Wishes

I have found myself wishing for things sometimes. One time I wished I could be a manager. I decided I could do that job very well. And one day while I was at work I got a phone call. Debbie wanted to see me. She had been promoted to a higher level. I went to her office. She said, things are changing. Fran and I are not going to be over the units anymore. We want you to manage SICU and Neuro. I thought about it for a few days, discussed it with my family. It meant weekends off (not really after all) It meant holidays off (not really after all). I said yes. And I did a pretty fair job at it, much more involved than I knew for sure! I knew managers spent more time at the hospital than they got paid for, but I thought I could deal with it. I knew there would be many people to please. Thought I could deal with that, too. What I discovered was all the time I spent at the hospital meant time away from home and my family. It was not worth it. And though I received a "pay raise" I really didn't get one. I got paid for a forty hour work week and actually spent 50 to 60 hours a week at the hospital. Add to that an hour and a half travel each way. No, that was not for me. Over the 3 years I spent as a manager, I was over all of the critical care units except one at one time or another. Then gasoline was up to $1.58 a gallon. I was tired of driving. Problem was once you were a manager, you could not work in that unit anymore. I really didn't want to work a floor so I decided to call Sally and see if I could get back in CCU at the Medical Center. Rest is history.

One thing I know for sure, sometimes when we wish for something, God will let us have it to show us we really didn't want it after all. Lesson learned.

Rick was very supportive in all my decisions regarding that job and the "promotion" and the "resignation" and moving my work to Bowling Green. It was a pay cut at first, but it worked out to be not so bad in the long run. After all, I was only 15 miles one way from home instead of 85 miles one way. That in itself was a huge bonus! And the extra time I had with my family has been priceless. Just think, if I had still had that job when Rick became ill, what would have happened? I know I would have had regrets about the amount of time I was away.

Yesterday was Valentines Day. My Valentine is in Heaven watching over us. I miss him every day. I make it day to day, but I really, really miss him. Not just on holidays. I miss him morning, noon and night. There is not a waking hour I don't think about him. He is always in the back of my mind. Today I made a cake. Before I put the frosting on, I thought for a second, Rick won't want frosting on his part, then I remembered. That happens so many times still. I know he is gone and won't ever be back. Doesn't keep me from wishing...............

I love y'all.
To be continued............