Paul and Gina took their pontoon and took it out every day. They would swim and ride Dennis and Tonya's jet ski. I think everyone had fun and I think everyone was glad to come home. We had 'joint' meals -- we fixed breakfast and supper together every day. On Tuesday morning, we had biscuits and gravy, biscuits homemade and cooked on the grill. Wednesday morning we had french toast. Today, we had donuts, though the ones I got were horrible. Note to self, Wally World does not necessarily have good donuts! Pepperidge Farms does make a good cookie though, and those cookies are great with coffee! Rick loved our camping trips though they were always in the middle of garden season and he would have to leave at six am on Tuesday mornings and go sell vegetables, but he always made time for us to go up there to camp. He would cook fish one night, this was the first year that didn't happen. He loved to cook his catfish for anyone who wanted to have a fry. That was his specialty. Though, I had taught him to make biscuits and gravy. Now Gina Sandy and Tonya said they couldn't make biscuits, but if Rick could I believe I could teach them, just gotta get past the mental block "I can't do it." That may be the same for me and swimming.....hum.....I flunked swimming lessons twice in May 1985. I can float and swim -- like a rock! I took swimming lessons never got past the side of the pool. Now mind you, in 1985 I was a size nine pre-baby! They keep saying they can teach me, they just don't understand, I will drown! It's not that I don't trust them, hum, I do trust them, just not to keep me from drowning! Rick couldn't teach me either, I wouldn't let go! I smother when water gets close to my throat. Can't even get close to my face.
A big thanks to the weather man, too! After we got past the storms Monday afternoon and the humidity of Monday night, it cooled off nicely, the weather was great! It was cool enough at night for a campfire, though, I am afraid it might have caused Tonya to have a migraine! Sorry, Tonya.
On another note, I will have a few more days off, Rick's and my anniversary would have been on Saturday. The closer it gets, the more I cry. I have never done this widow thing before and never want to again either. That, and the fact that Rick was my soul mate may keep me from ever even thinking about going out again someday. He told me he wanted me to re-marry, that I was too young to stay alone. I told him if I couldn't have him, I didn't want anyone else.
I know I am not the only widow around, and certainly not the only one my age, but it is new to me. And I believe if some folks knew "how it feels" as my kids used to say, they might not be so quick to be judgmental. But then again I would never wish losing ones spouse on my worst enemy much less anyone else. I would wish no one ever has to know this pain again! The pain of divorce is bad enough, I believe, I have never experienced that either, but at least in divorce, the spouse is still alive. The pain of knowing you will never have a chance to talk to your husband in this life again is surreal! And every night when I go to bed, I am alone, and it is a constant reminder of his absence though he sometimes slept on the couch, at least he was in the next room. He snored so loud he didn't want to keep me awake. And when I go to church, I see him lying up there in that casket. You can not imagine how that feels. Had I realized that, I would have had his funeral at the funeral home. People tell me time helps, it will be 4 months on the sixth of this month. I am still waiting for the pain to ease. I have yet to turn off his cell phone, because I can call it and get his voice mail telling me God loves me and have a nice day......
But, I am finding when I tell God all my problems and leave them with Him, He fixes them for me. If I try to fix them, they get worse. All I have to do is tell Him. He is right where I last talked with Him, waiting for me to turn it over to Him again.
"For I know the plans I have for you declares the Lord, plans to prosper, not to harm you, plans to give you a hope and a future. " Jeremiah 29:11
I still know that God has plans for us all, and while I remain broken-hearted, I am not harmed! I still have a hope and a future and God is a big part of that!
The Gospel of Matthew teaches us to forgive those who try to harm us. "18:21 Then came Peter to him, and said, Lord, how oft shall my brother sin against me, and I forgive him? till seven times? 18:22 Jesus saith unto him, I say not unto thee, Until seven times: but, Until seventy times seven."
I forgive you! You know who you are and what you have done!
To be continued...........❤