Sunday, August 15, 2010

♥ Just a few random thoughts ♥

I miss this man. But for as much as I miss him, I know he is not suffering now. He is at peace. He went through a lot from November 23 to March 6. He is holding Jessie, our nephew, my brother Bruce's only child. Jessie loved his Uncle Rick. When strawberries were ripe, his great-grandfather came to pick them for him and he had a little tantrum, a "James fit" I guess.....he wanted Uncle Rick to pick them for him. He just doesn't understand. I don't either really, but I as much as I love and miss Rick I wouldn't bring him back to suffer for anything in this world unless he could be cured. I know that could not happen, so I will go on and miss him every day and look toward the day when we will meet again. It does not mean I love him any less! It means I loved him enough to let go and let God have him. He let me keep him a few days over 3 months from the day the tumor was debulked (sorry removed to the best of their ability). I cherish each and every day we had together and I do not regret one day spent with him in the hospital for that 6 weeks. We had a good life together and I would not change anything through November 23. If I could change the events of his last few months, it would have been for the tumor to never have existed. We can not change what is. Ours is to accept what God puts in front of us and learn from it. I have learned a lot in the past 9 months. One thing I learned is from the book of Daniel. Chapter 3 verses 15 through 28. Brother Steven preached from these passages several times but it took my friend Hillary and what she is facing with her new baby coming soon to really understand what part of that message was for me. The passages concern the fiery furnace and the men who wouldn't bend, bow or burn. They went into the furnace with the belief that God would bring them through. Their faith was so strong that they said even if he doesn't do what we want we still will not bow to you. I needed my faith to be so strong that even if Rick didn't survive the cancer our lives go on and my faith in God would not be changed and my faithfulness to HIM would not change.....and one day we will understand the reason for this time in our lives. I still don't know what all the lessons from these experiences are but I do know that as I need to know, they will be revealed to me and when I am allowed to share them I will. I won't forget the night when this lesson was revealed to me. I shared it with Hillary. I don't know for sure if she realizes just how much she helped me by posting about the book from Daniel. It was as if it was revealed to me as I was reading it. It was so very clear. Until you experience that revelation for yourself, you can only take my word for it....but know this I love my Lord God with all my heart and I intend to serve him until my time on this earth ends. With His help, I go on each day. He is my rock and He is who I turn to.

To be continued......
I love you all...........

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