Friday, November 5, 2010

More random thoughts

Sometimes it amazes me as I review things I have written. Last night I must have been feeling sorry for myself. I do that sometimes. Don't mean to at all. I just get lonely. I do that a lot too. WOW! I have a cold, took cold medicine and had trouble sleeping last night and the fatigue and depression took over. No excuses. I am responsible for what I write for sure. I do know that tomorrow marks the 8 month anniversary of Rick's death, it is on a Saturday, and it was on a Saturday when he left. I miss him. He told me when we found out about the tumor and what it was that he did not want me to be like this. I told him I would try. I guess to honor him I must try harder because I am failing. He told me not to cry. I can't help it. We used to joke with each other about what we would do if one of us died. Looking back, it was surreal. We used to laugh and say "if I ever get rid of you....." If I could only take it back. I think we all do that to an extent. We mean no harm by it. Maybe I need to see someone to talk about this. I don't know. Dr. Phillips says it will take a while to not feel like this. He said he admired me for how strong I am. I am not strong! I am weak. I hope I didn't say anything to hurt anyone's feelings last post. If I did, please forgive me.

Val worked a few hours today. I wish her vehicle was fixed. It would save me a lot of travel! The babies are growing more and changing more every day! Little man has several words in his vocabulary. He says bubba, mammaw, momma, nanna, ba-ba, he can scream when he doesn't get his way, Tobi makes short sentences with three or four words. And she peed on the potty all day! YAY! What a good girl! I can't wait until Christmas and Santa, should be fun this year. My babies are growing up! I have to work Christmas day, but we can have Santa on Christmas eve. They are too little to know the difference right now. They won't play with their toys very long, they will want the boxes and wrappers more.

I wish someone would turn off my nose-faucet! And Kleenex are rough after 100's of uses in one day! I have been through one box already!

I think this is all for tonight.

I love you all.

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