Saturday, October 9, 2010

♥ This time of year ♥

Well last night was a success at the haunted house and hay ride! I am proud of the way it comes together. They all do a super job! I stopped up there last night and tonight on my way home from work and had chili both nights. We have some pretty good cooks around here! Nick is enjoying working at the haunted house. He made a grown man cry last night scaring him. Everyone returning while I was there both nights says it is a great haunted house.....come on down! Rick enjoyed driving the tractor for the hayride each year. He looked forward to it. A few years ago he made a set of steps for the fire house and a set for the haunted house to help with people getting on and off the wagon. It helped a lot! They still use them.

Today marks Nick's due date.....I guess it's a good thing he arrived early, he was 8 pounds as it was! Today is also John Lennon's birthday. He would have been 70 today had he lived. I spent a little time on you tube playing some Lennon and Harrison videos. Tomorrow is Rick's sister Beverly's birthday. I forgot to send her a card! Oops. Sorry Bev, I will have to send her a facebook message!

My grandchildren are growing so very fast! They are changing every day! This time next weekend we will be having October's and Perry's birthday party at the same time. Such sweet babies!

I have been very busy at work. I had to travel with one of my patients a couple of times today. I am happy to go with them for their tests that can't be done at the bedside. But the older I get, the more I think I want to just stay put. I could never be a travel nurse. I like things the same too much. My goodness! Just converting to computer charting was so difficult for me. These kids who were raised on computers have it so much easier in that respect. They already know so much about the computer. Us old-timers have a difficult time figuring out stuff!

Now, if I could only get sleep down pat. I would be a happy camper! Sleep is something that is so very important to everyone. I don't know if it is truly insomnia, anxiety, depression or what. I just have so much trouble getting to sleep. Usually, I don't have trouble staying asleep after I get there, just getting there is the problem! So much runs through my mind! I think about Rick, I think about Jennifer, I think about work, I think about my kids and what they are going through, I think about my community and things going on around here, I worry about everything whether there is a problem or not....I have always been one to worry about nothing and everything! I have tried TV off, TV on, sleep meds over the counter and Rx; melatonin, Tylenol, can't take benadryl because it gives me a hangover. Maybe it will get better soon. Sometimes I think about what if's and wonder about people I haven't seen or heard from in a long time. Just can't quiet down my mind. It has always been that way. Just never had trouble sleeping until 10 1/2 months ago. It is difficult to believe it will soon be a year since we were kicked in the chest with cleats. I think I have guilt feelings over that tumor. Like somehow it was my fault; that if I didn't make him go to the ER that day he might still be here because what we don't know won't hurt us....same with Jennifer when I told her not to leave her Dr's office without finding out why she was so short winded. Now I really know better, I may not have had Rick as long as I got to keep him if we hadn't found and removed the tumor. His brain had already shifted from the bulk of the tumor. It had returned to the midline after some healing. And Jennifer really needed treatment for her breathing problems. I just have that type of personality that makes things my fault in some way. I didn't give Rick a glioma and I didn't give Jenn Pulmonary Hypertension. And if I could fix it for them I would have in a second. If it could have been me instead of them I would gladly trade. But God has His plans and it is not up to us to second guess or even wonder why, but it is human nature to do that. I know you have seen me post these scriptures many times but they mean a lot to me.

Jeremiah 29:11

"For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future."

From the Book of Daniel KJV

3:15 Now if ye be ready that at what time ye hear the sound of the cornet, flute, harp, sackbut, psaltery, and dulcimer, and all kinds of musick, ye fall down and worship the image which I have made; well: but if ye worship not, ye shall be cast the same hour into the midst of a burning fiery furnace; and who is that God that shall deliver you out of my hands?

3:16 Shadrach, Meshach, and Abednego, answered and said to the king, O Nebuchadnezzar, we are not careful to answer thee in this matter.

3:17 If it be so, our God whom we serve is able to deliver us from the burning fiery furnace, and he will deliver us out of thine hand, O king.

3:18 But if not, be it known unto thee, O king, that we will not serve thy gods, nor worship the golden image which thou hast set up.

3:19 Then was Nebuchadnezzar full of fury, and the form of his visage was changed against Shadrach, Meshach, and Abednego: therefore he spake, and commanded that they should heat the furnace one seven times more than it was wont to be heated.

3:20 And he commanded the most mighty men that were in his army to bind Shadrach, Meshach, and Abednego, and to cast them into the burning fiery furnace.

3:21 Then these men were bound in their coats, their hosen, and their hats, and their other garments, and were cast into the midst of the burning fiery furnace.

3:22 Therefore because the king's commandment was urgent, and the furnace exceeding hot, the flames of the fire slew those men that took up Shadrach, Meshach, and Abednego.

3:23 And these three men, Shadrach, Meshach, and Abednego, fell down bound into the midst of the burning fiery furnace.

3:24 Then Nebuchadnezzar the king was astonished, and rose up in haste, and spake, and said unto his counsellors, Did not we cast three men bound into the midst of the fire? They answered and said unto the king, True, O king.

3:25 He answered and said, Lo, I see four men loose, walking in the midst of the fire, and they have no hurt; and the form of the fourth is like the Son of God.

3:26 Then Nebuchadnezzar came near to the mouth of the burning fiery furnace, and spake, and said, Shadrach, Meshach, and Abednego, ye servants of the most high God, come forth, and come hither. Then Shadrach, Meshach, and Abednego, came forth of the midst of the fire.

3:27 And the princes, governors, and captains, and the king's counsellors, being gathered together, saw these men, upon whose bodies the fire had no power, nor was an hair of their head singed, neither were their coats changed, nor the smell of fire had passed on them.

3:28 Then Nebuchadnezzar spake, and said, Blessed be the God of Shadrach, Meshach, and Abednego, who hath sent his angel, and delivered his servants that trusted in him, and have changed the king's word, and yielded their bodies, that they might not serve nor worship any god, except their own God.

So these 3 men faced the fiery furnace believing that God would deliver them, but even if He didn't, they were assured of a place in Heaven and they would not bow to the king. I need to get to the accepting part of the fact that I didn't get my way in Ricks illness. I love the Lord, my God with all my heart. I don't blame Him for taking Rick. I miss him every waking hour. I dream about him. But I don't blame God.

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