Nick is doing OK. He has hurt some today, he walked quite a bit, now he is asleep. I think he should feel better each day. Thanks for all the calls, texts and posts about him! He loves all y'all too!
Yesterday I posted my feelings on facebook about how I feel about marriage/love/stuff like that. I have caught a little flack about it. I have been told that I have a "better than" or "holier than thou" attitude about it! I can assure you I don't! And if I come across that way, I apologize! I know that I am NOT better than ANYONE ELSE OUT THERE! I AM NOT!!!! I, like a lot of people, have opinions that I like to voice. Last I knew this was a free country and on MY facebook page and in MY blog I intend to post MY feelings. I may borrow or copy someone else's post if they mirror my own thoughts, and I will give credit where it is due. I miss Rick and this being close to the anniversary of the tumor discovery makes it feel more intense. His birthday would have been in 16 days. Lots of reasons to miss him! And when I get some inspiration, I write. It helps me deal with extreme feelings of loss, of guilt for not thinking something was wrong much sooner (there were no real obvious symptoms--none! I have to keep reminding myself that) of grief. I have to voice them either on facebook or on the blog. I have to or I would break down. I can't afford to break down, so I write. And when I know someone is having trouble, I want to help. If I can say something to make someone realize it is not so bad or maybe it is time to do something......give encouragement, make someone realize that maybe they have taken for granted something, a word or gesture or something......I have been told by a couple of cousins that my posting about my feelings around the loss of Rick has helped them have a new appreciation for their spouse. Not that their marriage was in trouble, but after a time sometimes we as humans tend to just take life for granted. Like we have forever! We did. We were planning to renew our vows on our 25th anniversary. He died just under 4 months before that happened. And a 25th anniversary is something I will likely never get to experience. Face the fact that I am 52.5 years old and have no wish to even find someone else......that just seems like something that is unrealistic. And I am not complaining about that! I am not. I am just stating something obvious. I am not trying to make someone feel sorry for me either. That is not the intent of this blog. I don't want anyone to pity me! I write to get my feelings out so that I can function. Period!
So if I write something that makes you see something in yourself, maybe it was supposed to be that way. Maybe I wrote and you read because you needed something I was able to provide. Don't get mad at me for it. I am writing about me not you! If I can help you, then I am blessed again. Because writing my feelings gave me a blessing, and if I help someone else, then I am blessed again!
I hope this makes sense and if I offend you, then I am sorry. I am not writing/talking about you! I am talking about me and my problems/feelings/emotions/beliefs/traditions.....
(Proverbs 3:5-6 KJV)I love all y'all! Everyone!
(5) Trust in the Lord with all thine heart; and lean not unto thine own understanding. (6) In all thy ways acknowledge him, and he shall direct thy paths.
To be continued..........