Random thoughts again

In less than 2 days Rick will be gone 8 months. I miss him so much. There is so much I need him for and he is not here. There is so much I want to tell him, and I do. And I know what he would say to some things I want to tell him. I do call his cell phone from time to time and listen him tell me God loves me and have a nice day. It has been since January 27 (the day the breathing tube went down) since I have heard his voice. It is coming up on the one year anniversary of the tumor being found and his birthday just 4 days later and Thanksgiving is just right in the middle of all that. I am glad to have the day off this year! I hope that as time goes by I will feel the pain less. I don't know if that will happen or not.

Today I had a meeting at work. I went in for it. Went to supper then to training at the fire department after that. I am sure that I don't know if I want to stay with the department or not. I am leaning towards turning in everything. I just don't know yet. Sometimes I don't feel a part of. And when you don't feel part of something you don't want to be there. I know it is just me thinking that especially when I am tired because I feel that way at work too sometimes. And at home. Maybe I am just detached from life to not feel the pain so much. Maybe I shouldn't analyze things so much. And I know I let the devil work on my mind sometimes. The devil loves to sew discord in someone's heart so he can tear down good work. He is only as strong as we let him be. And lately I think I have let the devil cheat me out of a lot of life.

This week I asked my kids a certain question. Asked them both the same way and they both answered the same way. I was surprised in a way. Now, I am not considering even remotely the thing I asked them, but I just wondered what their answer would be. I found out. Maybe someday I will be comfortable enough to write about it. But for now, this is all I can do.

Perry Dale is taking a few steps from time to time. He is so cute toddling along. I can not believe he is a toddler now. He smiles and it melts my heart. He loves his gamma. And his gamma loves him!

I think this is all for tonight.

I love you all.

Jeremiah 29:11 "For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future."

To be continued..............