Tuesday, February 22, 2011


In less than 2 weeks it will be a year. I am having quite a difficult time tonight. I can't seem to stop the tears right now. It just started when I saw this post:
Itll soon be a year since you left me here. There isnt a day that goes by that i dont wish you were here. I love you and miss you Dad.
I don't always read Nick's posts, but when I logged onto facebook tonight this was the first post I saw. It is sweet and it is sad. I know how he misses his dad. I miss him too. If he was here so much would never have been. I wish I could help him with his grief.

I am having flashbacks to that Saturday night March 6, 2010. It was so hard to let them have him to take him away to prepare his body for the last time we would see and touch him. But then again, he was in a better place, no more pain, no more struggling for every breath. I wouldn't put him back through that ever. I wish that someone would find a cure for that word I really don't like. That word requires lots of decisions to be made. That word means pain. That word means surgery. That word so many times means the loss of the life that has that word.

I know for sure that March 6, 2010 through March 10, 2010 were the most difficult days of my life to this point. I also know if it wasn't for God, family and friends I don't know how we could have gotten through. We are so blessed to have so many in our lives. Sandy, I didn't even have to call you. You knew just when I needed you the most. I wouldn't want anyone to feel left out. There were so many others who were there too. Y'all carried us through the most difficult time in our lives. We could not have made it without you! We will never forget y'all! I would hope none of you ever have to experience these things, but if you ever do, I hope we can be of help to you the way you were to us!

Who knew on March 22, 2008 that just less than 2 years later we would have to mark another grave in the same cemetery? Who knew that cancer would kill father and son? (though it was 2 different kinds of cancer) I know death is just a part of life. And it has always been - and always will be. But why would it have to hurt so bad if it is the natural course of life? It is all because of one little four letter word! It is, really! One four letter word. LOVE! Love is what makes our life worth living. Love cures lots of problems.

There is an ultimate LOVE, too! That love comes from the Father who loves us with everything He has! He proved it 2000 years ago when He sent His Son to die for us. And that LOVE has given comfort to so many people who have been through this very thing.

Nick, there isn't a day that goes by that I don't wish the same thing. You are so not alone! I am here if you need me.

John 3:16 (King James Version)

16For God so loved the world, that he gave his only begotten Son, that whosoever believeth in him should not perish, but have everlasting life.

I love y'all!
To be continued...............

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