July 4, 2010

We had church tonight. It is official Brother Steven is leaving us. Pastor election will be the third Saturday night in August I believe. I have no idea who we will call. I have been praying about it, but I do not have a strong lead towards anyone as yet. There was not a dry eye in the house tonight. He has helped me so many times in the relatively short time I have been a member there. I only moved my letter there a year and a half ago. I talked to him half way to Nashville back on November 23, 2009. He told me what I already knew. There is One above who controls all. He has a plan and we are not in control of it. We can pray, we can ask for our hearts desires but ultimately He has the say in what happens in our lives. Brother Steven (along with his wife, father- and mother-in-law) made the long drive to Baptist Hospital on December 1, 2009 and stayed with us during the surgery and after and waited with us (along with Sandy and Kathy) until the last visiting time of the night so I wouldn't have to drive home alone. There were many others who came and stayed during the surgery. Norma and Jimmy Spencer, Kathy Massey and Sandy Miller, Keith Saling and Bobby Joe Meredith, 3 of Rick's sisters Sue, Beverly and Teresa with their husbands, were all there with me and Nick (Becca was there too, with Nick). They were there along with many others during the hospital stay that started January 23 as well. There were a few nights when Rick was so bad, they would be there with us. That forms bonds with people that if you haven't been through anything like it you just can't imagine. You think you are close with some people, but until they have been through this sort of thing with you, you can't imagine what that means to a person.

This has been somewhat of a difficult time for me. As I have already posted, Saturday July 3 would have been our anniversary. It helped being with friends yesterday. The only thing is when you come home there is the realization of how things really are. I really hope no one I care about has to experience this, but I know that is an unreal wish. Life happens, death is part of life. We will all come to that hour at some point. What matters then is whether or not the person is ready for that hour. I am. I will have things to answer for when I meet Him. I am not alone in that, I am sure of that! It is like Keith said, the good part is that we know Rick had a hope of a Heavenly home after this life was over. Before 8 years ago, he would not have had that. How would one deal with that loss? To know your loved one was not going to be waiting in Heaven? What would you do? If you could know that you loved someone who did not have that hope and their time would be over is a certain time frame would you go to them and try to help them find their Heavenly Father? I have several friends and family members who have said they do not know the Lord. I pray for them. I have been to some of them and begged them to come to church. I know they saw the change in Rick's life over the past 8 years. I know some of them were at the funeral. They heard a message. A warning went out to them. Whether they choose to do something about it is up to them.

Facebook has been somewhat of a help to me since Rick's illness. You might not believe it, but there is one 'thing' that I have automatically posted however often they post it. That is the Bible Fan Page. I am a fan of the Bible. It is a book of instruction of how to live. We just have to read it and apply it to our life. Anyway, this "fan page" would post passages that seemed so very appropriate for what was going on with Rick and I would re-post the passages as my status! Tonight's post was:

Matthew 11:28-30 (King James Version)

²⁸Come unto me, all ye that labour and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest

²⁹Take my yoke upon you, and learn of me; for I am meek and lowly in heart: and ye shall find rest unto your souls.

³⁰For my yoke is easy, and my burden is light.

Now, you may not understand how that particular passage helps me, but I do. My heart is heavy with sadness and longing for my husband. It tells me that there is One above who will help me if I just have the faith to turn my troubles over to Him. I am looking for that faith right now. I never want to forget Rick. I love him still, and always will even though he is not here. But, I need to be able to move on and function on a daily basis. This time off has helped me. Dr. Phillips' suggestions have helped me, but there is still a heaviness right in my heart. I know with time, it will get better but it will never be completely gone. You just don't spend that much time with someone and not have these feelings, if you loved that person anyway. I ask that when you pray, you ask the Lord to help me in this matter. I love you all.