So much on my mind

So I have been feeling pretty bad for about 3 to 3 1/2 weeks. On a Wednesday night in early January, I had about an hour of chest tightness after I went to bed. I was about ready to get Nick up and go to the ER then it eased. I don't know what it was. It just so happened I had a routine appointment with Dr Lin the next morning so I told him about it and the flurttering feeling I had at the same time. I've also had quite a bit if shortness of breath. He looked over the labs and did an EKG and scheduled a stress test. That begins tomorrow. Somehow I thought it was today- missed it by one day. Anyway. I believe it will be negative and this is just esophageal spasms and or hormones. I really don't like this feeling not knowing for sure! Tuesday and Wednesday will tell!! 

I love all y'all.❤️

To be continued.....

Precious Memories

Today is the 4th anniversary of Ricks last hours at home. I believe he knew how sick he was. I believe he knew it was his last day here and if he went to the hospital, he wouldn't come back here. He made me leave him here alone and go pay the balance he owed on his cemetery plot. I had to beg him to go to the hospital that morning. He couldn't eat or drink. He let me take him to the Dr. Doc said pneumonia and gave him antibiotics. It was all I could do to get him back in the house. He was so short if breath. He got the pills down but got choked on the water. 

I was a first responder at the time. I got him to let me put oxygen on him. It helped only slightly.

His sister Debbie came by. She stayed with him about an hour. He enjoyed her visit. 

He wanted to go to the bathroom. He didn't have the strength to stand with my help let alone walk. But he refused to go to the ER. My little oxygen tank was almost gone. I begged him to let me take him to ER. Finally he agreed. I couldn't get him standing. He refused an ambulance for a while longer then he agreed. I called 911 and requested the ambulance for shortness if breath. It wasn't long until the house and yard was full of folks coming to help. Petie, Hank and another that for the life if me I can't remember came. His oxygen saturation was 50's. Remember, he'd been on oxygen several hours by now. Robbie had changed him to 100% oxygen before EMS arrived. Saturation should have been way over 90. Hank and Petie put him in the ambulance, I was not far behind them. They turned on the lights and siren. My heart sank. I cried and prayed all the way to the hospital. That same still, small voice spoke to my heart yet again with "trust Me!" just as it had been doing since late November. His blood gas was horrible. He was not oxygenating well at all. He was admitted to the ICU. He was awake and alert and just trying to breathe. He made me promise him when "hope" for recovery was gone I would not let him linger. I didn't leave him for 2 days and nights. 

Late that night tests were done and very large blood clots were found in both legs. Not good news!  He was started on thinners. Due to his blood cell problems, that was very difficult to manage. Not good. On Sunday they placed a filter to prevent more clots from reaching his lungs. Even that didn't work well. Lung Dr showed me his chest X-ray from that morning. Pretty much whited out. Not good either. Still, I kept hearing "trust Me!" 

The family and friends who visited the hospital or just kept us in their prayers meant so very much!! 

I love all y'all! ❤️

To be continued.....

Rick holding his pride and joy! October was Papaws girl for sure! You wouldn't know from this picture around a year was all he had left!! 

Must be ok

Still haven't heard from the Holter Monitor I wore for 24 hours. Saw Dr Lin over the weekend. He said if the techs had seen anything they would have called him. So that's good. Still very tired and short of breath. I stayed home tonight instead of going to prayer meeting. I just don't feel good. I will be going to work the next 2 days if I have the energy. I won't be able to go to cardiac rehab. After checking it out, I can't do it. It costs too much out of pocket and I can't be there half the time so I'm not going. Dr Lin will have to understand. I've had quite a bit if fluttering in my chest today but no tightness. I'm about to just give up on feeling better. It's discouraging. 

We have dinner after church Sunday. I was planning to take meatloaf and a cake but I'm not sure I'm going to feel like going. I don't like feeling like this. 

And there's so much more I want to say but I won't. 

I love all y'all 

To be continued......

Still waiting

I turned in the Holter Monitor today. I don't believe there were many if any irregularities on it. There have been 3 episodes I've felt in the past 15 minutes. Checked out cardiac rehab today. Insurance won't pay much so I don't know if I can afford it. We shall see what the insurance says. Thankfully, there have been no more chest pain episodes. I didn't make it to the funeral today. It's still very hard to go to those. I don't know if that will ever change. Time will tell.

I'm done for today. Waiting for holter monitor results. I suppose he will call if there were any serious rhythm problems.

I love all y'all. ❤️
To be continued.....

I'm just waiting

I'm lying here tonight about half afraid. I really don't feel good at all. Last night I had chest tightness for almost an hour and really couldn't decide if it was esophageal spasm or not. Finally it eased. I already had an appointment today with Dr Lin (my cardiologist). It was just a checkup but the timing was great. I had a heart cath almost two years ago that was good and it's highly unlikely that plaque could build up that quickly. But then he's reviewing labs and saw how high my cholesterol was 6 months ago. Yes, it's much better now but he's concerned in that high bad cholesterol 6 months ago. So he did an EKG and I'm wearing a holter monitor now. Last night I had several extra heart beats during that tightness. And I also have to go have cardiac rehab for a month and have a stress test at the end of January. I'm not looking forward to that. Glad I've been walking! Tho I'm not real sure how I'll endure on the treadmill. And it's a two day test :/ so I can do this and it will be fine! I do know my vitamin d level is low so it may just be esophageal spasms (muscle spasms increase with low d levels). All I know for sure is I was ready to go to the ER when it finally eased and I still feel like crap AND it hasn't happened tonight. And neither have the extra beats. I've felt so bad I haven't been over to Stockholm to see Aunt Thelma Jean. I'll just have to see how I feel tomorrow.  

Theres so much more I want to say but as long as I keep it to myself then no one else knows. And for now that's how it should be. 

I love all y'all! ❤️

To be continued......

Another has gone on home

Early yesterday morning God called another home. She will be missed. She was an aunt, someone I have always known. When you are young, you tend to think life will go on forever. But it doesn't. And Thelma Jean lost her short battle with cancer and is now at peace and rest. No more smothering. No more struggling for each breath. And one day our family will be reunited. The family circle will be complete. She was loved by so many.  Uncle Lelan pastored many churches in Edmonson, Hart, Barren and Grayson counties through the years. She was a faithful christian wife. Her visitation begins at 4pm today at Stockholm United Baptist Church in Edmonson County. Funeral will be Friday at 11am. Prayers for her family please for them to find comfort. 

I love all y'all.❤

To be continued.............