Monday, December 3, 2012

December 3

Today I am thankful for the light of another day. I know, November is over, but our being thankful for things we are blessed with should never end. I am having a little trouble focusing on that concept right now. This time of year is my favorite. It also has bitter-sweet memories too. I am trying my best to deal with that right now. Some days, I deal better than others. It is so difficult this time of year for people who have lost someone they love, whether it be a parent (parents), sibling, cousin, child, grandchild, spouse or anyone they were close to. This is supposed to be a joyous time, celebrating the birth of the Savior. Because of this time of year being what it is, people who have lost someone close to them have a little more difficult time focusing on life in general. They may be lonely, sad, depressed. They may smile on the outside, but be so sad on the inside. Please be patient with them. It will get better. They need time, love and understanding and they need your prayers. 

This is the hardest Christmas season for me to date since Rick passed away. I don't know why this year is more difficult than the previous ones, but it is. I will be OK  just need some alone time. Three years ago this week Rick was getting out of the SICU and moving to a regular room at Baptist in Nashville. He was doing well, we were just waiting for the pathology to come back to see what we were up against. Those memories are flooding in right now. I will be OK, just dealing with it. I may not get out much right now. I am OK, I may be a little quieter than usual, I am OK, I may be on the verge of tears and may walk away to keep that from happening. You will need to understand I am OK and it is how I am dealing with my feelings right now. I will be fine. If I need to talk about it, I will, right now that is not possible. Writing helps deal with the sadness. I am OK. This will pass. I know a lot of people miss him. A lot of people loved him. But he was my husband and I miss him more than most of you can know. In one way, I would hope you never have to know how it feels, but that is a difficult concept too because I also know it is something half of us will have to go through. Death is part of life. I see it a lot in my line of work. It is difficult when it happens for anyone. And I will be OK. 

And even as I write my feelings today, I still hear that still small voice in my heart telling me "Trust Me!"

I love all y'all!
To be continued...........

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