Monday, January 24, 2011


Today I was able to share without too many tears part of our journey with someone who is just beginning on a journey of her own. I was able to tell her about parts of our journey and how our journey started and how it affected us. She is not the one facing the actual cancer but it is a close relative of hers. I can tell how much her heart aches. And how similar parts of our journeys are....the effects of the steroids for one. The lack of sleep for another....I hope with all my heart that the radiation and chemo (her family member is a candidate) will give them much, much more precious time. One thing cancer does for you is makes you realize how very precious time with those we love is. When we are faced with the prospects of never ever having another second to spend with them, we wish with all our hearts that things would be different. We try to bargain with God for more time.....we get mad at God for "doing this to us" then we realize that He didn't "do this to us" is just something that happens. We just are not meant to understand it yet. Maybe it is meant to show us how strong we can be. Maybe it is meant to test our faith in Him. Will you still love Him as much if He takes the love of your life? Have you ever thought about that? How would you deal with the loss of your husband or wife or best friend or parent or child? Would you blame God? Would you still love Him? Would you still follow Him? When I lost my first baby, I questioned God, got mad at Him, and had so much guilt because of it. How could He take that child from me? It was so difficult. But a dear sweet co-worker at the time helped me figure out some things....the very things I am trying to portray here. These things happen to everyone. It is not that we have to deal with the grief but how we deal with it that matters.

Ours is not to ask why, really. As hard as that is, it is true. And I have asked and asked. Can't help it, I am human! But I get the same answer. I have told you before. That still, small voice I can hear in my heart (you can hear Him too if you but listen--not with a natural ear but the ear of your heart) that I know to be God says 'trust Me'. And I still do. And I will forever.

Please keep your friends, neighbors, family members in your prayers. Everyone needs the prayers of those they love. Everyone.

I love y'all.
To be continued...........

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