Tears

I am writing with tears in my eyes tonight. My heart aches emotionally and physically. My arm aches. I am glad I know my heart arteries are clean. I might be worried about more than I am. I went to church tonight, good service, just not quite enough faith. I believe they will make it though. Keith did such a good job preaching tonight. I believe he got quite a blessing from it too.

I got home from church to every light in the house on and all the outside lights on and Austins truck in the driveway. Nick told me he went out to go to his deer stand and someone was on our property, he had to hit him in the face to get away from him. I am so confused by this, it would have to be that they meant to be there. I just don't have a clue who it could be. He called the law, who came but didn't even go look at anything or see if anyone was here. Then I texted my brother about it and got a cussing from his wife. I told her I don't read past her curse words and I wasn't talking to her, I was talking to my brother. Evidently I am not allowed to talk to my own brother. She is his wife, I am just his sister.  If you see someone about Nick's height who has been punched in the face, let us know who please.

I am about tired of all this. If I was offered the right amount, I might just sell out and go somewhere else. I honestly don't know how much more my nerves can stand. No, no I am not alright tonight. But I will be.

I love all y'all, even my brother's wife who cussed me.
To be continued.............

November is almost here!

Can you believe there are only 2 more months of 2012? Where has the time gone! I am really not believing that this year is almost over. WOW, what a year! There have been very good parts, not so good parts and just every day parts of this year. Looking ahead to 2013 for an even better year.

It is just 26 days until the third anniversary of Rick's tumor being found and the beginning of a 3 month one week journey that if I had my rathers, I'd rather not have taken. But that journey is all part of a plan, one that we don't understand. And how the plan is progressing for me is still uncertain. I still hear that still small voice in my heart saying "trust Me" and how can I not? I do trust Him, though sometimes I don't show it. It hasn't been an easy few weeks for me. My mind is bombarded with thoughts that I am having trouble with. Just some things I have to work through. I go to church and it is so difficult to sit there. I still look over to where he used to sit. I know there are many other empty seats there. But for me, it is still so difficult. Our church has been in revival this week. I was off the first three nights and went. I worked the next two nights and couldn't go. Saturday I had the babies and didn't try to take them. Today, I just couldn't go. I feel bad about not going, but I just couldn't bring myself to get ready to go. I don't know if it broke or not, haven't heard a word about it over the weekend. I will find out Monday. I just don't know what to do. I don't have the energy or breath to sing, not that I can sing, but I did used to try. It just feels different now. Say a prayer for me if you can. 

Two of my grandbabies spent the night with me last night. We took a walk to the first barn. Little Tommy was there with a horse, he let the kids pet the horse. They loved it. About ten steps into going back, Tobers told me she wanted me to carry her home. Shew, I can barely make it myself let alone carry a four year old! We rested and she was able to walk on home. Perry made every step and held my hand tight. There was horse poop on the road. He said "YUK GAMMA!!" Nick and Janna cut Jack-O-Lanterns with them. They loved it!  We made 'ginger bread men" out of sugar cookie dough. They slipped into my room when I was taking their cookies we made out of the oven. Bubba came running into the living room - "Gamma, I need a paper towel!" I started into the bedroom, he said, "NO, I get it!" My heart sank. I found a 20 ounce Coke Zero sinking into my mattress. I slept (right) in the chair and a half, Bubba slept on the couch, Tobers slept on the love seat. They were both out by 10 pm and didn't get up until almost 8:30. She stirred about four am, whimpered a little, and went right back to sleep.Bubba never made a sound all night. He woke smiling. We had chocky milk and went back to Nana's house. He was ready to come back with me when I left. It was a good but tiring night. I only slept a couple of hours off and on from 4 to 7 or so. Just dozed the rest of the time.

On Thursday November 1 we begin our first facebook post of each day with something we are thankful for. This will continue every day until Thanksgiving Day. It is certainly acceptable to continue throughout November. Your choice. I hope we have the participation we had last year. It was wonderful, heartwarming and a blessing to read people's posts last year. I was amazed. My heart was blessed so many times.

Please, please continue to remember the Priddy and Wolf families in your prayers! Please also remember all your friends and neighbors, especially those who have recently lost loved ones, and those who have critically ill loved ones. Prayer works!

I love all y'all!
To be continued...............

“For all flesh is as grass, and all the glory of man as the flower of grass. The grass withereth, and the flower thereof falleth away: But the word of the Lord endureth for ever. And this is the word which by the gospel is preached unto you.” 1 Peter 1:24-25 KJV

It's just my opinion......

So, in between my naps today, I was reading posts on Facebook. I found one post that had my sis in law buying gasoline at Walmart in Glasgow for $3.05/gallon. Then, I find Rick's cousin, Jade, who lives in Oklahoma is buying gas for $2.98/gallon. And here in Bowling Green and the surrounding area what are we paying? $3.40's per gallon. Now, when you look at the profit made by the oil companies I have to wonder many things. One is how can they (big oil) keep charging these prices and publicly  posting profit in the billions while we (average Americans) are going deeper and deeper in the hole.

The free online dictionary has profit as:

prof·it  (prft)n.1. An advantageous gain or return; benefit.
2. The return received on a business undertaking after all operating expenses have been met.
3.a. The return received on an investment after all charges have been paid. Often used in the plural.
b. The rate of increase in the net worth of a business enterprise in a given accounting period.
c. Income received from investments or property.
d. The amount received for a commodity or service in excess of the original cost.
v. prof·it·ed, prof·it·ing, prof·itsv.intr.1. To make a gain or profit.
2. To derive advantage; benefit: profiting from the other team's mistakes. See Synonyms at benefit.
v.tr.

While Merriam-Webster has profit as:

¹prof·it
Definition of PROFIT
1:  a valuable return : gain
2: the excess of returns over expenditure in a transaction or series of transactions; especially : the excess of the selling price of goods over their cost
3: net income usually for a given period of time
4: the ratio of profit for a given year to the amount of capital invested or to the value of sales
5: the compensation accruing to entrepreneurs for the assumption of risk in business enterprise as distinguished from wages or rent

 noun, often attributive \ˈprä-fət\

It is my opinion that big oil could half the price of gasoline and still make plenty of profit!  Lets say big oil made 15 billion dollars in profit for one year. Cut that in half - it's still 7.5 billion and we could pay under $2 per gallon of gasoline. There is no reason except greed for the price to be what it is. You can disagree if you want. That is why we are America! I happen to believe this to be true!! I see no reason except greed that dictates why they have to have such high profit margins. AND I was being conservative when I said per year. I believe their profit is reported in quarters.

My family and I have a few oil wells on property we inherited when my uncle passed away. The shares of the well are divided by 5 (my dad, my 3 brothers and I). Some little oil company in mid KY has the contract to it. I haven't a clue how it works and I have tried to get answers to no avail. I know they come in and out of there a few times a year. My last oil check (only one for 2011) was like $65.00.  Now we all got the same amount. Doesn't even pay the electricity for the year to run the pump.  Somewhere out there is someone who can get the prices back to an affordable rate. Minimum wage is $7.25/hr. One hours work will barely buy two gallons of gasoline at current prices. What does the government think is going to happen? I am certain they don't care! If they did, there would be a change.

I guess this is enough on this soap box.

I am thankful I have a job to go to, I am thankful I have only 15 miles one way to drive. A few years ago I had 84.

By the way, the snot, cough, nausea, fever, chills, hot flashes continue. I have had saltines for breakfast and lunch. Hopefully, I will feel better by tomorrow. I have to work Thursday and Friday. then Off the weekend.

Please continue to remember the Priddy and Wolf families in your prayers. Remember our church too. Revival has started.

I love all y'all!

To be continued...........

Fever, stuffy nose... I hate this

I hate this feeling. After I got home from church tonight, I decided I guess I would get a cold. Blah. My throat is sore, I can't breathe through my nose... which is really bad with my CPAP - and my head hurts. I have taken cold medicine. It has just made it worse. The backs of my eye lids feel like fever. I feel nauseous. I hate this. But, better me than others. I just hope I didn't give it to anyone tonight. I didn't feel good but wasn't anything specific until about an hour ago. Boo. I love fall, but this warm one day cold the next and vice versa kills my allergies.

Enough of that. I went in for two meetings today. Both were really good meetings. I also took our South Central KY AACN donation to the hospitality house. Those folks were so very appreciative of our donation.

It is just 8 days until we begin our thankful for posts. Don't forget!

Short post tonight. Y'all please remember the Priddys and Wolfs in your prayers.

I love all y'all.
To be continued............

My Bubba is 3 today!

My Bubba

Three years ago last night, Val told me something was wrong after supper and she needed to go to the hospital. I told Rick I was taking her to Labor and Delivery to be checked. They monitored her for a couple of hours and around 10 pm told her she was not in labor and she could go home. They went out to get her paperwork. She was upset. She said: "Mom, something is wrong. I don't want to go home!" She still had the fetal monitor on (really good thing), and I noticed the heart rate seemed to really drop with a light contraction. Several nurses came running in and said "you are staying!" They then explained what had just happened. They threw in an IV really fast and got her ready. Someone brought in Bubba's dad and they did another ultrasound. We didn't know for sure yet if we had a boy or another girl. That night we found out he was a he. They gave her a sleeping pil and said it would be a while. I went home.

3 years ago today Perry Dale Suttle, Jr. was born. 

Fairly early, the next morning Dale called. We went straight to the hospital. I noticed Rick was very quiet, but he said he was just tired. I got to be in with her when Bubba was born. (I was there for all 3!) After he was born, Rick came in the room for a few minutes, he wasn't acting like himself. We went to breakfast at Barnyard Cafe shortly after that.

Just a few days old

Not long after this photo was taken, we got the news about Rick. He never got to know our "little man" They would have been best buddy's now.  He would be helping Papaw out in the garden. I'd bet they would match each other step for step. 

Baby's First Christmas

Santa came to our house the weekend after Rick got out of the hospital after the brain surgery. Mrs Claus was with him. It was a good visit. Tobi was afraid of them! She was only one.

Bubba had to go to the ER when he was about a year old. He touched the stove at Nana's. 

I was surprised with his burned hand, there weren't many tears. He was always a pretty good boy. For a boy anyway! 

Believe it or not, there is no scar from this burn. Bubba still knows he shouldn't touch the stove. 

about 2, licking the spatula. Sweet boy!

2 years old

Funny face. Enjoying watermelon summer 2012

Perry is 3 today!

Gamma's boy is three now. He runs to me and won't turn me loose every time I go up to see them. He is my boy. Happy Birthday Bubba!!! Gamma loves you!!

Texting

I woke yesterday to a text asking me if I want call. I took it. It was great. This morning I woke to a text, hoping it's asking if I want call, not really wanting it because it would chip away at my vacation days... nope it was work though. Telling me someone had to go work another section of the hospital today and it looked like it was my turn. :( I texted back "I don't think so" and got back a never mind text. They decided to send someone from another area. Made me happy. I got report and went on my way. Late this afternoon, got a call from cath lab - putting in a balloon pump. I love those. It's more than just taking blood pressures and giving meds and lots of other stuff - balloon pumps have to be watched more carefully because of potential complications. So, not only did we get one, we got two. Google Intra Aortic Balloon Pump if you want to know more about them. Kim and I each got one. So, mine came pretty late and I didn't leave work until almost 9. The kicker on it was someone from another area came in and jinxed us. She said the "q" word. We don't say that word even if it's true. NEVER! Oh, well. It is what we do. And all is well!

So, I am gonna complain a bit. Imagine that, me complain. I have many, many people I love dearly who smoke. I don't want to make anyone mad because I believe people have a right to do that to themselves if they wish. It is not for me. I have never smoked. Thought I would when I turned 20 but that lasted for part of one cigarette. I couldn't breathe. Gave the pack to my cousin Donna. I still can't breathe when I am around smoke. I walked out of Kroger and by the doors the cloud of smoke almost took my breath. All I want is clean air to breathe. The smoke takes my breath and I have palpitations. It is enough to make me wheeze. Please, if you must smoke, stay away from the doorways and public walkways where your neighbors and friends have to walk. Some people are allergic to the smoke. It makes them wheeze. Sometimes it affects their breathing and they don't even smoke. Sorry, I couldn't help it. Seriously, for your health please stop smoking. Lung cancer, blebs, emphysema, chronic bronchitis, heart disease, low birth weight babies.... plus many other things are complications from smoking. Did you know nicotine is a main ingredient in many insecticides for rose bushes and other plants? If it will kill bugs... hum... Google blebs. Google pneumothorax. Google lung cancer and click on images. Google radical neck surgery. Google tracheostomy. Enough of my soap box.

I hope everyone had a great day today. I hope you have an even better day tomorrow. Please stop and take a minute to remember the Wolf's and Priddy's in your prayers.

Remember our 30 days of things we are thankful for starts November first.

Remember there are four chances left to go through WVFD hay ride and haunted house.....

Love all y'all!
To be continued.........

Two good days

I was lucky enough to get call today. Got to stay home all day. Love unplanned vacation days. I do have to go back tomorrow though. It has been an uneventful day today. Not really anything going on here. I guess this is a short post tonight.

No news from the Wolfs today. Please continue to remember them in your prayers. And Jeremy's family-- please, please continue to remember them in your prayers. Prayers for peace and comfort for all of them. Please include Makalla and her kids in your prayers.

WVFD Hay Ride and Haunted House continue this Friday and Saturday nights. Come on out if you dare. If you love haunted houses, this is for you!  Good grub at the firehouse while you wait as well.

                                                  

A couple of the folks waiting to scare you just for fun! They haven't lost but a couple. Try your odds!!

I think this is all for tonight.

Love all y'all!

To be continued.............

Today has been good

Today has been a good day. The older I get, the more I hope for good days. When I say good days, I am talking about days with little arthritis pain, days of being able to move without crying. Some days are like that. Dr. Avula gave me an NSAID called Mobic. I had run out of it a couple weeks ago. Didn't realize how much it helps until I was without it. Got it filled Saturday and by today, I could walk without pain in my back and knees. Love that med!

We are coming up on our 30 Days of Thankful For's in just 16 days. Remember, the posts don't have to be long. Just post something that you are thankful for that is in your life. Several years ago, I read a book about gratitude.  The book requested the reader to keep a journal that would ask you to list a certain amount of things you were grateful for. There is a post from last year or the year before that tells about this. I can't remember the name of the book. Some days, I found it difficult to write five things. Not that I wasn't grateful for the things God had given me, but it was during a really difficult time in our life before Rick was saved in his garden. Many of you knew Rick and loved him and I wont disrespect him at all. Let's just say our life for a period of a few years was challenging @ best (that was way before lots of you really knew him-he changed, I mean really changed after he was saved. He was not the same man I married or the man he became for a short time!). I like that word. Challenging. Some days our faith was surely tested. We came out on the other side stronger and more committed than ever. An example of your first post might read something like: Day 1 or November 1:  Today I am thankful for waking up. It can be that simple. Please try to write something each day. We did good last year! Reading the posts was such a blessing and to read and see how we grew and the "attitude" of our posts became more sincere over time. 

I love all y'all!

To be continued.........

69 days until Christmas

15 days until Halloween

37 days until Thanksgiving

Please continue to remember the Priddy's and Wolfs in your prayers!

In Remembrance

Today is October 15 - Remembrance Day for all those babies who were lost during pregnancy or as an infant. Between Valarie and Nicholas, Rick and I lost 4 babies. I had actually given up having a second child. I have written about this before. The anniversary of the first loss is next month. Sometimes it is more difficult than others. The first and perhaps most difficult loss was in 1986. It is always with me. Most of the time you wouldn't know. I have friends who also lost babies during that time frame. We never talk about it, though we always know we can if we need to.

There was a co-worker who gave me a book that helped tremendously during that first loss. It helped me understand all the feelings I was experiencing. 

I am OK, no worries. It is just part of life, part of what has made me -- me.

Please continue to remember the Priddy and Wolf families in your prayers.

The above poem also helped me through those times.... and after.  :)

I love all y'all! 

To be continued.............

Sweet Memories!

Gamma's first granddaughter is four years old today. This child was the light in her Papaw's eye. He loved her dearly. Like her Purple Princess costume?

Miss October Rose Suttle
October 14, 2008

2 weeks old

Just a few weeks old

Have you ever seen a more proud Papaw?

Papaw and his T- T-  T- Tobers

One year old
Tobers, Rick and Valarie

Last Christmas with Papaw

2 years old
giving Gamma a hard look

Sick baby in the hospital

Playing Nurse

3 years old

Papaw would be so proud. He loved her so much. Four years old. 

I went to spend time with Tobi for her birthday this morning. She is so sweet. And she can be the devil incarnate as well. I guess it goes along with the age she is. Her momma was like that some too. Tobi is about the age Val was when she decided she wanted a baby brother. Well, Val was almost four when that happened - about 6 weeks from her birthday. 

Tobi had just had her first birthday when one week and one day later she got her baby brother. When Bubba was one month old, Rick's tumor was diagnosed. He never really got to know Perry. If he was here now, these babies and their Papaw would be inseparable. 

Remember November first is 18 days away. That is the day we begin our day with our first facebook post of the day as a post telling something we are thankful for. We will do that everyday through Thanksgiving. Some go on through the month of November. Last year I stopped with Thanksgiving Day. This year, I will carry it out through the month. I hope to see you there! Last year we had good participation. It was such a blessing to read everyone's posts. There were a few negative comments about it. It is OK. It is a voluntary thing anyway.

I love all y'all!

To be continued...........

“And be not conformed to this world: but be ye transformed by the renewing of your mind, that ye may prove what is that good, and acceptable, and perfect, will of God.” Romans 12:2 KJV

Two and one half weeks or so....

Just a reminder that in just over 2 1/2 weeks, we will be beginning our "Thankful For" posts as our first Facebook status of each day. These past few days have really put my faith to the test. How about yours? The Bible speaks of faith. It talks about having faith the size of a grain of mustard seed. Having just that much faith, I mean really having it, can move a mountain.  One of my problems is doubt. It sneaks right in and shields that faith so that I can't see it. Then ugly, depressing thoughts come into my head. Did Ricky die because I lost my faith? That thought has haunted me time and time again. If I had enough faith and truly believed he would be healed, would he have been? Those questions run across my mind many times a month. Especially if I am not feeling well... depressed a bit maybe. I tell you I had faith he would be healed. I had faith that when they did that MRI December 1, 2009 just prior to surgery that the tumor would be gone and Dr. Hampf would come out and tell me no need for the surgery. Didn't happen. After they took him from holding to the OR, I went back out to the waiting room. I sat down with the many friends and relatives who had come to wait with us. It came to me to pray. I went straight into that bathroom and did just that and got through to my Lord and when I came out, He was telling me "trust Me" and I did and I still do as difficult as it is sometimes. I still hear those words. I still believe God has a plan for each of us and it is His will, not ours that will be done. Ours is to be willing to trust in Him and have the faith the size of a grain of mustard seed. And go on. And you know that a grain of mustard seed is very tiny. It is only about the size of the opening in the "o" I just typed. Doesn't take much, does it?

How does this tie into our November Thankful posts? You tell me. OK, I will tell you what I think about it. You knew that, didn't you. I believe when our faith is tested, and it has been and it will be, that is when we show God we are who we say we are when something doesn't turn out the way we want,  we must be like Shadrach, Meshach, and Abednego and have faith that however it turns out, however God's plan for us works out, that His plan, not ours is and must be. And we must find joy in that - however difficult that is. So be thankful for what we have in our lives, not upset for what we do not have. Oh, and that is so difficult sometimes. (if you don't know who Shadrach  Meshach  and Abednego are, I refer you to The Holy Bible Daniel 3:23).  

Can you imagine? The message from Daniel 3:23 was sent to me through 3 different people (2 preachers and a friend) before I got it. Sometimes you just have to be blunt to me for me to catch on. It was at that point my grief began to heal. 

Please continue to remember the Wolf and Priddy families in your prayers - prayers for comfort and peace. Prayer works. I know it does. Many went up for us. I know for sure because I could not have made it through without them. 

I love all y'all

To be continued..............

Psalm 70:4
King James Version (KJV)
⁴ Let all those that seek thee rejoice and be glad in thee: and let such as love thy salvation say continually, Let God be magnified.

My heart still aches tonight

Tonight I watched the memorial video Jeremy's family had made. It is beautiful, the pictures they chose and the music seem to flow together to tell the story of Jeremy Priddy. He was a good kid who didn't deserve what was handed to him. We can pray for peace and comfort for his parents, siblings, family and friends. We can ask the Almighty God in Heaven to please, please help the law find, prosecute and punish appropriately the perpetrator of this horrific crime. I know we all have to face loss and the death of loved ones at some time or another. I know this. It is part of life. I just have a difficult time understanding sometimes. I know, we aren't meant to understand some things. This is one. I posted the link to Jeremy's video tribute on facebook or go to www.pattonfuneralhome.com

Also please remember our neighborhood in your prayers. One of our neighbors (and her family) has been battling her cancer and another neighbor told me tonight that difficult decisions have had to be made. I know the difficulty in making those decisions and my heart aches for them.  Please remember them in your prayers as well. There is no place to stop. Really.

As I write this, in my heart I am hearing the One Who can help whisper those words of comfort He whispered to me so many times.... "trust Me"

Oh, how I am trying to.

This time three years ago, I was a little worried about Rick. He was working at the fire department every Friday and Saturday night, hauling folks on the hayride to and from the haunted house. He was extra quiet each night. I would ask him if he was OK, he would try to reassure me. Little did I know that in about six weeks a long, difficult journey would begin....

This is all for tonight.
I love all y'all
To be continued...........

Instead of a quote from the scriptures, I post this tonight. It is from a Facebook page of Mark Brown. Now, I don't agree with everything this man says by a long shot, but I do know things his pages have posted have helped me many, many times over the past 3 years.

Good night. Remember, pray!