'Tis the Season

Easter is quickly approaching. This year it is April 5th. Did you ever wonder how Easter is determined? I did. So I looked it up. It has to do with phases of the moon among other things. So, Easter is determined to be the first Sunday after the first full moon after the 20th of March or the Paschal moon (the first full moon of the vernal equinox). So, Easter can never be before March 20 or after April. 25. Exactly when the first Easter happened is not something I know how to figure out. I do know, though, that Easter is a special time. A Holy time. It is a somber time as Good Friday (never know why that name is chosen for this day) marks the capture, crucifixion, and death of Jesus Christ. I see no good in His death. But, then again, there was good in it. Good because on the third day (Easter) He rose! And I believe that with all my heart. If you have never seen "The Passion of the Christ", you should. Just once. I will never forget. That movie, though in a language that I could not understand, was so moving. I believe God had a hand in helping Mel Gibson make that movie. I do. I also believe a bit of dramatic license was taken in some of the scenes but I believe it really represents what our Savior went through on the day he died. Don't judge if you haven't seen it.

Had it not been for that man, where would I be today? I love that song. I love to hear Bro Denzel sing it. Brings a chill. Every time.

My point? My point to this is: Easter is not about bunnies and chicks and ducklings. It's not about eggs colored so pretty. It's not about baskets of candy. It is about the man who died for us that we might be saved. I'm not telling you to forget about our traditions. I buy Easter baskets, candy, hide eggs etc. I am saying remember why we celebrate this season. What it means. Teach your children and grandchildren. Have fun. But remember. Never forget and praise Him for what He did for us.

I hope all y'all have a very blessed day! I must go. Gotta go see Dr Avula this afternoon. Those esophageal spasms were bad last night. Phew!! 

I love all y'all!❤️

To be continued.......

I almost forgot how to post!

It has been so long since I posted on this blog I nearly forgot how. I am struggling as I type right now. This is kind of funny. Things keep popping up on the computer. I haven't been on a computer this way for quite some time. I guess I have to re-learn!

I have an appointment with my Dr tomorrow afternoon. It is just for med refills and a check up. Nothing is specifically wrong. Hopefully he will refill my lasix and I have to take my CPAP card in so he can download it. I have a few missing nights simply from being at the hospital without it during all that snow we had. I am surely hoping the snow is over!

Today is Sunday. As usual, I went to Nana's this morning for Sunday  breakfast with the family. My oldest grandchild can read!! She read 3 books to me cover to cover. I can not believe she is growing up so fast!

I think this is all for now. I hope each of you who choose to read this have a very blessed day! I will get back in the habit of posting at least once a week on one of the three blogs.

I love all y'all!❤️

To be continued..........

It's been a while!

I haven't posted anything in quite some time. I don't have internet at home anymore and posting from my phone is not fun. So.

Yesterday we found 2 baby kittens. Our momma cat surprised me this time. I didn't know she was gonna do that. I heard "mew, mew, mew" at 2am yesterday. Around 2pm she brought them to the porch. Poor Bruno. He just wanted to look and sniff. Momma had a fit. She put him on the trail.

Not having a very good time right now. Seems like I am waiting for the other shoe to drop. I don't know what is going to happen next. Seems everywhere I turn, something new happens. I went to Dr Lin last week, he said he would see me in 6 months if he doesn't see me in ER first. What's that supposed to mean? He asked about the cholesterol med- I can not take it. I have tried several different ones. They hurt me so bad. And my cholesterol numbers were near perfect. And the last heart cath I had said no blockages. He said that didn't mean a whole lot. Plaques - even small ones - can rupture and can cause a heart attack. The cholesterol medication is supposed to help prevent that. So, he said try it once a week at least. So I will. We will see.

I am still having trouble feeling like I want to go back to my church. No one there did anything to me or said anything out of the way. It is all me. The last time I was there, there was no bass singer. The song was going along and then silence. A bass part. That was Rick's part. I couldn't handle it. I left and haven't been back. The past couple of meetings have been on my weekend to work. It will change back in December, but I don't know if I will be able to go. I need to go somewhere. And that is home. But it is so hard to be there. I would think after well over 4 years since he died that I could move on. Obviously I can't yet. I hope no one reading this ever has to know the heart ache that comes with that loss. But, many will. It is part of life. I just can't handle it right now. Maybe it is time to sell out and move. I have lived in Wingfield longer than I have ever lived anywhere. I love where I live.  I don't want to move, but I can't keep on going like this. Say a prayer for me.

I love all y'all.
To be continued......

2014 is almost half over

This year is almost half over. 3 more days and June will be behind us. Unsettling time of year for me now.  In six days would have been our 29th anniversary.  This time of year is difficult  for many reasons. That is just one reason. I think sometimes I don't understand why we have the emotion of love when it hurts so bad when our loved ones leave us. I realize much of the time they are in a better place, way better than we have it here. 

In a week our country celebrates another year of freedom. It is Independence Day. This day has great memories of good times with friends and especially one in particular.  It was a couple years before Rick's tumor was found.  Rick and I were at friends' celebrating the fourth (annual tradition for YEARS) when we sat down to eat, Rick picked up a coke bottle - 2 liter - and the plastic was thin and his big ole hands squeezed that bottle and up and out of the bottle came the coke. Then he dropped it. It went all over the place. He was embarrassed. Very embarrassed. Then, of course, I laughed. He said gruffly: "its not funny!!" - He grabbed a towel to clean up the mess - it was a cute decorative towel (strawberries you know) - Sandy said "not with that" I said it at the same time. He looked at me so seriously "give me something then!" I was cracking up. Everyone else was afraid to laugh at him at first. Finally, he laughed and everyone else did too. It was so funny - coke was everywhere. But it was still funny! We never let him forget that. I plan on spending my fourth there this year as well. Annual tradition. We will have a cookout and talk and play and remember that year Rick spilled the coke as we do every year and after dark we will shoot fireworks and I will yell "more, more" and Tonya Lynn will yell "faster, faster" and Sandy will yell "again, again! then we will clean it all up and go home. Good times with friends who are like family.  

In case you were wondering it is getting closer to my favorite times of year! I love the fall, I love fall decorating with shock fodder, straw bales and scarecrows, witches and pumpkins! I love Thanksgiving because it was my Papaw James' favorite time of year! I love Christmas because of what it means! so.....

In case you were wondering how long it is until those holidays:

180 days until Christmas!

153 days until Thanksgiving!

125 days until Halloween!

I love all y'all!❤️

To be continued......

Randomness again

It has been a long time since my last post. So much and yet so little has gone on. It seems some days I am just hanging on and some days I am great. The last day I worked about got the best of me at the beginning of the shift, but I made it and the rest of the day was great. I was even able to lend a hand.

There is so much I would like to say, but can't. Even though this is MY blog and my place to vent, I will just keep a few things to myself.

I am trying to move forward. I have a few guilt feelings from time to time just thinking about moving forward so it seems I let that guilt keep me in the same place, just inching instead of making great progress. 

I went to church Saturday night. I didn't stay long. It was so humid out, and I didn't feel good, so I left. Breathing was short. Sunday was homecoming. I just couldn't go. Besides the humidity getting the best of me, it is still so very difficult to be there. I look at Rick's empty corner and the emotion just rolls in. I have tears welling up, trying not to cry right now. Maybe I should find a new place to go. But we went to so many places together. Would that also be difficult? It has been well over four years since he died. My head says it is long enough. Get over it. My heart says differently. 

Maybe part of what is wrong today is I went to get new tires this morning. I passed that old familiar spot in Brownsville where I spent my summer Tuesdays, Fridays and Saturdays-- at the Farmers Market on the square in front of the courthouse. They moved it back there. There was only one vendor this morning. He or she didn't look busy, and I didn't stop. Don't think I could. 

I got some news I didn't want to hear yesterday. Nothing bad, nothing life changing unfortunately. It will be OK! And so will I!

I love all y'all!❤️
To be continued.....

A scary week!

Last Tuesday night on my way home from work I was driving minding my own business when I casually put my hand up to my chest. The spider bite still "bothers" me in a way. It doesn't hurt, just where the bite was scarred and feels weird. Where the venom went is still discolored a lot. About 2 finger tip widths from the bite I felt a lump. It doesn't hurt, it's about pea to bean size and it's definitely there. It was about 8pm. I panicked. I'd just worked the first of a 3-day stretch. I cried and worried most of the night with very little sleep. I worked Wednesday - had someone check it who thought from it's location, it's not likely anything bad. That eased my mind enough I slept fairly well Wednesday night and on Thursday I called my Drs office. They called an order for a mammogram and ultrasound. I had the mammogram today. They took a lot of pictures, several angles, marked the lump so they could be sure they got it in the X-rays. At first after the X-rays were taken, I felt safe then a comment about going ahead with the ultrasound alarmed me. But that was not really anything bad after all. After about 10 long minutes and lots of prayer, she came back in. The radiologist saw absolutely nothing. So, the ultrasound was not needed! I am elated! It's been a long 6 days! The Lord is in control and prayers were answered! 

I love all y'all! ❤️

To be continued........

Feeling better!

Stress test = anxiety! I think I was as nervous about having to have an IV placed 2 consecutive days for this stress test as I was worrying about whether or not I could walk it. Well, The Lord was with me and those helping me. Only one stick each day AND successful placement both times! AND I got to my goal heart rate on the treadmill with no ischemia on the EKG or scan after. That is great. I did cough a lot as soon as my heart rate raised above 100. I could feel slight throat pressure. It comes from the diastolic heart failure (Google it) that I've been treated for almost 2 years. This means I need my medicine adjusted. What I'm on has been working for me at least symptom - wise until the first of the year. The shortness of breath returned with a vengeance. I felt lucky I had the appointment the day after it was at its worst. So for now I'm taking my Lasix every day to help keep fluid down, nitro when I need it and in 2/14 Dr Lin will change, increase or add something to help. In the meantime, I am feeling somewhat better- the Lasix is helping. 

My problems are nothing compared to what some folks very dear to me are going through though. Sweet Brittany lost her dad last night. They were so close. Please remember her and her family in your prayers!!

My friend Penney's mom has cancer- lung cancer and it seemed the end was very near- she began coughing up blood- quite a lot of blood- the cancer dr decided to try a bit of chemo again and The Lord decided to grant a little more time. Penney's mom is precious. Please remember that family in your prayers!! 

The Muhlenberg county family that lost 9 members last last week also need your prayers! The 2 survivors remain in  VUMC and it's my understanding the father may not survive. That family definitely needs prayer and anything you can do to help them! Losing all your possessions in a fire is devastating enough; losing most of your family has to be unbearable! 

We had church today at Miller Hill. Good preaching today. I've been meditating since I got home about it; I am sure if I follow my heart it will turn out as it is meant to. It's not for me to decide. The Lord will work His will. I just have to obey. I ask for your prayers too that I follow my heart and do His will, not mine! I don't want to do anything on my own- ONLY with His guidance!

I love all y'all!❤️

To be continued.......