Monday, January 25, 2016

So much snow

I had to work the weekend so because of the coming snow, I went Thursday night. I had a warm room, sort of a bed and a TV. And a bathroom down the hall. Couldn't ask for more. I got to come home late Saturday afternoon. We had 13 inches of snow here! Today was 50 degrees. Its melting. Yay.

38 years ago it was worse. I was in LPN school in Glasgow. We were stuck there like 3 weeks. No calling in there! The weather is weird sometimes. I remember the winter of 1977 too. I was supposed to graduate high school at mid term. It was mid February before we got out. I'd rather have the normal mild winters!

Its almost 11:30 pm. I can't sleep. The past few nights I've dreamt about Rick. I suppose its because its the time if year it is. 6 years Wednesday morning was the last time he was able to talk to me. That breathing tube went in and never came back out. It hurts to see him in the dreams.

Maybe Ill be distracted enough this week I won't think too much about it.

I think its all.

I love all y'all.
To be continued.....

Monday, January 18, 2016


In just 5 short days, another anniversary will pass. Its one I wish I didn't have. January 23 2010 was the last hours ever my husband was in our home. The home we built together. The home we planned together. The one we worked so hard for. The one our children grew up in. The only home Nick can remember. In the late afternoon that day he was so sick and obviously oxygen hungry he let me call an ambulance. His next ride would be 6 weeks later in a funeral home van. That day was a whirlwind. That morning he walked to the car to go to the Dr. By the time we got there it was all I could to to get him in a wheelchair to get him inside. By the time we called the ambulance, he couldn't walk. He was too weak and had such trouble breathing. When EMS arrived, his oxygen was so low they took him with lights and siren blaring. I was more afraid than when we found the tumor. Long story short (and already in a previous post) blood clots to his lungs - multiple. Complications from them took his life. He had one of those filters placed on January 24 but kept having the clots.

I miss him more than you ever could know unless you've lost a spouse too. Then you know. I overheard it said once that losing a sibling was worse. You could get another spouse but you can't get more siblings. That person never lost a spouse. I have all my siblings so I can only imagine. And I imagine it hurts. Perspective I guess. And I'd imagine a different kind of pain.

Last week Nick and I went through the shelf of canned food. We found a few cans of the vegetable soup Rick and I had canned.  We will enjoy it this winter! We thought it was all gone. I was secretly hoping to find salsa. Not that lucky. That soup was every bit as good as I remembered. The memories were so fresh. I almost expected to hear Rick say "fix me something" the way he always did.

These next few weeks will be sad. But I will be fine.

Jeremiah 29:11King James Version (KJV)

11 For I know the thoughts that I think toward you, saith the Lord, thoughts of peace, and not of evil, to give you an expected end.

King James Version (KJV)

I love all y'all.
To be continued........

Saturday, January 16, 2016

Its a new year

So today I realized its been months since I wrote anything. So much has happened.  Its a whirlwind sometimes. My grandbabies are not babies. The two older ones are in school. Hearing October read is amazing. Perry hasn't read for me. He gets embarrassed when I ask. He is still my boy. Miss Livvy is four now. She will be in school before we know it.

I am having a very hard time right now. All I want to do is cry sometimes. Like right now. Im home alone watching football with tears streaming and these words are blurred from the tears. My oldest turned 30 two days ago.  How can that be. Then I realize in 4.5 months I will be 57. Really? 57! That means in 2 months my mom will be 77.  Im blessed to still have both parents. And blessed they're as healthy as they are! We received news this week a close family member has throat cancer. We do not know specifics yet and Im not at liberty to disclose who yet. But prayers for easy treatment and a cure are highly requested.  God does know who and the outcome. I pray its His will for a cure. And though I haven't been to church in quite a while, I do still pray several times a day, I can still hear that small, still voice saying "trust Me!" and I still do!

I love all y'all!
To be continued.....