9 days

In nine days it will be 2 years since he left us. I would like to say it is easier but it isn't. It is a little different though. I don't know if I am coming to terms with it, or just exactly what it is yet. One thing I do know though is that no matter how much I miss him, the tumor and kind of cancer he had was more than he could stand. And with the blood clots that he had that kept breaking off and going to his lungs, I would not have him back to struggle one more second. He struggled for breath almost every hour of that 6 weeks in the hospital and for a few days before he would agree to go to the hospital. I was looking over some of the old records the other day. I re-read one of the last CT scans of his brain. It showed some old infarcts (aka strokes) that were small but several of them. In the scheme of things, those were insignificant but an indication that those blood clots were there for some amount of time. One day we will understand why. I am surprised that as I write this there are no tears. Not right now anyway. The following is a poem without a title that I found online the other day and posted it on Jennifer's birthday. We did get to say good bye to him, the room and hallway were full of people that night. There was a feeling of love that he went home with with Noots singing his song. There are the tears now.

If tears could build a stairway
and thoughts a memory lane
I'd walk right up to heaven
and bring you home again
No Farewell words were spoken
No time to say good-bye
You were gone before I knew it
And only God knows why.

My heart's still active in sadness
And secret tears still flow
What it meant to lose you
No one can ever know.
But now I know you want us
To mourn for you no more
To remember all the happy times
Life still has much in store.

Since you'll never be forgotten
I pledge to you today
A hallowed place within my heart
Is where you'll always stay.

God knows why, with chilling touch,
Death gathers those we love so much,
And what now seems so strange and dim,
Will all be clear, when we meet Him.
I Knew you for a Moment

It is just 3.5 weeks until spring. I am looking forward to it. I am a little upset that Easter is on my weekend to work again this year. Upset isn't the correct word, but I am having trouble finding the right word for it. I like to have Easter dinner with a large pork tenderloin, dressing, sweet potatoes, deviled eggs, chocolate pie.......can't do that and work unfortunately. Maybe one year it will be on the other weekend. I am not sure how that works either because when I worked in Nashville, we worked every third weekend and it always fell on my weekend to work except for once or twice. And Easter is not a holiday that is recognized in our holiday rotation. I think it should be really, because of what it represents. Christmas is recognized. Anyway, one Ester I had the tenderloin out of the oven -- it was resting. All our families were there for dinner. My brother from Ohio and his family were home too. I was about to slice the meat and Rick came in, saw the roast and looked at me with a frightened look-- he said: "look at that meat, there is hair on it!!" I was looking for hair (mine). Couldn't find anything. I looked at him and asked him what on earth he was talking about. He said: "the pig- you forgot to clean the pig hair from the long-lean!" I started laughing at him. In case you don't know, the long-lean was the old timer's term for tenderloin. I said I bought the "pig" at the grocery. It was already cleaned. Those are spices. Not hair. It was so funny. Everyone laughed. We had a good meal and good laugh and went outside for an egg hunt. It was a beautiful day.

I will leave you with this:

Jeremiah 16:19-21

King James Version (KJV)

¹⁹O LORD, my strength, and my fortress, and my refuge in the day of affliction, the Gentiles shall come unto thee from the ends of the earth, and shall say, Surely our fathers have inherited lies, vanity, and things wherein there is no profit.

²⁰Shall a man make gods unto himself, and they are no gods?

²¹Therefore, behold, I will this once cause them to know, I will cause them to know mine hand and my might; and they shall know that my name is The LORD.

I love all y'all.

To be continued...........

Some days........

Some days I have difficulty finding the words I want to use. Today is one of those days. It is one of those anniversary of days too. Today would have been Jennifer's 31st birthday. It is also the first of her birthdays without her here. I miss her. If you don't know who Jenn is, look in the blog archives to June 2011. She was a beautiful young mom to Aubrey June & wife to Chad, awesome nurse, and one of the best friends anyone could ask for. She left us too soon. Pulmonary Hypertension took her from us. And as much as we (her work family) miss her we know her natural family misses her so much more. I know the pain of that loss first hand. They are in my prayers for comfort as they deal with this anniversary.

I have other dear friends struggling with losses of other kinds which are devastating in their own ways. Prayers for comfort are going up for them as well.

I so wish that there was something I could do or say that would put comfort in their hearts and ease their grief. I know that is not possible. I wish I could help them as much as I have been helped by others. I know others are still remembering me in their prayers because I could not keep going if they weren't.

I have been trying to pray more often because I know from past experience when I am caught up in my praying life runs so much better! I am not telling you it is perfect and I get what I want. I will tell you I get what I need though. God will provide for His children everything we need as long as we serve Him. When we stray, He gently reminds us that we are straying. He will never leave us. It is we who leave Him. I have also found that the harder I try to pray and do what is right, the more Satan tries to put obstacles in my path to cause me to get off that path. Then, it takes me longer to get back on it. I just want to get on that path and stay on it. My mam maw Childress was a good christian woman. There was not one better. She never missed a service as long as she was able. She dressed right, talked right, raised her family right, had one son become a deacon and another a preacher, prayed that when her time came to rest that it would be swift and that she wouldn't suffer. Her prayer was answered. She had a stroke and was in the hospital-- she had fallen and broken her hip. It had been fixed and physical therapy folks were getting her up to walk. She looked at them and just closed her eyes and laid back down. She was gone. They tried to resuscitate her to no avail. God called her home to rest. She was very confused about many, many things in the days following her stroke and many of her words were not understandable, but she could tell you when and where the Lord saved her soul. No doubt. I want to be like that. That is something to strive for. When I was young, the women in the church who were the age I am now were so much stronger and closer to the Lord than I ever will be. Something to strive for. Gertie, Thelma Strange, Virginia Page, Becky, Wava, they would testify in the spirit and I wanted that. Thelma Strange was the person who came to me when I was lost. And Virginia's husband Roy had a burden for me. He stayed right behind me praying for me. I will never forget.

Don't know why those memories came to me tonight. But they did. I needed to share them I guess.

I will leave you with this:

Psalms 118:24 "This is the day which the LORD hath made, we will rejoice and be glad in it." KJV

Remember, please pray for each other and don't forget me and my family. And please remember Jennifer's family in your prayers, you don't have to know them -- God does. And please remember those who have illness and sadness in their homes as well as those who just need to be remembered in your prayers. Please remember those who are lost and are seeking God.
I love all y'all!
To be continued.................

Just a short post

It has been quite a weekend. We had Nick's truck to break down yet again. Down to one vehicle again--mine. Got some idiot trying to hassle us. May have been outside near the house last night. Whistled when Nick whistled. Couldn't find any signs of anyone this morning....but I heard it too and it was more than once. I really, really won't put up with this. Police won't/can't do anything except make a report.

We had Church Saturday night and Sunday. On Sunday Rick's brother's wife Michelle and their son Anthony were there. It was good to see them. We went to Connie and Robbie's after Church for pot luck. It was surely good. There was enough left over to feed several more people. All mine ate again after I got home with still a little left.

I have a friend going through some things and I ask y'all to remember that friend and the friend's family in your prayers. You don't have to know what or who, God knows. He will help them. We just need to ask for them. Also, remember all the ones who have lost loved ones recently in your prayers as well as your friends. You never know what people you love are going through. Everyone could use prayers. Also, remember those who are lost and not ready for the day when He shall appear that they may get ready.

I will leave you with this:

Show me the right path, O Lord; point out the road for me to follow. Lead me by your truth and teach me, for you are the God who saves me. ~ Psalm 25:4

I love all y'all!
To be continued.............

this and that; that and this........

It has been a good week, worked Sunday, class on Tuesday, worked yesterday, off today work tomorrow......off the weekend. We have church at Miller Hill this Saturday night and Sunday. Y'all come! Sunday after church dinner is at Robbie and Connie's this time, I am pretty sure. Not too sure what I am taking this time. Maybe banana pudding, turkey and dressing and sweet taters fried......sounds good to me and not too difficult.....should have time to go to Nana's for breakfast Sunday too....

The class I went to on Tuesday was good, the speaker was excellent. Very, very good speaker, he kept your attention. He is a nurse and an attorney as well as a consultant. Everything he said though I try to do already. It is the right thing to do. I did think it was funny though, the conference was at the Carroll Knicely Center on South Campus WKU and he said his GPS took him to Wal-Mart. The funny part was that this center is the site of one of the first places Wal-Mart was in Bowling Green, maybe even the first site. Kroger was there later after Wal-Mart moved to where HH GREGG is now.

Looking at the puppy right now, he is asleep on his back. He is cute.

I like the graphic above, and I am looking forward to spring. It is fairly warm today for February 16! 2 years ago, we had quite a bit of snow in February. Rick was still in the ICU and I was driving in it quite a bit. Just under 3 weeks he will be gone 2 years. I miss him like it was yesterday!
Been thinking about turning off his phone. I am not sure how many people still call it to hear his voice. I still do, and it helps to hear his voice. Just unsure. I will be waiting until I am sure.

I will close with a verse from my favorite book in the Bible.

Psalms 25:4 – 5 “Shew me thy ways, O LORD, teach me thy paths. Lead me in thy truth, and teach me, for thou art the God of my salvation, on thee do I wait all the day.” (KJV)

I love all y'all!
To be continued...................................

Glad that is over!

Tonight I got home from work, made 3 pie crusts, made one pie that had to be baked, 2 baked shells remain, and if I can wind down enough from that UK game so I can sleep I have to get up a little early in the morning to make 2 more pies. Surely I can get up! We shall see!

Been posting about the UK game with friends, keeping another sort of updated as it went, she couldn't see the game. I told her she wasn't missing much! Shew, they about killed me! Glad they pulled it out! If Vandy had played the first half like they did the second half, UK might have lost! Glad they didn't!

Now for a little change of pace. I have been keeping a promise I made to myself a little better the past few days, and when I didn't keep it, I got a not-so-gentle reminder that I need to put other things first and maybe stay off this computer a little more. There are more important things than Facebook. We are going to be going into a revival one of these days before too much longer. I want to be ready. The past couple I have not been quite there. Really, since the terrible run we had during one revival, I have had a difficult time being ready. I don't know if it was the fact that one person could do that to another in THIS community, (much less anywhere in the world) I just thought how could you do that, how could you intentionally do that. And that is what the person did. The person admitted to it and is paying for it on earth now. Took a long time to get past it and from time to time it still haunts me. I try to push it out of my mind. I ask y'all to remember us in your prayers. I ask for you to remember me in your prayers too.

Tonight I will leave you with the following:

Ephesians 6:18-20

King James Version (KJV)

¹⁸Praying always with all prayer and supplication in the Spirit, and watching thereunto with all perseverance and supplication for all saints;

¹⁹And for me, that utterance may be given unto me, that I may open my mouth boldly, to make known the mystery of the gospel,

²⁰For which I am an ambassador in bonds: that therein I may speak boldly, as I ought to speak.

I love all y'all. Remember your neighbors, friends, co-workers, family and really everyone in your prayers......
To be continued..........

It makes me sad

Sometimes I read posts from people I know and they make me want to cry. Sometimes it is because it is something sad or something that touches my heart. Sometimes it makes me want to cry because of other reasons I can't get into right now, but what is written hurts my heart because I know that person knows better than what is written. It is difficult to explain without getting into too much detail because I wouldn't hurt anyone for any reason intentionally. I guess we all have the right to think what we want to think and maybe the person really does think that way. I would hope not though. Because it really, really does matter. It does.

Trust in the LORD with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge Him, and He will make your paths straight. – Proverbs 3:5-6

I want to do just that--trust Him in everything. I am trying to pray every day and get closer. I know we have a battle coming. I want to be ready. I would love to be where I was before Rick got sick. I was closer then than I have ever been in my life. Then life happened to us. Don't get me wrong, I don't blame God for taking Rick. I don't, I just let his illness then death consume me I think and I am still trying to dig out. I wanted a different outcome. God had other plans for him and ultimately us.

When this country was a country that feared God and kept the commandments and prayer was in school and children were disciplined in school there was so much less crime and the world was a little better place. And don't try to tell me differently. I know I grew up in a time when these things happened. You could pray in school and say God and leave school with a teacher to go to a revival day service and come back to school with that teacher. No problem. Now days that would get so many people in trouble! I left school with Gladys and Bob or Lelan came to school to get kids that wanted to go (with parent notes) and the parents gladly wrote them and might even be at the service too and would be at the night service.........and if you got in trouble at school it wasn't time out or write sentences necessarily.....it could have meant a paddle to the backside and your parents knew about it before you got home......and you feared getting home because that paddle would get your butt again......and parents didn't fear social services coming to their house for punishing their child. I thank God I was raised where I was and when I was. I tried to raise mine the same way.

That is enough of my soap box for tonight.

I love all y'all.
To be continued......................

I do think this day deserves to be remembered!

I have tried to upload pics to the blog from today. They just won't load. If I use pics from my phone, they load fine. Pics from my camera will load to Facebook just fine but not to the blog. I don't understand it. Oh, well.

It has been an excellent day! Rick's son from his first marriage came to meet the family. We got out picture albums, some brought old photos, and mom and Teresa had the same idea to give Greg a video from the funeral. Greg and Michaelle brought me a gift......measuring spoons with the Serenity Prayer engraved on the spoons. Excellent.

We had lots of good food and it was a soup day after all! We had chili, beef stew, vege soup and potato soup. We had homemade bread, corn bread and crackers. We had chicken salad, pimento cheese, ham and peanut butter sandwiches. We had fudge pie, chocolate pie, lemon pie, chess bars, Hershey bar pie, and an Oreo dessert. We had tea and all kinds of colas. I think everyone had plenty of food and I think everyone was comfortable.

We had family here from both sides -- mine and Ricks. All his siblings were here, his Aunt Bonita and Uncle Danny and Aunt Erma and Uncle Loy were here. Of course, Aunt Bonita cried. We also had friends who are like family. It was such a good day and I am so glad we met and God willing, there will be many, many more family gatherings.

I love all y'all!
To be continued.................

Work week is done!

Monday afternoon I was watching TV and my phone rang. It was Michelle, my new boss. She said we are getting a patient with one of those Impella devices and you are the only one whose had one, can you come in? You can say no if you don't want to come in. I felt the fear, it is a new device we are beginning to use. I have had 2 classes and one other patient with it. I thought about it and said I would go in. I got there around 4 pm, set the room up and waited, and waited and waited. After about an hour and a half, I walked down to the cath lab where they put these things in to check out things. They were still working. I got report and went back to wait. About 6:30 they called, went down to help transport and got settled in the room. Night shift came in and together we got situated. NO problem! Was very, very glad when 9 pm came and it was time to go home. Had to be back on Tuesday morning and have worked every day since but the good thing is I got tomorrow off! YAY!! Another good thing: I am very, very confident with the Impella device now. Now, I am not bragging, others are too, but I am ready. I was afraid of the thing when we first got started. It is not a big deal to me now! It is like everything else, gotta get a comfort level then go for it!

On to other things! The count down is on, we will meet Rick's son on Sunday! It is almost here! Looking forward to the dinner too. Gonna make beef stew and chili, others are bringing soup too, and others are bringing sandwiches. Others are bringing sweets. It is gonna be a good day! I just hope it is not too warm for soup!

Everyone has gone gaga over this groundhog day thing. Doesn't matter if he sees his shadow or not. Spring arrives 7 weeks from today regardless. And you know our weather. Hot today and snow tomorrow sometimes. It IS KY after all! I do appreciate the warmer weather we have been having though. Good for the electric bills! But, it does make me think about when we have warmer January's we tend to have ice in March. I hope that doesn't happen this year.

That is all for tonight!
Bring it on, I ain't scared!

I love all y'all!
To be continued...............