fridays and Saturdays-- at the Farmers Market on the square in front of the courthouse. They moved it back there. There was only one vendor this morning. He or she didn't look busy, and I didn't stop. Don't think I could. 

I got some news I didn't want to hear yesterday. Nothing bad, nothing life changing unfortunately. It will be OK! And so will I!

I love all y'all!❤️
To be continued.....