Monday, January 17, 2011


Today has not been an easy day for me. I haven't felt well all day, just so fatigued! I also have a strange heaviness of my chest and arms with a little shortness of breath. I also feel like I can feel my heart beating, not too fast, but I feel like I am aware of it beating which is a bit unusual. It feels regular though. My pulse is only in the mid 80's so that is fine. Also, I doze off sometimes and wake with a startle and think briefly that Rick should be home by now then I remember. I think all these things together make me believe this is all stress/anxiety related. So I treated myself with my Xanax. Hopefully I will feel better in the morning. And before you go getting all worried, I had these same symptoms back in July or so and actually went to Dr. Phillips who checked me over including a chest xray and EKG and everything was fine. He felt it was anxiety and gave me the Xanax. I took it for a while when I wasn't working and it seemed to help. I took one tonight. We will see! It seems the closer we get to January 23, the more frequently these symptoms occur. I called his phone today just to hear his voice. I may never turn off his phone. Is that bad? I don't think so.

When I try to talk to my kids about these things, I cry which makes them, especially Nick, uncomfortable. He tells me not to think about it. I see his point in a way, but I can't help it! He was my husband. How can you spend decades with someone and go through "life" with them and not think about them when they are gone? I just still miss him so much.

Remember this blog is for my feelings, and not to generate sympathy in any way. It is an outlet for me so these "not feeling well" episodes might go away!

Made some pretty good beef stew for supper. Rick would have liked it! Meat and taters! It was much better than Dinty Moore! We also had Sister Schubert rolls with it. I love those things! They are the "cat's meow!"

Please remember your friends and neighbors and all the people who have critically ill loved ones and the people who have lost family. They need your prayers. Prayer works.

"For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." Jeramiah 29:11

I love y'all.
To be continued..............

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