Thursday, October 27, 2011

Just what does "til death do us part" mean?

In this life we were given an amazing gift. The ability to love. There are many, many definitions of the word. It can be used as a noun or a verb. Two of the definitions are:

1. a profoundly tender, passionate affection for another person.
2. a feeling of warm personal attachment or deep affection, as for a parent, child, or friend.

Then there is happiness which is described in the online dictionary as:
Good luck; Good fortune; prosperity. It is also described/defined as: an agreeable feeling or condition of the soul arising from the prosperity of any kind. There are many, many more definitions as with love. One difference is that happiness is found within. Another person can not make one happy. It is not possible. If I depend on someone else for my own happiness, then I am at their mercy. Seriously. If I depended on Rick for my happiness (and I did for years and was miserable) I would be at the mercy of his mood, his self-worth, his everything. And in our early years, I thought that I had to make him happy. He is the one who taught me that I had to find happiness within myself. And he had to do the same, then we could be happy together. We needed to have a common goal together to reach for. And a plan to reach that goal together. But we each had to take care of our own happiness. I don't know if this is understood or not.

Our first picture together married July 3, 1985

One of the last pictures we made together (late January 2010) -- ever! I miss him more than you can know unless you have been through this! The baby is my great nephew, Thomas.

I, Myra, take you Richard, to be my husband, to have and to hold from this day forward, for better or for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish; from this day forward until death do us part. And he said the same words to me.
I said those words, I meant them. We had some rough years together, but through it all we stood together. His last 8 years were the best years we had. I would not trade any of it for anything! I could tell you stories, some of which might cause your hair to curl. Sometimes you would wonder why I stayed with him. I loved him then, the first time I met him, and I loved him the last breath he took. I love him today I miss him more than anyone could ever know. I still hear him shuffle thorough the house. I still hear him say "Myra" from the kitchen because he couldn't find something he was looking for. I still dream about him. I still have his phone on so I can hear his voice. I may never turn it off. You might think that is silly. I am not ready to turn it off. That's all. If you are reading this and are confused by my writing, it makes perfect sense to me. And this is my blog about my feelings regarding the illness and death of my husband and my life before, during and after. You don't have to agree, or even understand. I do. My point to all this is: if you are in a relationship and you are unhappy, then YOU must do something about it. Divorce is easy. Staying and working on it is hard. AND the most worthwhile thing you will ever do! IF YOU WANT IT!!!! The grass looks greener on the other side, until you get over there, then you find it was really artificial turf all along. Then the fence is too high to get back over. Be careful what you wish for, you might get it and have regrets!

No comments:

Post a Comment