Random thoughts

This time of year is difficult for folks who’ve lost loved ones in the recent past - and not so recent past.  For a few of my friends, this Christmas will be their first without their spouse.  And for one of these strong women, it’ll also be the first Christmas without her mom.  A few other friends won’t have their mom too.   I can’t tell you the feelings I still have without Rick here.  This will be our tenth Christmas without him.  And my mom, my brothers and I will have our first Christmas without Pap.  Yes, we still have other family members around but it’s just not the same.

Please remember your friends in your prayers tonight and every night.  We don’t understand why things turned out this way right now; but someday we’ll know all about it.  

Until next time.  

❤️ I love all y’all.  

Christmas! 🎄

It’s one of my favorite times usually.  This year is different though.  It’s been almost ten years since Rick has been gone.  Now my dad is gone.  We have been working so much overtime these past several months.  I’m exhausted physically and mentally.  My Christmas tree is up and there are a few presents under it.  None of that would be though if not for my kids.  I just don’t have any energy to do much.  I haven’t made my sourdough starter this year.  I’ve made no candy.  I work.  I watch football.  I play with my baby grandson.  My other grandchildren are too big to play with gamma.  

Please remember your friends when you go to pray.  Remember those who have sick family members and those who have endured loss in the recent past - even the not so recent past.  

❤️ I love all y’all.  

Until next time.  

Another first

Holiday time is a wonderful time.  Families get together, share good times and a great meal together.  They make wonderful memories together.  I cherish those memories and traditions.  In my job, I am required to work holidays.  Every other Thanksgiving, Christmas Eve and Christmas Day, I’m spending those holidays with someone else’s family taking care of them at sometimes the worst times in their lives.  I chose this profession. It’s part of the job.  I told my family a long, long time ago I didn’t want them changing our traditions to accommodate me.  So, my mom fixes the dinner on the holiday every year. She doesn’t let us help with anything as far as preparing the meal.  This year things will be a little different.  There’s another empty chair at the table.  In a way, I’m kind of glad to be scheduled to work because it’ll be a bit sadder at our home with it being our first holiday without pap.  He surely enjoyed his holiday meals.  Y’all remember us and all the other families spending our first holiday with an empty chair.  

❤️I love all y’all.  

Until next time.  

Ten Years

I find it hard to believe that it’s been ten years since my family started on one of the hardest journeys in our life. I will never forget those 104 days.  When I first started writing, it was to help me deal with everything I was feeling over his illness and death.  The death of a spouse is something you never, ever completely get over.  The grief has always been there since March 6, 2010 (and really since the tumor was found).  It has changed to where it’s bearable though.  For a while, I wasn’t sure it ever would be.  Our marriage wasn’t perfect by any means but it was ours.  We were planning our 25th anniversary party.  We didn’t quite make it though.  I’m fine. It’s just an anniversary of. And those are hard!! 

Y’all pray for your friends, family, neighbors.  Our county, state and country.  

I miss him and think about him every day.  He loved his family and friends. He never met a stranger. 

Until next time.  

❤️ I love all y’all.  

It’s been a while

Since my computer died and Blogger wasn’t supported by my iOS, it’s been quite a while since I’ve written anything. So much has happened.  I have a daughter-in-law and new grandson.  His name is Xavier Thomas and he is 8 months old (in a few days).  He’s the sweetest baby boy around. He loves to give gamma sugars.  We also have Stella and Moon. They are good dogs.  

It’s hard to believe ten years ago today was our last “normal” day.  I worked that day. Rick came to work and brought me a Diet Coke.  He also offered to pick up Wendy’s for supper.  That was the beginning of recognizing something was not quite right.  

Speaking of Diet Coke, it’s now been 3 days since I’ve had one.  I almost caved yesterday but didn’t. Today, I’m hanging on not having one.  I can’t say that I’ve craved one at all today.  And there are none in the house.  I suppose that helps.  

I’m not sure how this post will turn out.  I’m excited to find this app though and possibly get back into the habit of writing. Time will tell.  

❤️ I love all y’all.  

Derby Day 2017

Today was Derby Day. It is a day I have celebrated since I can remember. We always watched the Derby. I have never been. I doubt I will ever get there. When I was 22 I had an opportunity to go, I was not able to get there though. I do regret that. It was in the infield. I am not much on crowds these days so I am not likely to attend. But I do watch. Every year. Sometimes I pick the winner. Sometimes I don't. Today I was not even close. Always Dreaming won in 2.03.59 - By a few lengths if I remember correctly. It was a muddy sloppy track.  I have never bet on a race. Likely won't ever do that either. And I don't drink the bourbon or mint juleps that are common at the Derby. But, it is part of our heritage.

Today was my youngest granddaughter's birthday too. She is now a six year old. Six years ago today was my first day back to work after a trip to Chicago. She waited for Gamma to get back to be born. Ha Ha.

Today is National Nurses Day as well. It is the beginning of Nurse week (May 6-12 annually).  It is hard to believe I have been a nurse for nearly 39 years. Next month will be the 39th anniversary of my graduation from LPN school. Don't even suggest LPNs are not nurses. I was the only nurse on 11-7 of a 22 bed floor when I started out. I went to 3-11 the next year and stayed on that shift until I returned to work after the birth of my first child. I moved to CCU in August of 1980 and have been in critical care since. I went to nursing school following my cousin, Denise. She was a great CCU nurse and I wanted to be like her. Our grandma Childress was a midwife in her community. She helped deliver all the babies around where they lived. She even helped deliver twin cousins of mine. Jerry and Terry were born at home in February. They were very small. There was a lot of snow on and they couldn't get out and the Dr couldn't get to them for several days after they were born. But they were healthy. I think nursing was in our blood.

I think this is all for today.


I love all y'all! ❤️
To be continued...........

Ten months ago

It has been ten months since my last post. I didn't realize that. It is very difficult to post from my phone and I cannot post from my tablet. My laptop charger cord was eaten by one of the mutts. Val got a new laptop and I am using it.

A lot has happened in 10 months. My dad has had a stroke, it wasn't very severe thankfully; but a stroke is brain loss. It has affected his walking somewhat. That is better now though. It has also affected his personality and memory a little I think. That is just me though. He will see a neurologist next week. 

Mom has recovered nicely from her fractured femur from last March. However, the C word is now in her vocabulary. She was diagnosed with breast cancer 2 weeks ago.  We have seen the oncologist. She will see the surgeon this Friday. Prayers are appreciated. We are traveling an unknown path right now.

My sister-in-law (my brother's wife) had esophageal cancer. It has been difficult. They live in Ohio so we didn't get to be there for them as much as we wanted to. We did send up prayers on their behalf though. She has been given a clean bill of health. No sign of cancer at this time! Her feeding tube was removed and she can eat normally. It was scary for a time. And still on the back of our minds is the ever looming worry that it will come back. That is where faith comes in!

Another sister-in-law (Rick's sister) has COPD. For all you non medical readers that is chronic obstructive pulmonary disease similar to emphysema.  Her breathing is really bad. She was given the option to receive a lung transplant. They looked into it and decided against it. A few months ago she was on the ventilator and made the decision to have the tube removed and not replaced. We were all there and she was not expected to survive. They removed the tube and she did well. God had other plans. He is not finished with her. She recovered slowly and went to rehab for a time and still goes as an outpatient for rehab. Her husband Tom is very supportive of her and her sisters and brother are as well. They are available to her at any time.

I have been very lax in thanking God for His many blessings over our family. He has blessed us so many times. I forget to thank Him. I just don't seem to be able to take the time to give Him the time He deserves. I find time to watch Star Trek. I find time to watch Law and Order and Blue Bloods. Seems like I should find time to talk to Him a little more.

My grandchildren are growing like weeds. When I get my laptop back I will post pictures.

I think this is enough for one post.

I love all y'all. ❤️
To be continued.............