Saturday, October 23, 2010

One month from today.......

One month from today will be November 23. It will be a Tuesday this year. Last year it was on Monday. That was the day Dr. Bennyworth kicked us in the chest with cleats. It is hard to believe it has been eleven months since the tumor was found. I would so love to have his help right now. I miss him more than you can even begin to imagine unless you have been through this too.

Someone asked me today how long it had been. 7 1/2 months since he died. It had been seven years since her husband died. She knows. She misses her husband like it was yesterday too. She says it never gets easier for her. She feels like she wants to ask him something and he is not there. She hurries home from work to spend time with him just to realize he is not there. I know. I go to sleep alone and wake up alone. Even if Rick spent a lot of time watching TV late at night I still knew he was in the next room.

It was a busy day at work. It is so hard to take care of patients with cancer still. And yet, I must do that because it is part of my job. But it is hard. Brings back memories. And sometimes they ask how things are going to go. I don't know. I can only have a best guess. And I can not tell them my "gut feeling" because I might be wrong. But taking care of cancer patients brings all the feelings to the surface yet again. Maybe I just have to 'toughen up' but I don't know how! Maybe I need to go into something else then this won't happen! I guess I will have to work it out and do what is best for me!

Thanks for letting me vent, even if no one reads this, it makes me feel better to write it down.

Good night.

I love you all.

To be continued..............

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