Randomness again

It has been a long time since my last post. So much and yet so little has gone on. It seems some days I am just hanging on and some days I am great. The last day I worked about got the best of me at the beginning of the shift, but I made it and the rest of the day was great. I was even able to lend a hand.

There is so much I would like to say, but can't. Even though this is MY blog and my place to vent, I will just keep a few things to myself.

I am trying to move forward. I have a few guilt feelings from time to time just thinking about moving forward so it seems I let that guilt keep me in the same place, just inching instead of making great progress. 

I went to church Saturday night. I didn't stay long. It was so humid out, and I didn't feel good, so I left. Breathing was short. Sunday was homecoming. I just couldn't go. Besides the humidity getting the best of me, it is still so very difficult to be there. I look at Rick's empty corner and the emotion just rolls in. I have tears welling up, trying not to cry right now. Maybe I should find a new place to go. But we went to so many places together. Would that also be difficult? It has been well over four years since he died. My head says it is long enough. Get over it. My heart says differently. 

Maybe part of what is wrong today is I went to get new tires this morning. I passed that old familiar spot in Brownsville where I spent my summer Tuesdays, Fridays and Saturdays-- at the Farmers Market on the square in front of the courthouse. They moved it back there. There was only one vendor this morning. He or she didn't look busy, and I didn't stop. Don't think I could. 

I got some news I didn't want to hear yesterday. Nothing bad, nothing life changing unfortunately. It will be OK! And so will I!

I love all y'all!❤️
To be continued.....