Saturday, November 13, 2010

Just 10 days from the one year mark........

This picture was made last Thanksgiving at my Mom's house. It was November 26, just 3 days after the tumor was found. We knew at this point what the tumor most likely was and that we would have a difficult battle. What we did not know was just how little time we would have and that that Thanksgiving would be our last as a family the way it was. Now we are a family with one missing in body, ever present in our memory however. He looks healthy in this picture. By looking at this you would never know that in 14 weeks and 2 days he would be gone. He had a fighting spirit about him. He wanted to try whatever was recommended to try to survive the cancer. It just turned out that God had other plans.....plans which we do not understand. We are not meant to understand, just know that He knows what He is doing and we must remember that. And we must remember this scripture:

Jeremiah 29:11

"For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future."

I know I believe it, I really do. I just don't understand and part of me wants to now, not later. I think that is the human part of the equation. It is not meant for us to understand. My head knows that, but my heart has turned a deaf ear. As we get closer to the one year anniversary, I find myself wondering why a little more. I ask and still get the answer I got on the drive to Nashville November 23, 2009 "trust Me" ~ maybe He is testing my faith, I don't know. I am trying my best to maintain it. Dear friends and family, you have stood by us through out all of this. I ask that you continue to remember us in prayer when we cross your mind. I know I am not the first woman to lose a husband. But this is a first for me. There is an ever present learning curve to this. It was Rick and Myra for so very long (since October 2004~approximately a little over half my life) and it is so very difficult to be Myra without him. I hope you never have to experience this for yourself. It hurts every second of every day. And they say it gets easier as time goes by. I wonder when it will start.

I am not posting this to make anyone feel sorry for me. The whole point of this blog from day one was for me to have a place to vent how I feel, maybe help someone else and try to maintain some kind of sense of understanding by expressing how I feel.

I love you all.

To be continued..........

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