Friday, August 31, 2012



They say your dreams are wishes your heart makes when you sleep. My heart has been wishing for Rick these past couple of weeks. I have been dreaming about him almost every night. Sometimes the dreams seem so real. Sometimes I know in the dream that it isn't real and sometimes I don't. We are less than a week from the 2 and 1/2 year mark of his death and only 3 months from the 3 year mark from the tumor being found and less than 2 months from the 28 year mark from our meeting.  I guess that is why I am dreaming about him more. I know many people miss him. I also know no one misses him more than me. He was my husband, my best friend, he was everything to me.  There is another song about what do you do when you get that kind of news......there wasn't time to do the things the person the song was about did. I think we should do those things while we have our health, enjoy our life, treat our loved ones with the respect and dignity they deserve, be nice to everyone we meet, there is very rarely a reason to be ugly to someone - I used to be that way until one time I was saying something, though true as it was, a family member of the person heard me. I regret that to this day and that was 34 years ago. I hope I learned something by that. As I type this I am reminded of something else and I will need to do better at watching what I say.  Sometimes I don't want to go to sleep because I don't want to dream about something that can not be. Sometimes I still think about everything that happened. And I know I am not supposed to question or ask God why but sometimes I can't help it. He had turned his life around, was living right, things were going his way and boom - the tumor and the kind it was there is still no cure. I know God has a plan, I know I shouldn't question it. I can still hear Him whisper to me "trust Me" daily. I don't want to fail His command. I am still trying. It is just so hard sometimes. It is very difficult when I go to church and look over to where he used to sit and he isn't there. And when someone sings on of his favorite songs and he isn't there. It is difficult to be there. And Satan tries to use that to get me not to go. Then I am reminded of the promise I got early Christmas morning 2008. There is no place to stop. Just when I begin to get to where I can deal a little with it, here comes a dream and opens it up again. Maybe one day it won't hurt so bad, but I don't know when that some day will be. It just isn't describable.
“O come, let us worship and bow down: let us kneel before the LORD our maker. For he is our God; and we are the people of his pasture, and the sheep of his hand. To day if ye will hear his voice,” Psalm 95:6-7 KJV
I love all y'all!
To be continued.............

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