Same Blog, New Title

Today I was thinking again. I know, right? It gets me in trouble sometimes. HAHAHA! I decided to change the title of the blog. It has been almost 18 months since he left us. There is still not a day that goes by that I don't think about him during the day. I still miss him more than anyone can imagine (except someone who has been through it), but he isn't coming back. Changing the name of the blog is just one step in healing a little more. I will never forget all the years, good times (and not so good times that made us who we were and are), events, milestones-- everything! But now I have to make new memories, continue to live. He always thought he would not make it to 60. But he did. He made it to 62. He told me many times that if something happened to him, he wanted me to move on; and he told me when we found out about the tumor to move on. To live, to do what made me happy. I am getting there little by little. There will always be a place in my heart for him, and an empty hole as well. But life does go on. It does. And if I dwell in the past, I will never move on. I still have his cell phone active. If you have his number, you can call it to hear his voice any time you want. I may never turn it off. I call it often to hear him tell me "God loves you and have a nice day."

This morning I was thinking about the events that led us back from Massachusetts. Labor Day weekend 1990 we were getting ready to move to Tennessee. Rick had been transferred to Saturn. He would start his new job October 15. Trouble was, a new baby (we thought was a boy) was due October 9 (John Lennon's birthday) and I would most likely have a C-Section and would not be able to travel yet. So a good friend Susan Justus came to Massachusetts to visit, we picked her up at the airport and she stayed with me until about 4 days before Rick came back. He loaded a U-Haul with all our stuff except a microwave, mattress, a couple plates and forks, and some of our clothes. Susan and I toured all over MA, CT, RI, VT and Maine. We went to the ocean, to Buzzards Bay (which has access to Martha's Vineyard Island) and many historic sites. Good thing about living in New England, you can do this on day trips and be home in time for sleep time. Susan left, she went to an OB appt with me, my OB told me he was taking a 2 week vacation and I would be fine. I had never seen his partner because I was a planned C-section. I said, I have a feeling I may need you. He said you worry too much. (I had lost 4 babies between my two and he was there for 3 of them.) So, I sent Susan home on Friday and worked Friday night. She worried about leaving me alone, Rick would be home Sunday afternoon. He got home, I was happy to see him. Monday morning (September 24) rolled around and we got up and went shopping for a few baby items including a car seat. We got blue. I just knew it would be a "he" and Rick went to work at 3pm. I had a Lamaze class (just in case I went into labor) then work. It was almost 6pm and I was late for my class. I was on Route 30 near Southborough to head to Worcester (St Vincent's where the baby was to be born and UMASS Medical Center were both there). I had stopped at a stop sign, waiting for an opening to pull out onto route 9 so I could get there. In the meantime, Mr. Buzzard (as I like to call him) came up behind me, hit my car and pushed me into the line of oncoming cars. I was able to get it onto the shoulder of the road before I was hit again. I turned around, pointed my finger at him and told him "that will be quite enough out of you!" I wanted to say more but didn't. He couldn't hear me anyway. I got out of my car and looked at the damage. I was wearing a scrub dress, obviously close to term, and he panicked. I made him get out of his truck and give me his keys (he wanted to leave me there). I then made him go call the law to report the wreck. He did not want to, but did it anyway, I think he was afraid of me. Anyway, the policeman came and saw I was pregnant, and he called an ambulance. Now, mind you I had been out of the car a good 10 minutes walking around by now. We made a report and the ambulance came. I had already called Rick to come get me and take me to the hospital. I wanted to wait for him. The policeman would not let me refuse care. So, though I had been out walking around they put me on a spine board with a rigid neck collar (then called a Philly Collar) and strapped me (35 or so weeks pregnant) to this board for an ambulance ride to the nearest hospital with a neonatal ICU just in case they said. In ER my c-spine was cleared and I was sent to labor and delivery to be monitored. Now, remember, my Dr. was on vacation. I needed him. Hummm. OK so they called his partner who was at St. Vincent's with 4 or 5 moms in labor. She couldn't leave. After about 3 hours of monitoring, I was allowed to leave with Rick and go over there. I was kept the rest of the night and after blood being drawn was allowed to go home. I was sore. I was not allowed to go back to work. Rick went to work that day at 3pm again, and I assured him I was fine and would call him if I needed him. I was watching TV on my mattress on the floor when the phone rang about 6pm. It was the doctor. She said the blood test came back and showed the baby's blood was mixing with mine and we would need to do a C-section the next day and for us to be at St V's by 6am and if I had one pain or anything abnormal to get there ASAP! I was fine. So on September 26, 1990 at 1:30 pm a big 8 pound even 19 inch long baby boy was born. Rick cried when Nick cried the first time. He was so tiny compared to Val. Looking at him now, you wouldn't believe he was that tiny! And though the accident was something I wish had never happened, and my car was totaled (damage more than the value of the car but you could barely tell it by looking) it let me move with Rick. And I was having a c-section anyway so......but one thing that accident did for me--> I always keep an eye on my mirror for oncoming cars when I stop at a stop sign. And I do STOP (at least 99% of the time). I am afraid to this day that I will be hit again. I didn't want to drive after that. Rick made me. He said I had to "get back on the horse" that threw me. He was right. I did have some stress at every stop sign for a while and I still keep an eye out.......

I am grateful for the clouds today, makes for a little cooler day. And the clouds are lowering and thickening. Hopefully, it will rain today!

I love y'all!
To be continued...........